第一次写的task 2,请大家狂批

muhuitingUID: 2220900

写的是有人说在现在书已经过时，应该由诸如光盘，电视，电脑等取代。而有些人认为书对于传播信息，完整教育经历是必要的。
After we step into the information era, we have been greatly enjoying the benifits that information technology bring us. When people appreciate the vivid information presented by video, television and so forth, some say that the age of books is past. However, the have simplified the situation, we still need books and the written words for the spread of information and for a complete education.

Because the e-products rely on electricity and computer without both of which you even can't see a word, so they are relatively less convenient than books. some one may say that both of them are easily accessable today, but can you always bring your computer with you in any occasion. What's more, as for me, a researcher who studies scarce plants and often have field trips to forests and mountains where there is surely no electricity, what shall I choose, if I want to consult something.

Maybe many people would say "I'm willing to bear that because I want to enjoy their advantages, whereas, you'll find it difficult to make notes in any form, when you are learning soomething and have your own opinion of it and want to write it down. Virtually, it's quiet necessary for one to make notes when learning something.

And in the realistic word, in those remote areas in developing countries, compared with expensive computers, books are more affordable. For example, in the rural areas in the western China, people there are busy to earn enough money to avoid starvation, even a book is some luxurious.

In conclusion, books and the written word will still exist in the world and continue to play an important role in the spread of information and in a complete education. While e-products bring us a vivid world, books show us the convenience over e-products.

金金鱼UID: 2202172

先问下，用了多久时间？

muhuitingUID: 2220900

一个小时

muhuitingUID: 2220900

我对我的作文一点概念也没有，只知道很差，但我想知道我差在哪里，请高人赐教啊！:)

shmmyjUID: 2192375

首先声明,我不是什么牛人,只是刚考过雅思.
谈一下我自己的看法吧:首先,开头很不错,但是Para2和3有些像口语而不是写作,你的一些句子过于口语化 "can you always bring your computer with you in any occasion".
我觉得雅思的作文要看你的逻辑能力,写清楚你自己的观点即可,可是我所看到的只有你Para2的"Because the e-products rely on electricity and computer without both of which you even can't see a word, so they are relatively less convenient than books. "是观点一,而观点二就找不到了,至少不是那么明显.虽然有些机械,但是最好是一个支撑观点一段,至少要有两个支撑论点.而不是一味的互相辩论.
另外,我觉得LZ可以多搜集一些表示原因,总结方面的短语,最好不要只用because,in conclusion等.
LZ继续练啊,加油,可以看出你的基础很不错,如果能把握IELTS作文的基本思路,一定会有很大提高的!

muhuitingUID: 2220900

muhuitingUID: 2220900

金金鱼UID: 2202172

LZ时间好好控制，写得不错的

lap1014UID: 2249739

不錯呀~~~已經較我的好。。。我也要努力點-"-