Issue50 【CSMY作文互改第四小组】第二次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

Issue50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

position: partly agree,there is still other ways to improve the quality of instruction.
1.改善教学水平的方法并不是要求所有的老师都去相关领域工作（不同的学科有不同的要求）
2.改善教学水平出了1 还应该在教学方法和教学内容进行改进和探索

Date;01-03  Time elapsed:00:42   First  Edition Words:428   Second edition:493

How can we improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level? The speaker recommends that all faculty should be required to spend some time working outside university in fields relevant to the courses they teach. As for as I am concerned ,I partly agree with the recommendation. However , in my point of view, there are still other ways to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

To begin with, There do exist trouble in improving the quality of instruction at university. Higher education not only impart major knowledge to students ,but also inform them to the way of finding and solving problem. As for the question of imparting major knowledge, in order to enhance the level of teaching, those faculty who are engaged in the disciples with strong connections to practice should be well equipped with the latest knowledge about the course taught by them. However, if let them always stay in the academic world, they may unable to keep breast with the pace of his major development. On the other hand, there usually may be some breakthroughs in the relevant field outside the academic world. For this reason, I suggest  these faculty work outside the academic field in order to provide better instructions to students. they can effectively make use of their major knowledge to solve the practical problems on the spot. Meanwhile ,they can develop and enhance their theoretical level even create a grandnew theory  or keep pace with the trend of his research field through finding some difficult problems.  Then, equipped with many practical problems and advanced theory, they can instruct students in a more effective way. However, those faculty who are absorbed in fundamental research ,which has less relevant to practical applications at the time, should spend more time on not working  outside  the academic world but doing deeper research. So I concede the recommendation proposed by the speaker.   

On the other hand, college or university that have the intention to improve the quality of teaching  should come up with new methods except for that mentioned above. First. fthey should introduce the textbooks that update with the time, especially for the field of information technology. Nowadays, if  a college still chooses a textbook about the world trend of internet development  printed in 1990s ,who can say the college are endeavoring to improving the quality of its teaching level ?Secondly ,the laboratories should be equipped with the state-of-art equipments. There are many experiments with new good ideas that can not be done without correspondent experimental set-up. The professor therefore can not advise their students at a higher level.

In sum, a college or university that tends to enhance its quality of instruction should not only require their correspondent faculty to take part in the relevant field ,but also make improvements in other aspects of about teaching and research. Only through these measures can  college or university improve the quality of its instruction.

浮华如烟UID: 113618

[字数少了点，不知道这样子如何能写的深刻]
How can we improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level? The speaker recommends that all faculty should be required to spend some time working outside university in fields relevant to the courses they teach.[不要复述题目，要改写题目] As for[far] as I am concerned ,I partly agree with the recommendation.[请注意题目中什么是recommendation，不要说partly agree这种带有模棱两可的立场，而是应该直接表明你的具体态度是什么，具体应该怎么做] However , [对什么的转折，看你后面的陈述是对此recommendation的补充]in my point of view, there are still other ways to improve the quality of instruction[词汇应该换了] at the college and university level.
[开头的作用，三句话　陈述背景，表明具体的立场，表明简单的理由]
To begin with, There do exist trouble in improving the quality of instruction[改换词汇了]at university. Higher education not only impart major knowledge to students ,but also inform them to the way of finding and solving problem. As for the question of imparting major knowledge, in order to enhance the level of teaching, those faculty who are engaged in the disciples with strong connections to practice should be well equipped with the latest knowledge about the course taught by them. However, [这个词汇不要滥用，此词表明很大力度的转折，另外后面有了IF就没必要用前面的这个词汇]if let them always stay in the academic world, they may unable to keep breast with [共呼吸？？keep pace with]the pace of his major development[development 这个词很泛泛，而且你用了很多次了]. On the other hand, [on the other hand是个带有对立面的连接词，另外该词要与on one hand配合用]there usually may be[there be句型太过频繁] some breakthroughs in the relevant field outside the academic world. [跑题了，人家题目是问是否要参加与他们教学工作相关的课外工作]For this reason, I suggest  these faculty work outside the academic field in order to provide better instructions to students. they can effectively make use of their major knowledge to solve the practical problems on the spot. Meanwhile ,they can develop and enhance their theoretical level even create a grandnew theory  or keep pace with the trend of his research field through finding some difficult problems[problem用的太频繁了，这个也是个泛泛的词汇].  Then, equipped with many practical problems and advanced theory, they can instruct students in a more effective way[没有能够说服我，虽然这个道理很浅显，但是你缺少有效的逻辑来衔接]. However[问题同上],those faculty who are absorbed in fundamental research ,which has less relevant to practical applications at the time, should spend more time on not working  outside  the academic world but doing deeper research[犯了一个大忌，同一段内容讨论了两个对立的观点]. So I concede the recommendation proposed by the speaker.   

On the other hand[问题同上], college or university that have the intention to improve the quality of teaching  should come up with new methods except for that mentioned above[句子有点杂糅了]. First. fthey should introduce the textbooks that update with the time, especially for the field of information technology. Nowadays, if  a college still chooses a textbook about the world trend of internet development  printed in 1990s ,who can say the college are endeavoring to improving the quality of its teaching level ?[没能说服我，这个和题目有什么直接关系，用的书是不是最新出版的和教师参不参与课外工作有什么关系？不参与课外工作就不能用最新版的书么？]Secondly ,the laboratories should be equipped with the state-of-art equipments. There are many experiments with new good ideas that can not be done without correspondent experimental set-up[这个例子问题同上].The professor therefore can not advise their students at a higher level.[结论没有能很好的概括本段]

In sum, a college or university that tends to enhance its quality of instruction should not only require their correspondent faculty to take part in the relevant field ,but also make improvements in other aspects of about teaching and research[本句写的太泛泛了，结尾一定要概括好你的观点，否则看着像模板式的应付]. Only through these measures can  college or university improve the quality of its instruction.　[结尾段看着像过场，或者说像开头的简单复述，结尾段是让考官考察你的概括能力的一个重要段落]

总的看来，问题还是很多的，
一些小小的语法错误就不提了，
论证的结构上就有很大问题
起码论证逻辑看起来就不清晰
另外语言还请多下功夫
请恕在下的愚见，不妥之处还见谅～