Argument47 【微观状态】小组 第六次作业 求拍！

rurubUID: 206296

Argument47 Scientists studying historical weather patterns have discovered that in the mid-sixth century. Earth suddenly became significantly cooler. Although few historical records survive from that time, some accounts found both in Asia and Europe mention a dimming of the sun and extremely cold temperatures. Either a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth should have created a large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere that would have been capable of blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A large meteorite collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash of light, and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Some surviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud boom that would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the cooling was probably caused by a volcanic eruption.

Outline:

1. Some Europe and Asia records could not deduce the worldwide temperature variation.

2. Even assuming the scientists could assure the cause, there are no strong evidences to convince me that the sun's dimming and temperature's falling necessarily associated with volcanic eruption or meteorite colliding.

3. Even the dimming of the sun really keep away majority of energy from the sum, the large boom may not cause of the volcanic eruption but by meteorite colliding happened in non-person area.

   The author lists several assumptions to prop up the theory that the earth's temperature sharply decreased in the mid-sixth century was caused by volcanic eruption. Howbeit, by scrutiny of the hypothesis, the conclusion immediately unconvincing me as discussed below.

   Firstly, as the author states that few historical records had remained in that old time, how could they assure the dimming of the sun is the key role by limited figures from Asia and Europe? Other factors could tremendous made the earth cooler, e.g., carbon dioxide called greenhouse gas, can keep the earth warm by prevent the sun's energy escaping. Without its protection the temperature could not steady anymore, accordingly lead to very cold circumstance of the earth. In addition, populous areas holding more records rule out the effect of dimming of the sum probably just not had been found. Therefore, it is notably ridiculous to make a conclusion before fully understanding the fact.

   Even the assumption of the scientists is correct by accident, there are not strong evidences to bolster another hypothesis that either a volcanic eruption or a meteorite collision avail the result. Lots of natural disasters excluding the volcanic eruption and meteorite colliding could make the air unclear. Forest fire by drought created huge black smoke to cover the sky, or the climate are unsteadily had made long-term cloudy days. If the scale of the volcanic eruption was big enough to cause temperature falling all over the world, in the opposite direction, the flame and extremely high temperature due to the eruption could also heat the earth imaginable. At the same situation, the meteorite collision creates the extraordinary energy to change weather of the world, increase the temperature of the earth reasonable. These ramshackle assumptions unconvinced me as the augment stands.

    Thirdly, even the dimming of the sun could really keep away the sun's large heat energy, it can not make sure that the volcanic eruption is the pivot factor. At the beginning, the flash deemed by collision may be really existent. The author ascribes it to the unrecorded fact again, apparently, it is the truth that having no notes does not mean inexistence. The people living after sixth century may have no chance to take a note or the records all destroyed by time erosion. Consider on the other hand, Asia historical records reapplied in global scope and mentioned that the lout boom consistent with volcanic eruption. The author has not only hastily generalized the range of the area but also uniquely link the boom to volcanic eruption. The local resident may make a mistake by defining the source of the boom and it could be the sound from the meteorite collision, thunder or earthquake. Furthermore, even if the loud boom was caused by volcanic eruption in Asia, it has not obtained necessary relationship with the global temperature by ungrounded hypothesis.

   Without acceptable proof, scientists could assert anything unscientific. In order to convincing the public, they should further excavate the historical records and adopt advanced matured means to deduce the historical fact.

[ 本帖最后由 rurub 于 2007-1-17 21:31 编辑 ]

celestialblueUID: 2285351

The author lists several assumptions to prop up the theory that the earth's temperature sharply decreased in the mid-sixth century was caused by volcanic eruption. Howbeit, by scrutiny of the hypothesis, the conclusion immediately unconvincing(改动词) me as discussed below.
   Firstly, as the author states that few historical records had remained in that old time, how could they assure the dimming of the sun is the key role by limited figures from Asia and Europe? Other factors could tremendoustremendously made the earth cooler, e.g., carbon dioxide called greenhouse gas, can keep the earth warm by prevent (preventing) the sun's energy escaping. Without its protection the temperature could not steady anymore, accordingly lead to very cold circumstance of the earth. In addition, populous areas holding more records rule out the effect of dimming of the sun probably just not had been found. 这句话有点奇怪Therefore, it is notably ridiculous to make a conclusion before fully understanding the fact.
   Even the assumption of the scientists is correct by accident, there are not strong evidences to bolster another hypothesis that either a volcanic eruption or a meteorite collision avail the result. Lots of natural disasters excluding the volcanic eruption and meteorite colliding could make the air unclear. Forest fire by drought created huge black smoke to cover the sky, or the climate are unsteadily had made long-term cloudy days. 意义不明If the scale of the volcanic eruption was big enough to cause temperature falling all over the world, in the opposite direction, the flame and extremely high temperature due to the eruption could also heat the earth imaginable. At the same situation, the meteorite collision creates the extraordinary energy to change weather of the world, increase the temperature of the earth reasonable很奇怪啊，改成resonably也不太好，建议改一下句式. These ramshackle assumptions unconvinced me as the augment stands.
    Thirdly改成finally比较好, even the dimming of the sun could really keep away the sun's large heat energy, it can not make sure that the volcanic eruption is the pivot factor. At the beginning, the flash deemed by collision may be really existent. The author ascribes it to the unrecorded fact again, apparently, it is the truth就true就行了吧？ that having no notes does not mean inexistence. The people living after sixth century may have no chance to take a note or the records all destroyed by time erosion可以改一下，容易造成误解. Consider on the other hand, Asia historical records reapplied in global scope and mentioned that the lout boom consistent with volcanic eruption. The author has not only hastily generalized the range of the area but also uniquely link the boom to volcanic eruption. The local resident may make a mistake by defining the source of the boom and it could be the sound from the meteorite collision, thunder or earthquake. Furthermore, even if the loud boom was caused by volcanic eruption in Asia, it has not obtained necessary relationship with the global temperature by ungrounded hypothesis.
   Without acceptable proof, scientists could assert anything unscientific. 这样说不太好In order to convincing the public, they should further excavate the historical records and adopt advanced matured means to deduce the historical fact.

第一次帮rurub改，先说一下大致的感想：
总体上思路清晰，举的例子也可以，语言很丰富，用词很多变化,这一点很值得学习,
但是中文痕迹很重，有时候看起来象翻译器翻出来的(当然我自己也有这个问题)，语序上可以再多注意一点,有些词的用法不太准确，有些句子容易造成误解，不过我自己水平有限，不太敢改。还有句子间的承接也可以再加强一点
还有你对我的文章的建议，我觉得很有道理，如果你不介意我水平差的话，以后我们可以多多讨论~~一起加油吧



[ 本帖最后由 celestialblue 于 2007-1-19 11:39 编辑 ]

gongzhenUID: 2230083

Argument47 Scientists studying historical weather patterns have discovered that in the mid-sixth century. Earth suddenly became significantly cooler. Although few historical records survive from that time, some accounts found both in Asia and Europe mention a dimming of the sun and extremely cold temperatures. Either a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth should have created a large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere that would have been capable of blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A large meteorite collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash of light, and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Some surviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud boom that would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the cooling was probably caused by a volcanic eruption.

Outline:

1. Some Europe and Asia records could not deduce the worldwide temperature variation.

2. Even assuming the scientists could assure the cause, there are no strong evidences to convince me that the sun's dimming and temperature's falling necessarily associated with volcanic eruption or meteorite colliding.

3. Even the dimming of the sun really keep away majority of energy from the sum, the large boom may not cause of the volcanic eruption but by meteorite colliding happened in non-person area.

   The author lists several assumptions to prop up the theory that the earth's temperature sharply decreased in the mid-sixth century was caused by volcanic eruption. Howbeit, by scrutiny of the hypothesis, the conclusion immediately unconvincing me as discussed below.

   Firstly, as the author states that few historical records had remained in that old time, how could they assure the dimming of the sun is the key role by limited figures from Asia and Europe? Other factors could tremendous made the earth cooler, e.g., carbon dioxide called greenhouse gas, can keep the earth warm by prevent the sun's energy escaping. Without its protection the temperature could not be steady anymore, accordingly leading to very cold circumstance of the earth. In addition, populous areas holding more records rule out the effect of dimming of the sum probably just not had been found. Therefore, it is notably ridiculous to make a conclusion before fully understanding the fact.

我觉得楼主这段说的并不清楚，　可能想的太极端了吧．很多句子看很多遍都不是太明白，有些句子是不是可以分开写，　这样看起来好一点

some densely populated areas ever held more records which rule out the effect of dimming of the sun, however, these rare materials were lost due to some inevitable reasons.

  Even the assumption of the scientists is correct by accident, 假象被事故所修正？？there are not strong evidences to bolster another hypothesis that either a volcanic eruption or a meteorite collision avail the result. Lots of natural disasters excluding the volcanic eruption and meteorite colliding could make the air unclear. Forest fire by drought created huge black smoke to cover the sky, or the climate are unsteadily had made long-term cloudy days. If the scale of the volcanic eruption was big enough to cause temperature falling all over the world, in the opposite direction, the flame and extremely high temperature due to the eruption could also heat the earth imaginable. At the same situation, the meteorite collision creates the extraordinary energy to change weather of the world, increase the temperature of the earth reasonable. These ramshackle assumptions unconvinced me as the augment stands.

    Thirdly, even the dimming of the sun could really keep away the sun's large heat energy, it can not make sure that the volcanic eruption is the pivot factor. At the beginning, the flash deemed by collision may be really existent. The author ascribes it to the unrecorded fact again, apparently, it is the truth that having no notes does not mean inexistence. The people living after sixth century may have no chance to take a note or the records all destroyed by time erosion. Consider on the other hand, Asia historical records reapplied in global scope and mentioned that the lout boom consistent with volcanic eruption. The author has not only hastily generalized the range of the area but also uniquely link the boom to volcanic eruption. The local resident may make a mistake by defining the source of the boom and it could be the sound from the meteorite collision, thunder or earthquake. Furthermore, even if the loud boom was caused by volcanic eruption in Asia, it has not obtained necessary relationship with the global temperature by ungrounded hypothesis.

   Without acceptable proof, scientists could assert anything unscientific. In order to convincing the public, they should further excavate the historical records and adopt advanced matured means to deduce the historical fact.
很多句子建议楼主在改改，　很多很长的句子可以断开，就算很多外国的文献也没有这么长的啊
我觉得通俗易懂，　逻辑无懈可击最好，　句子太长不好理解，　请回拍　　谢谢
　http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=595822&extra=page%3D1

我的


[ 本帖最后由 rurub 于 2007-1-17 21:31 编辑 ]