南智组作文issue130

aa445544UID: 2117424

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.


Although the current way we raise our children has some problem, it bring out generations of people who creat the modern society. And people live a better lives in the modern society than before.

In the current way we take our children to school in there children learn of the mathetics, physics, chemistry , reading, and so on. On one word they study knowledge. The knowledge give birth to the modern civilization. Trains, electricity, computer, automobiles, all such things make our life more convinience and are invented under the direct of knowledge. Now the system of education bring numbers of scientist and engineers and technicians to the society. They are researching and developing new technologies which can help us to live a better life. For instance, the new energy like solar energy and nucclera energy will produce more electricity and meanwhile improves our enviroment through exhaust less pollution. Therefore the children who get educated in the school will play a important role in bring a more better and healthy life in the future society.

Also the parents teach their children how to behave and give them the basic values the parents think is important for them to live in the society such as the belife every people is born to equity, honesty. And the modern democracy society is based on this value system. If our society is full of discrimination like the Nazi-German, every people in the society will not feel safe
.
However, in some family the parent does not have the enough time to get alone with their children. And there are many single parents family. The children in both kind of family will not be able to raise normaly. Often they will have some kind of mental-illness. Some study has proved it. And the system of education also has it own problem. In some asis country like china the shools take the teach of science as the top priority, often they ignore the importance of art-teaching. Such kind of actiong limits the full development of the children. And the children in china is often lack of creativity because the teacher often ask them to do in the same way. And now the mental-illness has greatly damage the healthy of people. And the lack of creativity is a obstacle to the advancement of the science.

There may not be only one way we raise our children, each children grow in his own unique way. Every children has his own character. It is not wise to get a best way for every children. And the current way we raise our children is able to prepare the qualified citizens.

写得不好，大家多提意见阿，

supper_xuUID: 2227277

Although the current way we raise our children has some problem, it bring out generations of people who creat the modern society. And people live a better lives in the modern society than before.

In the current way we take our children to school in there children learn of the mathetics, physics, chemistry , reading, and so on. On one word they study knowledge. The knowledge give birth to the modern civilization. Trains, electricity, computer, automobiles, all such things make our life more convinience and are invented under the direct of knowledge. Now the system of education bring numbers of scientist and engineers and technicians to the society. They are researching and developing new technologies which can help us to live a better life. For instance, the new energy like solar energy and nucclera energy will produce more electricity and meanwhile improves our enviroment through exhaust less pollution. Therefore the children who get educated in the school will play a important role in bring a more better and healthy life in the future society.

Also the parents teach their children how to behave and give them the basic values the parents think is important for them to live in the society such as the belife every people is born to equity, honesty. And the modern democracy society is based on this value system. If our society is full of discrimination like the Nazi-German, every people in the society will not feel safe
.
However, in some family the parent does not have the enough time to get alone with their children. And there are many single parents family. The children in both kind of family will not be able to raise normaly. Often they will have some kind of mental-illness. Some study has proved it. And the system of education also has it own problem. In some asis country like china the shools take the teach of science as the top priority, often they ignore the importance of art-teaching. Such kind of actiong limits the full development of the children. And the children in china is often lack of creativity because the teacher often ask them to do in the same way. And now the mental-illness has greatly damage the healthy of people. And the lack of creativity is a obstacle to the advancement of the science.

There may not be only one way we raise our children, each children grow in his own unique way. Every children has his own character. It is not wise to get a best way for every children. And the current way we raise our children is able to prepare the qualified citizens.


整体感觉中式英语的情况比较严重，而且论证感觉有点跑题。平时多看看范文喝别人写的哦！
不好意思，严厉了点。
其实我也不咋得。
一起加油！

alive1986UID: 2241739

晚上改好，先顶

alive1986UID: 2241739

晚上改好，先顶

alive1986UID: 2241739

（晕，仔细刚改了一遍，发帖回复时该页无法显示，第一遍改的全没了！第二遍拣重点说了）
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.


Although the current way we raise our children has some problem, it bring out generations of people who creat the modern society. And people live a better lives in the modern society than before.（没有涉及到题目是一个缺陷，建议从题目入手，表达自己的观点）

In the current way we take our children to school in there children learn of the mathetics, physics, chemistry , reading, and so on. On one word they study knowledge. The knowledge give birth to the modern civilization. Trains, electricity, computer, automobiles, all such things make our life more convinience and are invented under the direct of knowledge. Now the system of education bring numbers of scientist and engineers and technicians to the society. They are researching and developing new technologies which can help us to live a better life. For instance, the new energy like solar energy and nucclera energy will produce more electricity and meanwhile improves our enviroment through exhaust less pollution. Therefore the children who get educated in the school will play a important role in bring a more better and healthy life in the future society.

Also the parents teach their children how to behave and give them the basic values the parents think is important for them to live in the society such as the belife every people is born to equity, honesty. And the modern democracy society is based on this value system. If our society is full of discrimination like the Nazi-German, every people in the society will not feel safe（论证不够深入，字数上就能看出来看，究竟父母和学校在教育孩子的不足上表现在哪些方面）
.
However, in some family the parent does not have the enough time to get alone with their children. And there are many single parents family. The children in both kind of family will not be able to raise normaly. Often they will have some kind of mental-illness. Some study has proved it. And the system of education also has it own problem. In some asis country like china the shools take the teach of science as the top priority, often they ignore the importance of art-teaching. Such kind of actiong limits the full development of the children. And the children in china is often lack of creativity because the teacher often ask them to do in the same way. And now the mental-illness has greatly damage the healthy of people. And the lack of creativity is a obstacle to the advancement of the science.

There may not be only one way we raise our children, each children grow in his own unique way. Every children has his own character. It is not wise to get a best way for every children. And the current way we raise our children is able to prepare the qualified citizens.
最后一段缺少对社会化的总结。孩子社会化的重要性是本文讨论的重点，结尾必须强调。在此基础上，提一下我们目前的认识状况，否则会给人以偏概全的印象

[ 本帖最后由 alive1986 于 2007-1-22 21:54 编辑 ]

aa445544UID: 2117424

怎么叫涉及到题目？？