Issue160 刚考完试,发一篇,请大家给修改一下!

PernicusspeareUID: 2244585

Issue 160:
The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Historical experience has proved that a successful leader always has both a strong will for his ideal and a cute perception for others' correct opinion, which could help to adjust his goals and principles occasionally. Therefore, I concede that the ability to stick to particular principles and objectives is one of most essential qualities for an effective leader, however, if a leader could also accept some good advice or opinion and apply to his work, he is sure to make a significant contribution to his organization or society.


Firstly, only when an excellent leader keep consistently committed to particular principles and objectives, could he lead his subordinates to crack one and another difficulties on the road to his destinations and eventually achieve their proposed goals, on the contrary, if he tended to easily give up his pursuit for objectives, he normally accomplishes nothing. For instance, in the 15th century, Columbus was ordered by Spanish queen to discover new marine routines to Asia. After two months' journey on the Atlantic, his fleets were still unable to sight any land or island, and all crew began to despair and suggest him to return. More worse, one of them even threatened to rebel him if he continued to sail forward. However, he still insisted on his goals and promised his subordinates that they would turn around if they could not discover lands within three days. As a result, after another three days’ efforts, their dream eventually came true. Obviously, without Columbus' insistence, the discovery of new lands might be postponed for another several hundred years.


However, if a leader always choose to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives under any circumstance, and not to consider other changed factors or others' opinions, he might enable his group or countries deviate the right track of development. In the fields of politics, such leaders are inclined to corrupt and even become an autocrat. For instance, in the second wars, Hitler's objective is to struggle only for Germanic benefits. To fulfill his ambition, he even declared wars on the whole Europe. During his ruling, many people advised him to change his thoughts, but failed. Finally, he became one of the most notorious dictators in the history of humankind. For another thing, when thing comes to the field of economy, the leader' character of insisting only in particular principles and objectives, might do harm to the public interests. Suppose if the president of a chemical factory only regards profits as the only goals for his factory, and orders to throw all the wastes directly into rivers before disposal. Undoubtedly，The pollution caused by these wastes would damage the environment and break the ecological balance. Furthermore, such action would also undermine the company's figure and affect its profits. Therefore, sticking only to particular principles and objectives, a leader might enable his management work to fall into a predicament and even endanger the benefits of his society or country.


If a leader could, primarily based on the reasonable popular opinions, make some necessary adjustment to the particular principles and objectives, his work would be supported well and his/her proposed goals could also be achieved more easily. For instance, in 1980s, Chinese president Deng, brought about the ideas named "one country, two systems" to realize the unity of china. As a matter of fact, one principles of Deng's preliminary unified plan is to change the capitalism in Hongkong and Macao, however, according to a survey, hongkong people didnot take this principle for granted. So President Deng decided to modify his preliminary plan in the light of Hongkong citizens’ views, and the idea "one country, two systems” was created. Later experience in Hongkong and Macao also shows that this idea successfully ensures local social stability and economical prosperity. All in all, if a leader knows how to adopt the correct opinion and keep a relatively flexible principles and objectives, he or she is sure to make a great success in his career.


To sum up, only to keep the rigid principles and objectives, a leader would enable his work to get into trouble. On the contrary, if a leader is easy to be misled by the others’ opinions, he or she will accomplish little in his position of leadership. Therefore, the successful leaders should learn to keep a balance between popular opinions and his principle and goals.

[ 本帖最后由 Pernicusspeare 于 2007-1-21 18:53 编辑 ]

nostrumUID: 2124189

Issue 160:
The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Historical experience has proved that a successful leader always has both a strong will for his or her不是their的话一定要双方都提到，否则统统是男权主义，平等的问题老外很看重，况且，碰上个feminist看你的文章就不太好了 ideal and a cute perception for others' correct opinion, which could help to adjust his goals and principles occasionally. Therefore, I concede that the ability to stick to particular principles and objectives is one of most essential qualities for an effective leader, however, if a leader could also accept some good advice or opinion and apply to his work, he is sure to make a significant contribution to his organization or society.
开头很不错，观点很清楚，唯一的问题就是he的问题，可以改成复数，用their

Firstly, only when an excellent leader keep consistently committed to particular principles and objectives, could he lead 第三人称动词his subordinates to crack one and another difficulties on the road to his destinations and eventually achieve their proposed goals, 这里可以结束本句，下面另起一句。on the contrary, if he tended to easily give up his pursuit for objectives, he normally accomplishes nothing. For instance, in the 15th century, Columbus was ordered by Spanish queen to discover new marine routines to Asia. After two months' journey on the Atlantic, his fleets were still unable to sight any land or island, and all crew began to despair and suggest him to return. More worse, one of them even threatened to rebel him if he continued to sail forward. However, he still insisted on his goals and promised his subordinates that they would turn around if they could not discover lands within three days. As a result一, after another three days’ efforts, their dream eventually came true. 事例的论述占了太大篇幅，没必要渲染事例，重点要分析这个例子证明了什么，一个领导人必须XXX才能XXX，因为，XXX（正因为领导人的决心，意志力之类高于常人，才XXX，所以，一般人由于XXX局限，关键时刻需要领导人的指引，这个时候领导人能否坚定信念，做出正确的选择，关系XXX）Obviously, without Columbus' insistence, the discovery of new lands might be postponed for another several hundred years.
本段的结构是主题句+例子，主题句写得很不错，就是两层意思最好分成两句，前面那层意思读完了，想歇会儿，悲惨的发现句子还没读完。
极大的问题在于，没有任何自己的原创分析，这是相当错误的做法，AW是逻辑写作，需要体现作者的逻辑思辨能力，没有自己的分析，逻辑性从何体现？

However, if a leader always choose to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives under any every circumstance, and not to consider other changed factors or others' opinions, he might enable his group or countries deviate the right track of development. In the fields of politics, such leaders are inclined to corrupt and even become an autocrat. For instance, in the second wars, Hitler's objective is to struggle only for Germanic benefits. To fulfill his ambition, he even declared wars on the whole Europe. During his ruling, many people advised him to change his thoughts, but failed. Finally, he became one of the most notorious dictators in the history of humankind. For another thing, when thing comes to the field of economy, the leader' character of insisting only in particular principles and objectives, might do harm to the public interests. Suppose if the president of a chemical factory only regards profits as the only goals for his factory, and orders to throw all the wastes directly into rivers before disposal. Undoubtedly，The pollution caused by these wastes would damage the environment and break the ecological balance. Furthermore, such action would also undermine the company's figure and affect its profits. Therefore, sticking only to particular principles and objectives, a leader might enable his management work to fall into a predicament and even endanger the benefits of his society or country.
本段后半部分分析写得不错,前半层的分析还需要再深入

If a leader could, primarily based on the reasonable popular opinions, make some necessary adjustment to the particular principles and objectives, his work would be supported well and his/her proposed goals could also be achieved more easily. For instance, in 1980s, Chinese president Deng, brought about the ideas named "one country, two systems" to realize the unity of china.这里不用大写吗？ As a matter of fact, one principles of Deng's preliminary unified plan is to change the capitalism in Hongkong and Macao, however, according to a survey, hongkong people didnot take this principle for granted. So President Deng decided to modify his preliminary plan in the light of Hongkong citizens’ views, and the idea "one country, two systems” was created. Later experience in Hongkong and Macao also shows that this idea successfully ensures local social stability and economical prosperity. All in all, if a leader knows how to adopt the correct opinion and keep a relatively flexible principles and objectives, he or she is sure to make a great success in his career.
写得不错，但是我觉得分析还是不够分量，在多一些例子跟观点之间的分析就更好了

To sum up, only to keep the rigid principles and objectives, a leader would enable his work to get into trouble. On the contrary, if a leader is easy to be misled by the others’ opinions, he or she will accomplish little in his position of leadership. Therefore, the successful leaders should learn to keep a balance between popular opinions and his principle and goals.
总体来说，这篇文章写得不错，body1没有展开论述

我看思路挺清晰，lz怎么说结构不好呢？lz最大的亮点在于主题句，开头，结尾这几个地方写得都不错。
语法问题很少，但是注意不要只用he，his，另外还要注意动词的数
给个开阔思路的提纲
A. In the business realm, effective leadership is generally defined as that which achieves the goal of profit maximization in the long term by taking reasonable steps to minimize the social and environmental harm their businesses caused. Thus the two definitions merge, and the statement at issue is ultimately correct.
B.In the political realm the issue is no less complex, (strong but keep pace with the social development)
Example: two British prime ministers Neville Chamberlain and Churchill
In 1938, British Prime Minister Chamberlain signed the Munich Pact with Adolf Hitler, an agreement that gave Czechoslovakia away to Nazi conquest while bringing, as Chamberlain promised, "peace in our time."
C. Consider social-spiritual leadership. Few would disagree that through their ability to inspire others and lift the human spirit Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King were eminently effective in leading others to effect social change through civil disobedience. This brand of leadership, in order to be effective, inherently requires that the leader remain steadfastly committed to principle.