Issue41 【CSMY作文互改小组】第四次作业

浮华如烟UID: 113618

ISSUE41
"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
研究界的一些非主流领域，比如星象学、占卜术和意念及超自然探索，在社会中起到了很重要的作用，因为它们满足了人们无法从主流科学获得的需求。

观点：承认非主流学科的作用(保证社会的稳定性和保证文化的完整性)，但要加以引导并逐渐消除依赖性
1、社会角度－－－满足了人们的精神需求，有利于社会的稳定。
//占星术－－满足我们对自身的好奇心
//宗教层面的预知未来－－karma 因果报应
2、文化角度－－－通过这些非主流的学科能更好的了解文化
//传统文化和这些非主流是分不开的，能提供更客观的视角了解古代文化
//对于一些学科比如archaeology能有很大的帮助--the layout of the rituals，the meanings behinds the murals, the construction of the acient tombs
3、不能忽视其带来的危害性
//大部分不是基于理性，based on imagination,对社会发展不起主要作用，还可能带来反作用
//强调既定的命运，这可能导致人们失去奋斗的动力和责任意识

In my view, despite of their nonmainstream characters, these areas of pursuits are indispensable in ensuring the stability of the society and the completeness of our culture. In the meantime, they should be closely monitored and meticulously controlled in order to avoid their concomitantly detrimental side-effects and ensure they do not go off the track. Also, as for the whole informed citizens in the modern society, we must strive for a more reliance on scientific areas in the long run.

To begin with, these areas of inquiry provide the avenues to satisfy many aspects of people's needs not addressed by the modern mainstream science. As we know, human beings' needs involve a host of facets. While the needs to survive and lead a better life is the primary aspects, inferior to such needs are the spiritual demands which is also indispensable to ensure our wholesome personalities and a more wholesome psyche. In current modern society, religion remains prosperous in a large amount of countries and still prevail in the most developed countries. The chief reason is simple. That is such areas of inquiry can greatly fill up the spiritual hollowness of human beings and provides the way to vent their discontentment of the real-life status. Although such areas of studies like astrology, fortune-telling or paranormal pursuits are often thought to be superstitious. They do exert certain kinds of influence on our characters if they are supervised properly. For instance, astrology, derive from the ancient civilization, can provide us a totally different explanation and eyeshot upon our own characters, our future and our ultimately destiny. Also, the fortune-telling, which is still prevalent at the modern stage in various religions, involves the crucial idea of karma and it can conduce to encourage human beings to make beneficial affairs as many as possible and to be ethically immaculate and morally upright to guarantee their better future. Despite they cannot be relied completely, there exists insufficient evidence to prove the effect and accuracy of such areas. Moreover, they can provide certain, if not all, groups of people the path to seek for the emotional solatia and unnecessary anxiety under the circumstance we live. But not for such areas of nonmainstream pursuits, spiritual hollowness, emotional labyrinth and the bewilderments upon our environment without any way to release will undoubtedly menace the wholesome psyche and even the harmony of our society in the future.

In addition, such kinds of studies play a significant role in our traditional culture and they greatly reflect precious values, beliefs and rituals from our ancestors. As we actively promote the advancement of the modern technologies, we should also spare no efforts to trace our roots and publicize our unique traditional culture. While usually the nonmainstream areas mentioned by the speaker play an integral part in our history study, arts creation, or our cultural rituals. Consequently, to better understand such kinds of humanities and social subjects, information and knowledge in such areas are often important. For example, astrology, the study of how events happened on earth correspond to the positions and movements of stars in the space, which play a indispensable role in the ancient society and culture, can help the archaeologists to better comprehend the ancient life style, and conduce them to provide a more objective and comprehensive view of the ancient perspectives like the construction of archaic tombs, the meanings behind famous murals, or the layout of their rituals, etc. By research such kinds of fortune-telling patterns, we can hold a more accuracy visual angle on our ancestors' life and ancient society and understand more about their development and maturation. In a word, despite of some harmful effects it might bring about, different kinds of nonmainstream areas do satisfy the needs from individuals to society, and we have no strong reason to eliminate them from our eyeshot thoroughly.

On the other hand, the potential menace and destructions they might result in cannot also be ignored, we must hold a much more careful awareness upon this point of view. As we know, on most occasions, such areas of inquiry are not rooted in reason. Most, if not all, of them is lacking the firm and robust facts to based on. Therefore, people who simply bet their future on the results told from such fortune-telling activities will undoubtedly not achieve genuinely great success. Also, over-reliance upon the "known destiny" calculated by the astrology might make human beings to lose their impetus to strive for a better future and the responsibilities for the whole society. From this perspective, without any careful awareness and scientific conduction, blindness to the negative influence of nonmainstream will be counterproductive and even might result in tremendous harm for the development of the society. Briefly, more awareness of the science and less reliance on the nonmainstream areas should be publicized to most people.

In sum, although such kinds of nonmainstream areas can bring about multiple detrimental influence on the people or society, nevertheless, under the carefully supervised environment and efficiently controlled, it is unnecessary for human beings to overemphasize the harm they might result in. On the contrary, it can help to satisfy people's needs in emotional or psyche aspects and thus serves as an integral part in the stability of the modern society.

DIDOROSEUID: 2183292

In my view, despite of their non-mainstream characters, these areas of pursuits are indispensable in ensuring the stability of the society and the completeness of our culture. In the meantime, they should be closely monitored and meticulously controlled in order to avoid their concomitantly detrimental side-effects and ensure they do not go off the track. Also, as for the whole informed citizens in the modern society, we must strive for a more reliance（觉得怪怪的） on scientific areas in the long run.
To begin with, these areas of inquiry provide the（cancel） avenues to satisfy many aspects of people's needs not addressed by the modern mainstream science. As we know, human beings' needs involve a host of facets. While the needs to survive and lead a better life is the primary aspects, inferior to such needs are the spiritual demands which is also(Inferior to the primary needs to survive are our spiritual demands which are) (我觉得太长了想改下，本来想改成inferior to the needs on survive level 又觉得有点怪，不晓得怎么表达好)indispensable to ensure our wholesome personalities and a more wholesome psyche. In current（modern 就是current了） modern society, religion remains prosperous in a large amount of countries and still（不晓得会不会和前面的remain重复） prevails in the most developed countries. The chief reason is simple. That is（：） such areas of inquiry can greatly fill up the spiritual hollowness of human beings and provides the（a）way to vent their discontentment of the real-life status. (前面从人的本性上说了存在的价值，后面是举例说明 )Although such areas of studies like astrology, fortune-telling or paranormal pursuits are often thought to be superstitious. They do exert certain kinds of influence on our characters if they are supervised properly.（看到这句我仿佛看到了TS，不如重起一段，如果想和上一段的TS结合紧密的话，在每个例子后面应该表示它具体满足了我们的什么需要） For instance, astrology, derive from the ancient civilization, can provide us a totally different explanation and eyeshot upon our own characters, our future and our ultimately destiny. Also, the fortune-telling, which is still prevalent at the modern stage in various religions, involves the crucial idea of karma and it can conduce to encourage human beings to make beneficial affairs as many as possible and to be ethically immaculate and morally upright to guarantee their better future.（fortune-telling 是这样的么？） Despite they cannot be relied completely, there exists insufficient evidence to prove the effect and accuracy of such areas.（这句的意思有点模糊） Moreover, they can provide certain, if not all, groups of people the path to seek for the emotional solatia and unnecessary anxiety under the circumstance we live. But not for（这个用法是什么意思？不如换成Without） such areas of nonmainstream pursuits, spiritual hollowness, emotional labyrinth and the bewilderments upon our environment without any way to release will undoubtedly menace the wholesome psyche and even the harmony of our society in the future.
这段好长， 为了方便阅卷的人看到你各部分的观点应该让段落短点好
In addition, such kinds of studies play a significant role in our traditional culture and they greatly reflect precious values, beliefs and rituals from（of）our ancestors. As we actively promote the advancement of the modern technologies, we should also spare no efforts to trace our roots and publicize our unique traditional culture.Whileusually the nonmainstream areas mentioned by the speaker play an integral part in our history study, arts creation, or（and） our cultural rituals. C（，c）onsequently, to better understand such kinds of humanities and social subjects, information and knowledge in such areas are often important. For example, astrology, the study of how events happened on earth correspond to the positions and movements of stars in the space, which play a indispensable role in the ancient society and culture, can help the archaeologists to better comprehend the ancient life style, and conduce them to provide(form)a more objective and comprehensive view of the ancient perspectives like the construction of archaic tombs, the meanings behind famous murals, or the layout of their rituals, etc. By research such kinds of fortune-telling patterns, we can hold a more accuracy visual angle on our ancestors' life and ancient society and understand more about their development and maturation. In a word, despite of some harmful effects it might bring about, (我觉得到现在为止还没说到不好的，这里就这么写读起来有点别扭)different kinds of nonmainstream areas do satisfy the needs from individuals to society, and we have no strong reason to eliminate them from our eyeshot thoroughly.
例子很好哈，很多人都没想到

On the other hand, the potential menace and destructions they might result in cannot also be ignored; we must hold a much more careful awareness upon this point of view.(we must be aware of the potential menace ~~~~~觉得有点重复) As we know, on most occasions, such areas of inquiry are not rooted in reason. Most, if not all, of them is（are） lacking the(cancel) firm and robust(可以这么用么？) facts to based（base） on. Therefore, people who simply bet their future on the results told from such fortune-telling activities will undoubtedly not achieve genuinely great success. Also, over-reliance upon the "known destiny" calculated by the astrology might make human beings to lose their impetus to strive for a better future and the responsibilities for the whole society. From this perspective, without any careful awareness and scientific conduction, blindness to the negative influence of nonmainstream will be counterproductive and even might result in (exert) tremendous harm for the development of the society. Briefly, more awareness of the science and less reliance on the nonmainstream areas should be publicized to most people.
提纲里写到了大部分不是基于理性，based on imagination,对社会发展不起主要作用，但是没有写出来
In sum, although such kinds of nonmainstream areas can bring about multiple detrimental influence on the people or society, nevertheless, under the carefully supervised environment and efficiently controlled, it is unnecessary for human beings to overemphasize the harm they might result in. On the contrary, it can help to satisfy people's needs in emotional or psyche aspects and thus serves as an integral part in the stability of the modern society.
我觉得总结的时候也该按着论证的顺序来写，不然读者感觉不好
你是写的平衡观点哇？


[ 本帖最后由 DIDOROSE 于 2007-1-23 13:24 编辑 ]

siyuandingUID: 2154137

建议楼上的使用作文修改工具，非常简单，能很快上手！

寄托作文修改工具第三版（新增图片指导）

[ 本帖最后由 siyuanding 于 2007-1-23 01:19 编辑 ]

DIDOROSEUID: 2183292

谢谢