Issue41 黎明组 第四次

yuanyifanUID: 2276436

Issue41 "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.

  The speaker asserts that the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a great role in contenting human needs meanwhile mainstream science can't. I strongly agree with the speaker in the certain domain such as satisfying physiology needs, contenting mental console and so forth. On balance ,in my opinion, the nonmainstream science as astrology ,fortune-telling, and psychic would not provide the real physical as the mainstream take to us .

  

When it comes to the area of mental matter "in" human ,the nonmainstream iquiry would take a solely place in which people spirit would be influnced or improved. As we all know, our subjective thinking don't refer to anything of physical area, which is a vane to take a research in a mainstream . However , although the inquair of nonmainstream might be difficult in requiring by the mass , it surely perform well in the subbjective domain. Consider one science of the nonmainstream as astrology, which refer to judge one’s future or predict the weather retorting to observe stars in night.If it estimate you will be glorious in the future, you would be delight in the whole day . Futhermore,If the happy thing come about in a sad or anxious person , it would help with going over their barricade. Thereby, in our mental world can only the nonmainstream science work.

  
It is a more compelling example when talking about curiosity .Adimittedly, the real curiosity may arouse from our qulity and state of the unknown with genuine world . However, barely physical satisfactory would not imspire the deep imaging or thinking unless exista seperately approach cultivate their curiosity . Surely the nonmainstream science take the burden as a method assisting arise imgine and thinking .For instance , we can do acquire a way or a method in which learn from astrology, and also gain a simply intuition in paranormal pursuits.Indeed we would not depend on it completely , it is only a plan controlling our physiology, however,the nonmainstream seience do help us.
  
On balance , nonmainstream inquiry don't contenting to all needs in human , the mainstream science still take the dominate area in meeting people physical needs .From a essentially respect , every nonmainstream science would not exist in our real world but our heart or our mental . They are nature alarmism or some deceive approach ,which  may effective in sharply low rate. Thereby , in a incivility way, the nonmainstream science merely placed in a everyday life regulator. And only our the real mainstream science can be the basic of our everyday  life.
  
In sum, with the development of our society and everyday life , our needs increasingly change repidly -- one single mainstream science cannot meet today hungry people , nonmainstream science make up in some certain area. However , offsetting can not be equal to replace ,which only nonmainstream science harmony with the mainstream can meet the human needs authentically.

kito9695UID: 209685

seat taken^——^

kito9695UID: 209685

Issue41 "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.

The speaker asserts that the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a great role in contenting human needs meanwhile mainstream science can't.听起来像是完全否认了mainstream的用处，与题目表述意思不符 I strongly agree with the speaker in the去掉the certain domains复数 such as satisfying physiology needs, contenting mental console and so forth. On balance, in my opinion, the nonmainstream science as astrology ,fortune-telling, and psychic跟题目相比短了paranormal pursuits would not provide the real physical这里怎么理解？不明白as the mainstream take to us .
从首段来看，对题目持有完全反对的观点，这种绝对观点不大好，从逻辑上而言最好能有保留，无论是反对还是支持。此外，开头平平，是最一般的指出题目论调，然后再表明自己立场的模式，没有太大新意，如果是刚开始可以这样来写，慢慢地要通过读范文和他人的文章学习一些更新更有创意的开头。

When it comes to the area of mental matter "in" human ,the nonmainstream iquiry would take a solely place in which people people’s spirit would be influnced拼写错误influenced 单词拼写尽量不要出错，小地方要注意or improved. As we all know, our subjective thinking don't refer to anything of physical area, which is a vane to take a research in a mainstream. 晦涩However , although the inquair拼写 of nonmainstream might be difficult in requiring by the mass , it surely perform well in the subbjective拼写 domain.还是晦涩 Consider one science不可数名词 of the nonmainstream as astrology, which不要动不动就用which refer to judge one’s future or predict the weather retorting to observe stars in night.不解释也可以，如果你解释的语言并不好的话…If it estimate you will be glorious in the future, you would be delight in the whole day . Futhermore, If the happy thing come about in a sad or anxious person , it would help with going over their barricade. Thereby, in our mental world can only the nonmainstream science work.
看不下去了。你这篇暂时就到这段，恕我直言，很多语言太晦涩，大概除了你没几个人能懂。。。不要追求难句，不要追求深奥的理论阐述，多用例子，简洁陈述会更好一些。现在你的句子用得并不自如，造成沟通障碍。。。多练习下，每写一些，让人看看能否理解你的意思。另外加上提纲，确保你的思路不会游走的太远，也便于别人帮你修改。



[ 本帖最后由 kito9695 于 2007-1-23 21:31 编辑 ]

kito9695UID: 209685

抱歉你的文章我只改了两段。。。实在改不下去了，很多句子我不大明白。。。
多练习一下先，下次再给我看看吧

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

It is a more compelling example when talking about curiosity .(结构上讲, 这一段与之前的段落的关系? curiosity也是mental matter的一部分. 上一段的定位太模糊了. 我觉得从你的论断来说应该是指mood effects吧? 把主题区别清楚点. 另外这句出来的也很唐突.) Adimittedly, the real curiosity may arouse from our qulity and state of the unknown with (of the) genuine world . However, barely physical satisfactory (这里指的是material satisfactory吧?) would not imspire the deep imaging or thinking unless exista(这个指的是什么的存在? 概念模糊 而且拼写也错误 这里缺介宾结构的中心词) seperately(这个怎会修饰exist?) approach (approach to what?) cultivate their curiosity . Surely the nonmainstream science take(s) the burden as a method assisting arise (for assisting to satisfy the arising curiocity of) imgine and thinking .For instance , we can do acquire a way or a method (多余) in which (缺从句主语) learn from astrology, and also gain a simply intuition in paranormal pursuits(你的这段描述太抽象了 基本看不出这个way是怎么被实现的).Indeed we would not depend on it completely , it is only a plan controlling our physiology (这个能控制?), however,the nonmainstream seience do help us.(这个例子是说以非主流的方式来满足人们好奇的需要 但非主流如何工作? 如何满足? 描述过于抽象而且信息量不足, 很难让人把论证与论点对应上)
  
On balance (这个是总结用的), nonmainstream inquiry don't contenting to (content)  all needs in human , the mainstream science still take(s) the dominate area in meeting people physical needs .From a essentially respect , every nonmainstream science would not exist in our real world but our heart or our mental . They are nature alarmism or some deceive approach ,which  may effective in sharply low rate. (这里不是自相矛盾了? 刚才还在说非主流的好处 这里又用这么极端的语言来形容 需要进行限定)Thereby , in a incivility (词性作物) way, the nonmainstream science merely placed in a everyday life regulator. (这句跟之前有因果么? 因为只在心中所以不在日常生活中存在? 这句以及前面几句的关系都很散) And only our the real mainstream science can be the basic of our everyday  life.
  
In sum, with the development of our society and everyday life , our needs increasingly change repidly -- one single mainstream science cannot meet today hungry (eager) people , nonmainstream science make up in some certain area (之前说的不是area而是perspective吧). However , offsetting can not be equal to replace ,which only nonmainstream science harmony with the mainstream can meet the human needs authentically.

总体的感觉: 缺乏逻辑 车毂辘话来回说 每段的论证和论点都不能很好的对应 各段之间的连接也不连贯 缺乏实际例证 也缺乏组织 语法错误很多 包括不分词性滥用 从句结构不明确和一些词意义的不当使用

补完小别的任务恩
楼主的表达应该再平实点 我觉得出这么多问题是想说的太深奥了又缺乏相应的语言表达能力 一定要训练这种手法的话建议去读哲学类的原版书....

nocturnalUID: 2249703

The speaker asserts that the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a great role in contenting human needs meanwhile mainstream science can't. I strongly agree with the speaker in the certain domain such as satisfying physiology needs, contenting mental console and so forth. On balance ,in my opinion, the nonmainstream science as astrology ,fortune-telling, and psychic would not provide the real physical as the mainstream take to us .

  

When it comes to the area of mental matter "in" human ,the nonmainstream iquiry would take a solely place in which people spirit would be influnced or improved. As we all know, our subjective thinking don't refer to anything of physical area, which is a vane to take a research in a mainstream . However , although the inquair of nonmainstream might be difficult in requiring by the mass , it surely perform well in the subbjective domain. Consider one science of the nonmainstream as astrology, which refer to judge one’s future or predict the weather retorting to observe stars in night.If it estimate you will be glorious in the future, you would be delight in the whole day . Futhermore,If the happy thing come about in a sad or anxious person , it would help with going over their barricade. Thereby, in our mental world can only the nonmainstream science work.(感觉这一段的观点和常识有些相背,实在有些难以叙述,难道算命的说我有一个辉煌的人生我就会很高兴? 这个真有些难以理解,如果真要这么说需要加一些背景,比如中世纪的欧洲.而且为什么主观心情会和物质无关呢? 我想世界上大多数人会在发工资那天很高兴.建议换个观点比较好)

  
It is a more compelling example when talking about curiosity .Adimittedly, the real curiosity may arouse from our qulity and state of the unknown with genuine world . However, barely physical satisfactory would not imspire the deep imaging or thinking unless exista seperately approach cultivate their curiosity(这句话是什么意思啊?) . Surely the nonmainstream science take the burden as a method assisting arise imgine and thinking .For instance , we can do acquire a way or a method in which learn from astrology, and also gain a simply intuition in paranormal pursuits.Indeed we would not depend on it completely , it is only a plan controlling our physiology, however,the nonmainstream seience do help us.
  
On balance , nonmainstream inquiry don't contenting to all needs in human , the mainstream science still take the dominate area in meeting people physical needs .From a essentially respect , every nonmainstream science would not exist in our real world but our heart or our mental. They are nature alarmism or some deceive approach ,which  may effective in sharply low rate. Thereby , in a incivility way, the nonmainstream science merely placed in a everyday life regulator. And only our the real mainstream science can be the basic of our everyday  life.
  
In sum, with the development of our society and everyday life , our needs increasingly change repidly -- one single mainstream science cannot meet today hungry people , nonmainstream science make up in some certain area. However , offsetting can not be equal to replace ,which only nonmainstream science harmony with the mainstream can meet the human needs authentically.

感觉总体结构是对的 采用了肯定大半否定小半的结构, 但确实很多我不能理解,我感觉作者对个别词的理解有些偏差,比如From a essentially respect , every nonmainstream science would not exist in our real world but our heart or our mental 和 As we all know, our subjective thinking don't refer to anything of physical area, which is a vane to take a research in a mainstream
我都无法赞同这些论述是正确的.而且第二段太晦涩了,都没怎么看懂.