argument51 【认真作文互改小组】

wang984UID: 2284383

51The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."

1 2组病人情况不全相同，如年龄，身体强壮程度，心理状态，伤势等
2 2组病人康复环境不同，如饮食，恢复训练，与医生交流等
3 有少数病人对antibiotics过敏，结论显然过于一般化
This argument is well presented, but not thoroughly well reasoned. By making comparison of first group of patients, which took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment, with patients in second group, which were given sugar pills although they believed they were taking antibiotics, the arguer draw the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.
However, the argument fails to consider the internal differences between the patients of two control groups. Average age of patients in the first group is possible smaller than that of in the second group. If we assume that younger patients have less average recuperation time, which is often the case, the difference in average age may cause distinct results. Other factors, such as body health, psychological factor and muscle injuries, were possibly not the same. In many cases, a little difference in factors, which influence the treatment, could bring about great variance in results.
Additionally, there may be some possible alternative explanations to cause the distinct results between the two groups. Eating and drinking are important factors which greatly affect treatment and recuperation time because simply the truth that some specific foods or drinks could help to recover from muscle injury by providing large amount of nutrition needed, such as vitamin and protein. The first group may enjoy scientific prepared meal while the other group may not. However, the arguer fails to consider the difference on this point. Also, points were little considered like other pills used in treatment other than antibiotics, recovery environment, recovery training and communication between patients and doctors.
Further more, even if internal differences did not exist and all possible alternative explanations were ruled out, the arguer made the conclusion over generally that all patients with muscle strain should be well treated by taking antibiotics. As we known, some people are allergic to antibiotics and can not take this kind of medicine.
Overall, this argument, which is logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by ruling out all possible alternative explanations for different results. It could be further improved if patients in two groups with less internal differences were studied in this control experiment.

taroUID: 2286098

This argument is well presented, but not thoroughly well reasoned. By making comparison of first group of patients, which (who) took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment, with patients in second group, which (who) were given sugar pills although they believed they were taking antibiotics, the arguer draw the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.  模板好用,但有restate之嫌
However, the argument fails to consider the internal differences between the patients of two control groups. Average age of patients in the first group is possible smaller(lower) than that of in the second group. If we assume that younger patients have less average recuperation time, which is often the case, the difference in average age may cause distinct results. Other factors, such as body health, psychological factor and (the degree of) muscle injuries, were possibly not the same(in the two survey groups记得限定呀). In many cases, a little difference in factors, which influence the treatment, could bring about great variance in results.

Additionally, there may be some possible alternative explanations to(that) cause the distinct results between the two groups. Eating and drinking (habits) are important factors which greatly affect treatment and recuperation time because simply the truth that some specific foods or drinks could help to recover from muscle injury by providing large amount of nutrition needed, such as vitamin and protein. The first group may enjoy scientific prepared meal while the other group may not. However, the arguer fails to consider the difference on this point. Also, points were little considered like other pills used in treatment other than antibiotics, recovery environment, recovery training and communication between patients and doctors.

Further more, even if internal differences did not exist and all possible alternative explanations were ruled out, the arguer made the conclusion over generally that all patients with muscle strain should be well treated by taking antibiotics. As we known, some people are allergic to antibiotics and can not take this kind of medicine.

Overall, this argument, which is logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by ruling out all possible alternative explanations for different results. It could be further improved if patients in two groups with less internal differences were studied in this control experiment.


3篇1块发我也就一并改咯 倒着来
1 还是老问题, 滥用which引导的非限制性定语从句
2 注意适当改写首尾模板,显得活一些
3 B3稍嫌马虎,扩充
限时写的么 若是 不错的说

wang984UID: 2284383

没有限时
大概1个半小时完成
还有很长的路呀