argument147 同主题作文

iamstoicUID：2294314

In this editorial, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games, having declined over the past two years, are likely to increase significantly in the following few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics requiring the most state-of-the-art computers. Furthermore, he provides the evidence that several such games with an extensive advertising campaign has just been introduced in Whirlwind. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be reliable in that the claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Also, lacking the information about the number of video-game players surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that the sales trend of Whirlwind is about to be reversed. Are the players surveyed, younger than 10 or older than 25 years old, halfhearted in the video-game? If so, the results of the survey may contradict the author’s conclusion therefore his claim would be greatly unconvincing.

Secondly, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. It is likely that such games Whirlwind has brought in will not counteract the inability of the advertising with inferior management or false distribution strategies. It may, in fact, be their incompetent advertising approaches that keep the video addicts away from the Whirlwind and thus contribute critically to the sales decline.

Thirdly, the author’s claim may mask other (and potentially more important) causes of sales trend in the Whirlwind Company. Such causes may include price of its commodities, competition with rival companies, supply and demand in the current marketing economy, to name but a few. It is possible that Whirlwind’s new video-games are inexorably expensive. Or its competitors offer the video-games with equal quality but lower prices, which are presumed to attract more customers than Whirlwind’s. Before conclusions about the sales on the rise are reached, however, a more complete understanding of sales trend involving these alternative causes is needed.

Finally, there is no evidence provided that the next few months are the seasons for recreation, such as the summer and winter holiday, for the video-games to sell considerably. This might be a time when the majority of the adolescents were engaged in preparing for their final examinations and therefore the time spent on the video-game would be restricted by their supervisors.

Overall, the reasoning behind the dramatic increase in sales by courtesy of the newly introduced video-games seems logical since the survey as presented above. However, the arguer should evaluate all possible assumptions in order to substantiate his expectation of sales increase of Whirlwind.

franskyUID：2298470

In this editorial, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games, having declined over the past two years, are likely to increase significantly in the following few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics requiring the most state-of-the-art computers. Furthermore, he provides the evidence that several such games with an extensive advertising campaign has just been introduced in Whirlwind. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.(典型的xdf网络课程结构，就怕用的人太多)

First, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be reliable in that the claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Also, lacking the information about the number of video-game players surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that the sales trend of Whirlwind is about to be reversed. Are the players surveyed, younger than 10 or older than 25 years old, halfhearted in the video-game? If so, the results of the survey may contradict the author’s conclusion therefore his claim would be greatly unconvincing.

Secondly, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. It is likely that such games Whirlwind has brought in will not counteract the inability of the advertising with inferior management or false distribution strategies. It may, in fact, be their incompetent advertising approaches that keep the video addicts（换了用词，值得学习） away from the Whirlwind and thus contribute critically to the sales decline.

Thirdly, the author’s claim may mask other (and potentially more important) causes of sales trend in the Whirlwind Company. Such causes may include price of its commodities, competition with rival companies, supply and demand in the current marketing economy, to name but a few. It is possible that Whirlwind’s new video-games are inexorably expensive. Or its competitors offer the video-games with equal quality but lower prices, which are presumed to attract more customers than Whirlwind’s. Before conclusions about the sales on the rise are reached, however, a more complete understanding of sales trend involving these alternative causes is needed.

Finally, there is no evidence provided that the next few months are the seasons for recreation, such as the summer and winter holiday, for the video-games to sell considerably. This might be a time when the majority of the adolescents were engaged in preparing for their final examinations and therefore the time spent on the video-game would be restricted by their supervisors.

Overall, the reasoning behind the dramatic increase in sales by courtesy of the newly introduced video-games seems logical since the survey as presented above（这句话结构有点问题，不该用since）. However, the arguer should evaluate all possible assumptions in order to substantiate his expectation of sales increase of Whirlwind.

总的来说，我觉得比我好。（我也是新手，这也是我第一篇。。。所以改不出什么）
过渡词上最好能改进些，first,second虽然简捷，但太土了。
下次发贴注意格式，看看置顶

upupupUID：2297078

In this editorial, thearguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games, having declined overthe past two years, are likely to increase significantly in the following fewmonths. To substantiate this claim, the arguer cites the result of a recentsurvey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphicsrequiring the most state-of-the-art computers. Furthermore, he provides theevidence that several such games with an extensive advertising campaign hasjust been introduced in Whirlwind. A careful examination of this argument wouldreveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First, the survey cited by the author is too vague tobe reliable in that the claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, whoresponded, or how the survey was conducted. Also, lacking the information aboutthe number of video-game players surveyed and the number of respondents, it isimpossible to access the validity of the results that the sales trend ofWhirlwind is about to be reversed. Are the players surveyed, younger than 10 orolder than 25 years old, halfhearted in the video-game? If so, the results ofthe survey may contradict the author’s conclusion therefore his claim would begreatly unconvincing.[其实关于survey可以讲更多的，如survey调查的人video player和产品面向对象15-25还是有差入的；survey的答案graphics和销售也没有必要联系，等等。挖这一些关于survey更深层的比好过调查survey的可信度]

Secondly, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not takeinto account the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. It is likely thatsuch games Whirlwind has brought in will not counteract the inability of theadvertising with inferior management or false distribution strategies. It may,in fact, be their incompetent advertising approaches that keep the videoaddicts away from the Whirlwind and thus contribute critically to the salesdecline.[这一段感觉用词很高深，赞]

Thirdly, the author’s claim may mask other (and potentially moreimportant) causes of sales trend in the Whirlwind Company. Such causes mayinclude price of its commodities, competition with rival companies, supply anddemand in the current marketing economy, to name but a few. It is possible thatWhirlwind’s new video-games are inexorably expensive. Or its competitors offerthe video-games with equal quality but lower prices, which are presumed toattract more customers than Whirlwind’s. Before conclusions about the sales onthe rise are reached, however, a more complete understanding of sales trendinvolving these alternative causes is needed.

Finally, there is no evidence provided that the next few months are theseasons for recreation, such as the summer and winter holiday, for thevideo-games to sell considerably. This might be a time when the majority of theadolescents were engaged in preparing for their final examinations andtherefore the time spent on the video-game would be restricted by theirsupervisors.

Overall, the reasoning behind the dramatic increase in sales by courtesyof the newly introduced video-games seems logical since the survey as presentedabove.[有了一个overall, 是不是可以把这句话理解成：你认为arguer的推理基本证确？开头首句讲howgroundless, 这里又讲over all seems logical，有一点矛盾]However, the arguershould evaluate all possible assumptions in order to substantiate hisexpectation of sales increase of Whirlwind.

开头和结尾观点有点不统一
总体感觉不错
继续加油！

[ 本帖最后由 upupup 于 2007-2-8 14:15 编辑 ]

iamstoicUID：2294314

To fransky:谢谢你，义务帮我改哈哈。第一段我是照搬模板了。谢谢建议：）不过我没明白格式哪里错了？
To upupup:谢谢修改.关于调查,新东方老师说不能写太多.OVERALL是不是该换成in sum之类的?我的意思是这个观点乍看一下是对的,但仔细分析就会发现漏洞.

nkmatchUID：2242521

147 "Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age group most like to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

把题目给你补上，然后仔细看：）