argument71 大家有空拍拍~~

kitty_yyUID: 2292666

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
WORDS: 551          TIME: 0:46:00          DATE: 2007-2-8

The amount of electricity used by the industry which extract pure copper from ore will decline significantly, as the speaker concludes. The conclusion is based on a new copper-extracting technology which uses 40 percent less electricity than the older method especially when the proportion of copper is high. After careful scrutiny of the passage, I find that the conclusion is not credible.

Most of all, there is not any information about whether the new technology has been widely used. It is entirely possible that the new technology has just been created and have not been realized by most of the industry. Or may be it is too expensive to replace the old machines by the ones which are demanded by the new technology that few industry can afford. If the new technology has not been widely employed by the industry, how could it affect the electricity use of the whole industry? If it is the case, no matter how efficient the electricity is used by this technology, the amount of electricity provided to the industry will not decline.

Even if the new technology has been widely used by the industry, it does not mean that the amount of electricity employed will decline as a result. From the information which the passage provides, we realize that the new technology is more efficient only if the proportion of copper in the ore is high. What about the condition that the proportion is low? There is no evidence that the new technology can save electricity all the time. It is entirely possible that when concerning the average level of electricity use, there is no significant different between the new technology and the old one. If this is the case, how can we predict that the amount of electricity is to decline significantly? It is even possible that the amount of electricity used by the industry is to increase instead of decline. The passage does not provide any information about the ore used recently for extracting copper. It is entirely possible that since the quality of the ore is declining, the electricity will be used much more than before, although the new technology is more efficient when the proportion of copper is high.

There are many other flaws of the conclusion. The passage does not include the information about other aspects of the new technology, which may not be able to extract the copper as pure as the old one. If it is the case, the industry will use other means to refine the copper, which will need much more electricity. Or the new technology will produce many waste waters and metals which will pollute the environment. It will cause not only much money but also large amount of electricity to deal with the waste. If so, the use of electricity will increase as well.

In sum, based on the information of the passage, the conclusion is of little reliability. The speaker neglect many information such as the condition of the use of the technology and other  aspects of the technology. To support the conclusion, the speaker should provide enough evidence to prove that the technology will surly use less electricity than the old one on average and will not cause negative effects. And we also should be informed that it will be widely use by the industry before have the same conclusion.  

askmeUID: 2264776

The amount of electricity used by the industry which extract pure copper from ore will decline significantly, as the speaker concludes. The conclusion is based on a new copper-extracting technology which uses 40 percent less electricity than the older method especially when the proportion of copper is high. After careful scrutiny of the passage, I find that the conclusion is not credible.

Most of all, there is not any information about whether the new technology has been widely used. It is entirely possible that the new technology has just been created and have not been realized by most of the industry. Or may be it is too expensive to replace the old machines by the ones which are demanded by the new technology that few industry can afford. If the new technology has not been widely employed by the industry, how could it affect the electricity use of the whole industry? If it is the case, no matter how efficient the electricity is used by this technology, the amount of electricity provided to the industry will not decline.

Even if the new technology has been widely used by the industry, it does not mean that the amount of electricity employed will decline as a result. From the information which the passage provides, we realize that the new technology is more efficient only if the proportion of copper in the ore is high. What about the condition that the proportion is low? There is no evidence that the new technology can save electricity all the time. It is entirely possible that when concerning the average level of electricity use, there is no significant different between the new technology and the old one. If this is the case, how can we predict that the amount of electricity is to decline significantly? It is even possible that the amount of electricity used by the industry is to increase instead of decline. The passage does not provide any information about the ore used recently for extracting copper. It is entirely possible that since the quality of the ore is declining, the electricity will be used much more than before, although the new technology is more efficient when the proportion of copper is high.

There are many other flaws of the conclusion. The passage does not include the information about other aspects of the new technology, which may not be able to extract the copper as pure as the old one. If it is the case, the industry will use other means to refine the copper, which will need much more electricity. Or the new technology will produce many waste waters and metals which will pollute the environment. It will cause not only much money but also large amount of electricity to deal with the waste. If so, the use of electricity will increase as well.

In sum, based on the information of the passage, the conclusion is of little reliability. The speaker neglect many information such as the condition of the use of the technology and other  aspects of the technology. To support the conclusion, the speaker should provide enough evidence to prove that the technology will surly use less electricity than the old one on average and will not cause negative effects. And we also should be informed that it will be widely use by the industry before have the same conclusion.

中间才三段就550字，号强，点攻击的没错，结构也没问题，不过内部结构读起来有点乱，多用点连接词感觉会好点。