argument145 【LOVEAW】 第三次作业

njuliuyangUID: 2300567

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 471          TIME: 1:11:00          DATE: 2007-2-13
提纲：1、study 是否可靠
            2、许多人患sleep apnea容易疲倦以致无法锻炼基于常识和经验，需要科学证明
            3、结论过于草率和笼统。

On the basis of the evidence that many people who snore cease breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, which wakes people often and therefore leave the persons too tired during the day to exercise, and the study quoted concerning people who snore are more likely than the others to gain weight, the author comes to the conclusion that trying to eat less than the average person and exercising more will be a wise choice to overall persons who snore. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.

In the first place, the author fails to prove that the study quoted is statistically reliable. Perhaps the data regarding those who snore are more likely than the others to gain weight do not suffice to represent the general cases. It is entirely possible that the study excluded a large number of people who snore, however, do not tend to gain weight on account of other factors or their healthy habits. Failing to lend strong support to the study and rule out such possibilities, the author cannot convince me that people who snore are apt to gain weight.

Even if the study is reliable, the author fails to substantiate the statement that many people who snore suffer from sleep apnea waking them often and feel too tired during the day to exercise as a consequence. The argument rests on such common sense and experience, which need to be further tested and justified, and thus is questionable.  There is a good chance that so-called many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds simply account for a small proportion of overall people. Without justifying the statement and eliminating such possibility, the conclusion that anyone who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more is unfounded.

Finally, the author draws a too hasty and generalized conclusion that any one who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more based on the unsubstantiated assumption that overall people who snore are prone to gain weight on the ground that sleep apnea leaves them too tired to exercise. Yet, the argument leaves open the possibility that some people who snore do not feel too tried during the day to exercise so that they can exercise regularly like other normal people and do not tend to gain weight. Consequently, they need not strive to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

In sum, in light of some unsubstantiated data and assumptions, the conclusion that anyone who snore should try to eat less and exercise more is groundless. To justify the conclusion, the author should lend strong support the study and the claim that many people who snore suffer from sleep apnea waking them often and feel too tired during the day to exercise.

welcomebsUID: 2235250

On the basis of the evidence that many people who snore cease breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, which wakes people often and therefore leave the persons too tired during the day to exercise, and the study quoted concerning people who snore are more likely than the others to gain weight, the author comes to the conclusion that trying to eat less than the average person and exercising more will be a wise choice to overall persons who snore. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.

In the first place, the author fails to prove that the study quoted is statistically reliable. Perhaps the data regarding those who snore are more likely than the others to gain weight（这一部分做什么成分） do not suffice to represent the general cases. It is entirely possible that the study excluded a large number of people who snore, however, do not tend to gain weight on account of other factors or their healthy habits. Failing to lend strong support to the study and rule out such possibilities, the author cannot convince me that people who snore are apt to gain weight.

Even if the study is reliable, the author fails to substantiate the statement that many people who snore suffer from sleep apnea waking them often and feel too tired during the day to exercise as a consequence（提到feel too tired前面，作插入语，换换句式）. The argument rests on such common sense and experience, which need to be further tested and justified, and thus is questionable.（这句话很不错）  There is a good chance that so-called many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds simply account for a small proportion of overall people. Without justifying the statement and eliminating such possibility, the conclusion that anyone who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more is unfounded.

Finally, the author draws a too hasty and generalized conclusion that any one who snore should try to eat less and to exercise more based on the unsubstantiated assumption that overall people who snore are prone to gain weight on the ground that sleep apnea leaves them too tired to exercise. Yet, the argument leaves open the possibility that some people who snore do not feel too tried during the day to exercise so that they can exercise regularly like other normal people and do not tend to gain weight. Consequently, they need not strive to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.（分析的很不彻底，a导致b错了，因为a可能不会导致b，没有分析出具体的，看看例文。）

In sum, in light of some unsubstantiated data and assumptions, the conclusion that anyone who snore should try to eat less and exercise more is groundless. To justify the conclusion, the author should lend strong support the study and the claim that many people who snore suffer from sleep apnea waking them often and feel too tired during the day to exercise.

批驳的论点不充分，比如这个题目中有矛盾的错误。既然很累，那怎么可能多锻炼。如果吃得更少，那不是更累？
既然unoticed，为什么会导致第二天累？（这点有一点偏激，但是仍然可以作为批驳点）。说作者应该对sleep apnea 多多研究，这可以补充作为论证给第二段。
分析的不彻底，逻辑上应该多考虑。
词汇的替换还是比较丰富。