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[i习作temp] issue51 (076G 第二次作业)请大家指正 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-2-25 12:34:49 |显示全部楼层
TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 410          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-2-25

Education, from which people learn knowledge and the way to live, no doubt is one of the important things in our life. How can we let education become truly effective is a problem that many people concerned. The speaker asserts that education should specifically designed to meed every student's individual needs and interests. I have my reservation on this issue.

Admittedly, different students have different individual needs and interests. If we try to treat them in different way and teach them different knowledge, it will give them more help in some way. But if we only educate them in this way, there will be some problems.

As known to all, the purpose of education is not only teach student knowledge but also teach them the way in which they lead a good life and how to be a real man. I think maybe the second one is more important. We should teach student these things including communication, cooperation, to be honest and so on. Maybe some student don't like them. But it's necessary to do so. We can image that if we just teach students the thing they like or interest in, or only some knowledge and technology, when they enter the society they even don't know how to get along with other people. If that happened, we can say that the education is failure. It is that we teach student not only the things which they feel they need and interest in separate education from training.

On the other hand, if the minority' needs and interests are different from the majority. We should satisfy the majority's request. Nowadays the resource of education are limited. Research from the UNESCO shows that more than 52 percent of the area in the world does not have enough teachers and schools. In  some places, even a teacher has to teach more than a hundred students. On this situation, if the educators try to meet the individual needs and interests which are different from each other, maybe no one can learn any things. I am sure  that it will be less effective instead of truly effective.

In sum, it very likely that people will be hard to arrive at the same conclusion on this contrversial problem. Nevertheless, if public pay more attention to the education, it will get more improvement. And just remember that education should not only teach students things they like and  interest, and education should consider the interests of the majority.
相濡以沫,不如相忘于江湖

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发表于 2007-2-25 22:04:14 |显示全部楼层
我用几分钟看了文章发现问题如下:
    第一:字数不够,好像400来字对argument都不够。
    第二:观点大众化,你的观点太少没有展开。你可首先对比两者的好处和缺点,然后着重强调一个,在升华一下。
    第三:文章布局不合理, 前两段太短,前两段应该用来阐述最终要观点,不应该这么少才对。
    第四:结论漏洞太多,站不住脚,为什么有人关注问题就会解决,战争很多人关注为什么还是解决不了
hello

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发表于 2007-2-26 11:18:53 |显示全部楼层
Education, from which people learn knowledge and the way to live, no doubt is one of the important things in our life. How can we let education become truly effective is a problem that many people concerned. The speaker asserts that education should specifically designed to meed every student's individual needs and interests. I have my reservation on this issue.(开头我觉得应该把具体的自己观点提出,而不是单单的说这一句)

Admittedly, different students have different individual needs and interests. If we try to treat them in different way and teach them different knowledge, it will give them more help in some way. But if we only educate them in this way这两个way最好修饰一下,不清楚是哪种方法, there will be some problems.


As known to all, the purpose of education is not only teach student knowledge but also teach them the way in which they lead a good life and how to be a real man.(how to win a comfortable life after graduate and what is the most needed for him to build up his heart.物质和精神方面,论点挺好) I think maybe the second one is more important. We should teach student these things including communication, cooperation, to be honest and so on. Maybe some student don't like them. But it's necessary to do so能写成一句尽量写在一起 even though....however..... We can image that if we just teach students the thing they like or interest in, or only some knowledge and technology, when they enter the society they even don't know how to get along with other people. If that happened, we can say that the education is failure. It is that we teach student not only the things which they feel they need and interest in separate education from training.我觉得第一段再怎么说也应该赞成一下作者的观点而不是直接反驳。


On the other hand, if the minority' needs and interests are different from the majority. We should satisfy the majority's request. Nowadays the resource of education are limited.A Research from the UNESCO(United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization我觉得些全了好) shows that more than 52 percent of the area(district 否则我觉得是一个逻辑错误,南北极也属于area,当然没有老师了) in the world does not have enough teachers and schools. In  some places不可数, even a teacher has to teach more than a hundred students. On this situation, if the educators try to meet the individual needs and interests which are different from each other, maybe no one can learn any things. I am sure  that it will be less effective instead of truly effective.

In sum, it very likely that people will be hard to arrive at the same conclusion on this contrversial problem. Nevertheless, if public pay more attention to the education, it will get more improvement. And just remember that education should not only teach students things they like and  interest, and education should consider the interests of the majority.

PS。我觉得存在一个很大的问题,lz的结构有些混乱,这是内伤,issue3分标准就是结构。
建议
首先明确自己的观点,是赞成,反对,还是平衡。
然后从三个角度写文章,拿反对为例,
1段现赞成一下
2段反对
3段反对,当然这段需要再第2段的基础上的一个 递进
那赞成为例
1段现赞成一下
2段赞成一下,当然这段需要再第一段的基础上的一个 递进
3段反对

总之,反对与赞成的观点一定要明确,每段的小观点也一样要明确,并且不能跑题

关于结构有太多的要说了,建议lz看看前人的issue结构总结什么的,系统归纳一下。

加油吧,期待你写出好的文章来

有时间看看吧~多交流
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-615907-1-1.html
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成功源于心态
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RE: issue51 (076G 第二次作业)请大家指正 [修改]

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issue51 (076G 第二次作业)请大家指正
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