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[a习作temp] argument200 [076G飞跃小组]joyce8512第三次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-2-26 18:29:42 |显示全部楼层
TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
WORDS: 426        
限时失败。要是审题不要算时间就好了。最后一段收的很仓促,可还是超了6分钟。
我怎么觉得题干越短的题目就越难写呢?~翻来覆去同样几句话了~

In this argument, the arguer suggests that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To reach this conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist in a statistics, which indicate that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As reasonable as this argument seems at first glance, it is flawed in several respects.

To begin with, the assumption that men are more likely to faint than women while visiting dentist is unwarranted. The arguer fails to provide solid information with respect to the quantity and the condition of each patient. It is quite possible that the number of men who visiting dentists is larger than that of women, or perhaps the dental problems of men are more serious than women. Lacking such information, the conclusion that men are more likely to faint than women is still open to doubt.

Another problem that weakens the argument above is that the argument is based on a hasty generalization. Granted that men are more likely to faint than women in the same condition, which is, of course, an unsound assumption, it does not follow that the advertise target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will attract patients. Perhaps female consumer will not see dentists in these hospitals any more, which is adverse to the purpose of the dentists.

Furthermore, it is true that men faint three times more than women, it does not follow that they are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As we know, the appearances of men and women are different under certain circumstances. Women who feel distress may not faint immediately, or some of them just dare not to see dentists even when they have dental problems. Hence, the statement that men are more likely to be distressed than women is imperious.

To sum up, the conclusion rests on a series of doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To reinforce the argument, the arguer must provide clear evidence that men are indeed more likely to faint and be distressed than women during the dental work. To better evaluate this argument, the arguer must assure us that the advertisement aiming at men will attract them as well as women.
我怎么这么坚强啊!!!

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发表于 2007-2-26 20:57:32 |显示全部楼层
In this argument, the arguer suggests that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To reach this conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist in a statistics, which indicate that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As reasonable as this argument seems at first glance, it is flawed in several respects.

To begin with, the assumption that men are more likely to faint than women while visiting dentist is unwarranted. The arguer fails to provide solid information with respect to the quantity and the condition of each patient. It is quite possible that the number of men who visiting dentists is larger than that of women, or perhaps the dental problems of men are more serious than women. Lacking such information, the conclusion that men are more likely to faint than women is still open to doubt.(我是用具体数字论述的,这样更直观一些。 但是不管怎样,我觉得应该加上这样一句话,说要想证明男的更容易晕倒,应该提供具体的数字说明晕倒的男人在总的男人中站比例较大)


Another problem that weakens the argument above is that the argument is based on a hasty generalization. Granted that men are more likely to faint than women in the same condition, which is, of course, an unsound assumption, it does not follow that the advertise target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will attract patients. Perhaps female consumer will not see dentists in these hospitals any more, which is adverse to the purpose of the dentists.

Furthermore我觉得arug里面的论述都是并列的吧……恩 拙见, it is true that men faint three times more than women, it does not follow that they are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As we know, the appearances of men and women are different under certain circumstances. Women who feel distress may not faint immediately, or some of them just dare not to see dentists even when they have dental problems. Hence, the statement that men are more likely to be distressed than women is imperious.我觉得这段应该放在第二个,因为要尊重题目的顺序

To sum up, the conclusion rests on a series of doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To reinforce the argument, the arguer must provide clear evidence that men are indeed more likely to faint and be distressed than women during the dental work. To better evaluate this argument, the arguer must assure us that the advertisement aiming at men will attract them as well as women.


帮我看看argu吧 这里很少有人批argu的 我觉得argu的问题应该还是挺多
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-616558-1-1.html
至于lz,我觉得应该在每段内部论述的逻辑关系上下一点工夫,多一些明显的递进或者并列列举他因。
凡是贵在坚持
成功源于心态
…………………

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发表于 2007-2-26 21:26:06 |显示全部楼层

回复 #2 disyoo 的帖子

文章总的来说句式写的不错.只是我感觉错误找得不是太充分..     一:调查报告可能有问题.

                                                                                       二:即使这个调查报告正确牙医采取措施说他们这里拔牙不疼,也可能不会吸引到怕牙疼的人.因为他们可能第一来看牙,不知道自己会很怕疼.并且人们更注重看牙的水平,疼一点也可以了,只要能看好就行   三: 即使他成功吸引来这些人来了.却忽视了其他的大部分人群.有的赚吗?如果没有一切扯淡....

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发表于 2007-2-26 23:48:15 |显示全部楼层
argument200 [076G飞跃小组]joyce8512第三次作业

TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
WORDS: 426        
限时失败。要是审题不要算时间就好了。最后一段收的很仓促,可还是超了6分钟。
我怎么觉得题干越短的题目就越难写呢?~翻来覆去同样几句话了~

In this argument, the arguer suggests that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To reach this conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist in a statistics, which indicate that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As reasonable as this argument seems at first glance, it is flawed in several respects.(aspects)

To begin with, the assumption that men are more likely to faint than women while visiting dentist is unwarranted.The arguer fails to provide solid information with respect to the quantity and the condition of each patient. It is quite possible that the number of men who visiting dentists is larger than that of women, or perhaps the dental problems of men are more serious than women. Lacking such information, the conclusion that men are more likely to faint than women is still open to doubt.

Another problem that weakens the argument above is that the argument is based on a hasty generalization. Granted that men are more likely to faint than women in the same condition, which is, of course, an unsound assumption, it does not follow that the advertise(advertisement) target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will attract patients. Perhaps female consumer will not see dentists in these hospitals any more, which is adverse to the purpose of the dentists.

Furthermore,(even if ) it is true that men faint three times more than women, it does not follow that they are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. As we know, the appearances of men and women are different under certain circumstances. Women who feel distress may not faint immediately, or some of them just dare not to see dentists even when they have dental problems. (此处再加上男士与女生的对比可能更好点吧:confused: but men still ... )Hence, the statement that men are more likely to be distressed than women is imperious.

To sum up, the conclusion rests on a series of doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To reinforce the argument, the arguer must provide clear evidence that men are indeed more likely to faint and be distressed than women during the dental work. To better evaluate this argument, the arguer must assure us that the advertisement aiming at men will attract them as well as women.

个人感觉论证点也到了,但是仍然有点不尽充分的样子,如果能加上反面论证,比如i f...not 之类就更好了,就会更加有力度的:)
逻辑推理方面很完善,另外要限时啊,加油!

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发表于 2007-2-27 00:19:53 |显示全部楼层

回复 #3 liuwenyong12357 的帖子

谢谢!!!!!!!!
有点豁然开朗的感觉~
我怎么这么坚强啊!!!

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RE: argument200 [076G飞跃小组]joyce8512第三次作业 [修改]

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