Argument209 【0706G－LOVEAW】第三次模考 by iq28

iq28UID: 2152875

我觉得我的a离6分越来越远了.....

TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."
WORDS: 509          TIME: 0:27:00          DATE: 2007-3-9

The author of this argument suggests hire Rosa Winnings to take the place of Pat Salvo regardless of the much higher salary. Such recommendation is unacceptable for it merely based on a meaningless compare and several steps of logical confusing inferences. In the following details, I will discuss these flaws one by one.

To begin with, there is no evidence to prove the decline profit is due to the abysmal leadership of Pat Salvo. Profits are influenced by many other factors besides the leadership. For example, it may be the problems of the stock committee that they decrease the funding of the last three quarters which causes a budge funding of the company. This will obviously limit the whole development of the company seriously and the president is not responsible for it. Or it may even be possible that the whole market of the toy is suffering a recession, for children nowadays are often fascinated by the video games rather than toys. Compared with other toy companies, the declining rate of the profits of Fancy Toy Company may not be so significant due to the outstanding contribution of Pat Salvo. In such cases, the president should be rewarded rather than fired.

Even assuming that Pat Salvo is responsible for the predicament of the company, whether Rosa Winnings is worthy being trusted is still unknown. A threshold problem is that the author provides no evidence to prove the increasing profits of Starlight Jewelry are the efforts of Rosa Winnings. It is entirely possible that the success of the sales is due to the excellent advertisement campaign which is the effort of the manager of department of market rather than Rosa Winnings. It may even be possible that the jewelry price is increasing worldwide. As a result, many people are willing to purchase the jewelry, longing for the lasting increasing value of their jewelry at hand. Therefore, the increasing profit is due to the overall trends in the jewelry market, not the achievement of Rosa Winnings. It may even be possible that compared with the rivals, the Starlight Jewelry merely gained tiny promoting profits, which is the bad result of the awkward management of Rosa Winnings. If any of the potential factor is true, the ability of Rosa Winnings should be doubted rather than believed.

Granted that Rosa Winnings is attributable for the success of Starlight Jewelry, we still cannot predict she will also success in the Fancy Toy Company. The differences of the two companies, like the employee groups, the administration systems, whether Rosa Winnings will be familiar with all those changes and then spare her efforts immediately rather then bring about turmoil to Fancy Toy Company is unknown. What is more, the toy industry is different fundamentally from jewelry industry. These differences may cause the failure of Rosa Winnings.

In summary, the author should conduct further investigation of the failure of Fancy Toy Company and the success of Starlight Jewelry, and also he should investigate the differences between the two companies before once again he proposes his plan.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-13 09:27 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

越看越郁闷
第三个body居然会没时间展开|||

荧惑UID: 2280559

The author of this argument suggests hire Rosa Winnings to take the place of Pat Salvo regardless of the much higher salary. Such recommendation is unacceptable for it merely based on a meaningless compare and several steps of logical confusing inferences. In the following details, I will discuss these flaws one by one(...好有气势啊，8过是不是说得太过啦，万一有严重的错误漏掉了...).

To begin with, there is no evidence to prove the decline profit is due to the abysmal leadership of Pat Salvo. Profits are influenced by many other factors besides the leadership. For example, it may be the problems of the stock committee that they decrease the funding of the last three quarters which causes a budge funding of the company. This will obviously limit the whole development of the company seriously and the president is not responsible for it. Or it may even be possible that the whole market of the toy is suffering a recession, for children nowadays are often fascinated by the video games rather than toys. Compared with other toy companies, the declining rate of the profits of Fancy Toy Company may not be so significant due to the outstanding contribution of Pat Salvo. In such cases, the president should be rewarded rather than fired.

Even assuming that Pat Salvo is responsible for the predicament of the company, whether Rosa Winnings is worthy being trusted is still unknown. A threshold problem is that the author provides no evidence to prove the increasing profits of Starlight Jewelry are the efforts of Rosa Winnings. It is entirely possible that the success of the sales is due to the excellent advertisement campaign which is the effort of the manager of department of market rather than Rosa Winnings. It may even be possible that the jewelry price is increasing worldwide. As a result, many people are willing to purchase the jewelry, longing for the lasting increasing value of their jewelry at hand. Therefore, the increasing profit is due to the overall trends in the jewelry market, not the achievement of Rosa Winnings. It may even be possible that compared with the rivals, the Starlight Jewelry merely gained tiny promoting profits, which is the bad result of the awkward management of Rosa Winnings. If any of the potential factor is true, the ability of Rosa Winnings should be doubted rather than believed.

Granted that Rosa Winnings is attributable for the success of Starlight Jewelry, we still cannot predict she will also success in the Fancy Toy Company. The differences of the two companies, like the employee groups, the administration systems, whether Rosa Winnings will be familiar with all those changes and then spare her efforts immediately rather then bring about turmoil to Fancy Toy Company is unknown. What is more, the toy industry is different fundamentally from jewelry industry. These differences may cause the failure of Rosa Winnings.

In summary, the author should conduct further investigation of the failure of Fancy Toy Company and the success of Starlight Jewelry, and also he should investigate the differences between the two companies before once again he proposes his plan.

--没什么好说得，写得这么好，拿不了6分到出鬼了。--前两个Body太长了，反例的作用也有点重复，省下点时间放在第三段不就匀称了~

iq28UID: 2152875

我觉得没6
最后一body没有well-developed
而且语言也不是很好

荧惑UID: 2280559

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-3-9 13:51 发表
我觉得没6
最后一body没有well-developed
而且语言也不是很好

LZ千万别这么说，这是污辱广大平凡的gter的文笔啊~

iq28UID: 2152875

大家练一个月就可以超过我很多了
你可以搜搜看我刚刚开始写aw的时候能写出来的都是什么...

zrrifleUID: 2228857

写的不错啊,不过我觉得你最好加点推理,像第二个论证段我觉得去掉最后一个例子换成说理你觉得怎么样?

zjx021UID: 2279365

崇拜