ARGUMENT65 求拍

ADHDUID??2308787

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."



The notion that discontinuing stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is best way to improve profit all of their chains seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, the author does offer some relevant evidences and the assumption underlying this argument are not without merit. However several important concerns, which the arguer fails to address in the analysis, may seriously mask other logic flaws.

First of all, as mentioned in the argument, the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses which were from W. The arguments reset on the assumption that situation in the newest chain typify nationwide. If this is not the case, then it is entirely possible that domestic cheddar cheese is not the best-selling in other places. Perhaps, there is strong competition with other stores, which can cause reducing of the marketing. Moreover, people in other places may do not take this in their daily life. All of these will crippled the assumption that customers of chain's different stores all have same preference. On the other hand, the author commits a fallacy of all things are equal. Assuming that at one time domestic cheese is the best-selling, the speaker infers a similar situation today and in future. The case before might be different from today, maybe a majority of customers have changed their taste who prefer domestic cheese of W one year ago. Lacking better evidence that status quo would continue, the author cannot persuade me that they have bright retail market of domestic cheese as before.

Profit is a factor of not only revenue but also cost without a complete cost-benefit analysis, it si unfair to conclude that concentrate on domestic cheese would benefit greatly. As I discussed above, they will have to push the new product to win sales there's lots of competition. And even contingencies such as market change, material and labor costs, legislative moves, and national or international economic cycle can all lead to dropping profit. Consequently, unless the author can demonstrate that the chain will revenues from all of these projects, the author's concern about these issue is unfounded.

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another logic flaws involved in the statement that a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicated an increasing preference for cheeses among its subscribers .However we are not informed whether the survey required the respondents to choose their preferences. Alternatives, if they did then the survey distort the genuine indication of propensity to consume.

Taking into account all these factors we may safely come to the conclusion to strengthen the recommendation speaker must provide clear evidence that which brand of cheeses will be the most popular in the future. Also I would need more informations from each place about customer's preferences.

[ 本帖最后由 ADHD 于 2007-3-21 00:26 编辑 ]

bh_akiUID??2212616

标准的模板开头啊.呵呵,收藏……
其他的就显得没有那么好了,论述层次不清,用语也还是有不少错误.
不过比I好多了,期待吧,
没有时间了,没有仔细改,不好意思了.

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

以后要把题目贴出来

iq28UID??2152875

愤怒了
这次说到做到
不按格式发帖的坚决不改

iq28UID??2152875

标题改掉
把题目发上来
然后用论坛短信告诉我我再来改

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

狠

annlyseaUID??2219320

HOHO~~小牛人怒列~！ 卡卡
阿拉怕怕 赶紧飘走

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

The notion that discontinuing stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is best way to improve profit all of their chains seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, the author does offer some relevant evidences and the assumption underlying this argument are not without merit. However several important concerns, which the arguer fails to address in the analysis, may seriously mask other logic flaws.(两句话好拗口，并成一句吧，与其写这么长，不如body多写点)

First of all, as mentioned in the argument, the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses which were from W. 前后两句逻辑关系不紧密The arguments reset（relies） on the assumption that situation in the newest chain typify nationwide. If this is not the case, then it is entirely possible that domestic cheddar cheese is not the best-selling in other places.（读上去怪怪的。还不如写分成两句Yet, it is probably not the case. It is entirely possible that….） Perhaps, there is strong competition with other stores, which can cause reducing of the marketing.(这句话想说明啥？) Moreover,看不出有什么递进关系 people in other places may do not take this（指代啥？） in their daily life. All of these will crippled好高级的词，不过是不是语法错了？ the assumption that customers of chain's different stores all have same preference. On the other hand, the author commits a fallacy of all things are equal. Assuming that at one time domestic cheese is the best-selling, the speaker infers a similar situation today and in future.（好酷的模版） The case before might be different from today, maybe a majority of customers have changed their taste who prefer domestic cheese of W one year ago. Lacking better evidence that status quo would continue, the author cannot persuade me that they have bright retail market of domestic cheese as before.

转接词怎么也不加个？Profit is a factor of not only revenue but also cost 语法without a complete cost-benefit analysis, it si unfair to conclude that concentrate on domestic cheese would benefit greatly. As I discussed above, they will have to push the new product to win sales there's lots of competition. And even contingencies such as market change, material and labor costs, legislative moves, and national or international economic cycle can all lead to dropping profit. Consequently,（删） unless the author can demonstrate that the chain will revenues from all of these projects, the author's concern about these issue is unfounded.（没有什么实质内容，所有profits都可以这么写，要联系题目）

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another logic flaws involved in the statement that a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicated an increasing preference for cheeses among its subscribers .However we are not informed whether the survey required the respondents to choose their preferences. Alternatives, if they did then the survey distort the genuine indication of propensity to consume.既然都necessary to point out，你就写这么点，太不给面子了吧

Taking into account all these factors we may safely come to the conclusion to strengthen the recommendation speaker must provide clear evidence that which brand of cheeses will be the most popular in the future.（怎么和我issue结尾怎么像，晕，还有着语法实在让我看不懂） Also I would need more informations from each place about customer's preferences.

一段比一段写得少，最后一段居然只有一句有用的话。
举出的反例也真够简单的
段与段之间没有逻辑，段内论述也没有逻辑
新手的错误犯齐，好现象加油

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

帮iq先改改，水平有限，

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

如果改得好，那还请iq帮我看看issue了

iq28UID??2152875

原帖由 ILOVEISSUE 于 2007-3-21 00:43 发表
如果改得好，那还请iq帮我看看issue了

看了
不过...
没必要酱紫的了....
还是要谢过....

iq28UID??2152875

醒来再改~
刚才忙申请去了~
不好意思哈~

iq28UID??2152875

The notion that discontinuing stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is best way to improve profit all of their chains seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, the author does offer some relevant evidences and the assumption underlying this argument are not without merit. However several important concerns, which the arguer fails to address in the analysis, may seriously mask other logic flaws. (restate不看-_-||)

First of all, as mentioned in the argument, the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses which were from W. The arguments reset on the assumption that situation in the newest chain typify (单复数) nationwide.If this is not the case,(累述.删去) then it is entirely possible that domestic cheddar cheese is not the best-selling in other places. Perhaps, there is strong competition with other stores, which can cause reducing of the marketing. Moreover,(递进不明显) people in other places may do not(语病) take this in their daily life. All of these will crippled(语法) the assumption that customers of chain's different stores all have same preference. On the other hand, the author commits a fallacy of all things are equal.(空话少说.这种ts说出来之后都不知道你下面到底要攻击什么) Assuming that at one time domestic cheese is the best-selling, the speaker infers a similar situation today and in future. The case before might be different from today, maybe a majority of customers have changed their taste who prefer domestic cheese of W one year ago.(反例苍白.而且太短.) Lacking better evidence that status quo would continue, the author cannot persuade me that they have bright retail market of domestic cheese as before. (模版痕迹太严重.绿色的是用处不大的模版,紫色的是真正需要的论证.模版的话都是非常成熟的.然后别的论证语言都显得幼稚,读起来让人觉得很便扭.)

(段落之间加上结构词会好一点) Profit is a factor of not only revenue but also cost(说反了.收入和支出是利润的因素.而不是利润是收入支出的因素) without (大写,语法) a complete cost-benefit analysis, it si unfair to conclude that concentrate on domestic cheese would benefit greatly. As I discussed above, they will have to push the new product to win sales there's lots of competition. (前提是你的假设成立,也就是别的地方确实有竞争.还有竞争的消耗支出到底是什么?你也没有说) And even (之间无让步关系) contingencies such as market change, material and labor costs, legislative moves, and national or international economic cycle can all lead to dropping profit. (这一段实例倒是说的不错) Consequently, unless the author can demonstrate that the chain will revenues from all of these projects, the author's concern about these issue is unfounded.

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another logic flaws involved in the statement (删) that a recent survey (done) by Cheeses of the World magazine indicated an increasing preference for cheeses among its subscribers. (整句语法混乱) However we are not informed whether the survey required the respondents to choose their preferences.(攻击点找得非常无厘头.) Alternatives, if they did (到底是什么alternatives?) then the survey distort the genuine indication of propensity to consume. (非常空的一个段落)

Taking into account all these factors we may safely come to the conclusion to strengthen the recommendation speaker must provide clear evidence that which brand of cheeses will be the most popular in the future. Also I would need more informations from each place about customer's preferences.

4-
攻击的顺序安排也不合理.
先置疑奶酪流行的可信度
然后说到利润
最后一个body居然又说可信度的问题
看上去很没有逻辑
这个文章需要学习的还很多
Lz多多参考argu精华区前辈的文章吧
加油



[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-22 00:03 编辑 ]