issue154 还有10天考试，非常紧张~第一次发I，恳请大家狠批互拍！

雨泣...UID：2118418

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 583          TIME: 1:34:33          DATE: 2007-3-20

提纲：
TS：基本同意，但家长和社会不能过多干涉教育，他们应该合作。
1、家长的作用：对孩子道德教育，日常教育。
2、社会的作用：给孩子提供更多机会接触社会。
3、学校教育更专业，提供多种课程扩大学生知识面。并且，当家长与学校在观念上产生冲突时，家长应当听教育者的，因为更专业。

The speaker claims that both parents and communities should take part in the local schools rather than only leave education to a group of professional educators since education is very significant. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that parents and communities take important role in children's education, and they should educate and influence the children in daily lives. However, these participations can not impede the principles and plans which designed by professional educators. Parents, communities and schools should cooperate and help children to grow up in a healthy way in different aspects.

To begin with, the chief reason why I concede that parents must be involved in the local schools is that they are the most significant teachers in moral education. Human develop their characteristics, values, and moral standards mostly in their childhoods, and from their daily life. As we know, most children are brought up by their parents and spent almost everyday with them. Parent's behavior in daily life can deeply influence their children’s behavior and profoundly affect their distinctive characteristics. Children always act as what they see, say as what they hear. So parents have to set a good example to their children in all aspects in the daily life, which can help children to grow up healthily with high moral standards and good habits.

Secondly, we also can not neglect the importance of communities' participation, for they supply more chances for children to contact with the society and a comfortable community environment is vital for education. Communities have the responsibility to build a comfortable and healthy environment for children. The increasing number of arts exhibitions in the museum, excellent basketball games between two teams of children from different communities, or some job opportunities for children can give children more experiences. From arts exhibitions, children can appreciate such treasure our older generations created. From basketball games, not only competition but also cooperation they can understand. And from working experience, children learn the way to communicate and get along with others; they also realize exactly about what kind of job they truly love. Generally speaking, communities should act as a media for children to contact with the society and prepare for it.

Nevertheless, we can not overemphasize the function of parents and communities’ education, that is, school education is also crucial, to some extent even more considerable than the former one. After a long development, school education is more professional, and educators with professional training always require students to take courses in a variety of disciplines, ranging from the arts and history to mathematics, chemistry and other sciences. The curriculum designed by professional educators can help children to extend the range of knowledge, rather than focus on just one or two courses they are interested in. Sometimes parents hold different views about education and have conflicts to schools. For instance, whether to put a heavy pressure on children, such as frequent examinations or heavy assignment load, is an endless argument between parents and professional educators. In my view, first, both of them should respect and understand each other, and then parents must give right to and trust professional educators to make decision about the education methods, for the reason that they are more professional in education.

To sum up, parents, communities and professional educators are all play important roles in education. We can not neglect or underemphasize anyone of them. Parents are the best moral teachers while educators in school are increasingly professional, at the same time, communities' active participant supply more opportunities for children to prepare for society. Consequently, the cooperation among them must be the best way for education.


注：自己已经在word里初步修改了一下，但很多遣词造句，还有自己的观点及展开都觉得很有问题，希望大家多给意见！谢谢！

[ 本帖最后由 雨泣... 于 2007-3-20 12:03 编辑 ]

雨泣...UID：2118418

浮~

zmqzmqUID：2316241

The speaker claims that both parents and communities should take part in the local schools rather than only leave education to a group of professional educators since education is very significant. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that parents and communities take important role in children's education, and they should educate and influence the children in daily lives. However, these participations can not impede the principles and plans which designed by professional educators. Parents, communities and schools should cooperate and help children to grow up in a healthy way in different aspects.
To begin with, the chief reason why I concede that parents must be involved in the local schools is that they are the most significant teachers in moral education. Human develop their characteristics, values, and moral standards mostly in their childhoods, and from their daily life. As we know, most children are brought up by their parents and spent almost everyday with them. Parent's behavior in daily life can deeply influence their children’s behavior and profoundly affect their distinctive characteristics. Children always act as what they see, say as what they hear. nce4。。。So parents have to set a good example to their children in all aspects in the daily life, which can help children to grow up healthily with high moral standards and good habits.
Secondly, we alsoeither can not neglect the importance of communities' participation, for they supply more chances for children to contact with the society and a comfortable community environment is vital for education. Communities have the responsibility to build a comfortable and healthy environment for children.（罗嗦） The increasing number of arts exhibitions in the museum, excellent basketball games between two teams of children from different communities, or some job opportunities for children can give children more experiences. From arts exhibitions, children can appreciate such treasure our older generations created. From basketball games, not only competition but also cooperation they can understand. And from working experience, children learn the way to communicate and get along with others; they also realize exactly about what kind of job they truly love. Generally speaking, communities should act as a media for children to contact with the society and prepare for it.
Nevertheless, we can not overemphasize the function of parents and communities’ education, that is, school education is also crucial, to some extent even more considerable（用词不准） than the former one. After a long development, school education is more professional, and educators with professional training always require students to take courses in a variety of disciplines, ranging from the arts and history to mathematics, chemistry and other sciences. The curriculum designed by professional educators can help children to extend the range of knowledge, rather than focus on just one or two courses they are interested in. (思维跳跃)Sometimes parents hold different views about education and have conflicts to schools. For instance, whether to put a heavy pressure on children, such as frequent examinations or heavy assignment load, is an endless argument between parents and professional educators. In my view, first, both of them should respect and understand each other, and then parents must give right to and trust professional educators to make decision about the education methods,（偏离ts） for the reason that they are more professional in education（arbitrary）.
To sum up, parents, communities and professional educators are all play important roles in education. We can not neglect or underemphasize anyone of them. Parents are the best moral teachers while educators in school are increasingly professional, at the same time, communities' active participant supply more opportunities for children to prepare for society. Consequently, the cooperation among them must be the best way for education.(好棒的结尾，崇拜)
写得太好了，语言一流，论证较有力，牛啊
给我看看吧http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-631743-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 zmqzmq 于 2007-3-21 00:00 编辑 ]

雨泣...UID：2118418

谢谢zmqzmq
倒数第二段的后半部我自己也觉得写偏题了，但是不知道怎么拽回来...郁闷
结尾后来修改过了....惭愧

你的我已经改了，水平有限多多见谅。

iq28UID：2152875

让我先睡一觉再来吧~~

iq28UID：2152875

The speaker claims that both parents and communities should take part in the local schools rather than only leave education to a group of professional educators since education is very significant. I fundamentally agree with the speaker that parents and communities (没有重点强调出两者都要参与.读起来很便扭) take important role in children's education, and they should educate and influence the children in daily lives. However, these participations can not impede the principles and plans which designed by professional educators. Parents, communities and schools should cooperate and help children to grow up in a healthy way in different aspects. (全文真正的ts.开头段虽然长,但还是很清楚的.不错)

To begin with, the chief reason why I concede that parents must be involved in the local schools is that they are the most significant teachers in moral education. (第一个ts) Human develop their characteristics, values, and moral standards mostly in their childhoods, and from their daily life. As we know, most children are brought up by their parents and spent (时态不一致.都用现在时就可以了) almost everyday with them. Parent's behavior in daily life can deeply influence their children’s behavior and profoundly affect their distinctive characteristics. (只是陈述事实可以影响.相当于只是对于ts的重复.不能算很成功的论证.但是段落结构已经很不错了) Children always act as what they see, say as what they hear. So parents have to set a good example to their children in all aspects in the daily life, (这段论证倒是强调了小孩小时候喜欢模仿.但是没有跟道德连系起来.最多只能说到习惯) which can help children to grow up healthily with high moral standards and good habits.

Secondly, we also can not neglect the importance of communities' participation, for they supply more chances for children to contact with the society and a comfortable community environment is vital for education. (后半句已经属于论证了.可以不用跟ts混在一起) Communities have the responsibility to build a comfortable and healthy environment for children. The increasing number of arts exhibitions in the museum, excellent basketball games between two teams of children from different communities, or some job opportunities for children can give children more experiences. (你在这里说的随即communities是should和how教育小孩.题目要你论证的是why) From arts exhibitions, children can appreciate such treasure our older generations created. (created by our older generations) From basketball games, not only competition but also cooperation they can understand. (篮球赛学校也可以举办.不能算是社区的特色) And from working experience, children learn the way to communicate and get along with others; they also realize exactly about what kind of job they truly love. Generally speaking, communities should act as a media for children to contact with the society and prepare for it. (只有最后一个工作的例子算是支持了这句话的观念.前面的博物馆跟社会关系不大,篮球不是社区特有的优势)

Nevertheless, we can not overemphasize the function of parents and communities’ education, that is, school education is also crucial, to some extent even more considerable than the former one. (ts) After a long development, school education is more professional, and educators with professional training always require students to take courses in a variety of disciplines, ranging from the arts and history to mathematics, chemistry and other sciences. (强调出学校专业教育的 优势.不错) The curriculum designed by professional educators can help children to extend the range of knowledge, rather than focus on just one or two courses they are interested in. (使学生学习到各种类型的知识) Sometimes parents hold different views about education and have conflicts to schools. (怎么讲到冲突了?如果要讲到的话最好来一个让步,甚至单独开一个段落) For instance, whether to put a heavy pressure on children, such as frequent examinations or heavy assignment load, is an endless argument between parents and professional educators. In my view, first, both of them should respect and understand each other, and then parents must give right to and trust professional educators to make decision about the education methods, for the reason that they are more professional in education. (理由苍白.只是说专业.相当于把ts重复了一遍)

To sum up, parents, communities and professional educators are all play important roles in education. We can not neglect or underemphasize anyone of them. Parents are the best moral teachers while educators in school are increasingly professional, at the same time, communities' active participant supply more opportunities for children to prepare for society. Consequently, the cooperation among them must be the best way for education. (最后一句算是升华了一下.)

框架很清楚,三个段落分别讲三个方面.这个使要肯定的地方
段落内部论证也已经比大部分人要成熟了
虽然还不能算很有深度的论证.

加油
lz的issue已经入门了
这篇个人觉得有4+

雨泣...UID：2118418

非常感谢版主的修改！

我会继续努力的～