Issue48 第一篇，求狠拍！

freeatomUID：2142222

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."


1.伟人的重要性
2.普通人的重要性
3研究伟人好


Has the studying of history places too much emphasis on individuals and neglects the mass? It's true that today most the studies of history are on the individuals, but there are several reasons for this.

The first is that the famous few indeed play an important role in the history. Most of the time they are the governor or people in power in their time, they have much influence on the other people. The ordinary people may do what he or she wants them to do and think what he thinks. So comparing to ordinary people, the famous individuals have impact the society more which make them deserve the study. Without them the history may changed or delayed. An example come out of my mind is that of Lincoln, one of the president in America, who broke the slavery and declare the liberty of the slaves which in turn breed the war of North and South . Another example is that of Bill Gate who dropped out the Harvard and found the Microsoft which has know become one the biggest company in the world. If not for Bill Gates, we would not take advantage of using such convenience and comfortable operation system like MS-DOS and Windows.

Although the famous few are so important, we can not forget the mass. After all it is the mass and the famous individuals together compose the society and in which the size of the mass is much larger than that of the famous few. Without the help and effort of the mass the individual cannot do anything, and they were just like the other ordinary people. It is the mass who do most of the job and make the individual’s dream become true. Moreover, whether or not the very individual exist in the very time, the society will go to the same way though it may make take more time to have another individual came out or let it happen by itself. The famous individual is just like the catalyst, they speed up the process. Can we imagine what it would be like if the slave and other white man does not support Lincoln's assertion. In that case Lincoln would not be the famous few know to all of us now. But the slavery would be abrogate finally. Furthermore, some of the important affairs in the history are totally done by the mass.

Besides the facts that the mass play such an important in the history, I still believe that the study of history should put emphasis on individuals. As for the historians, most of the research materials are about the famous few, which give them much convenience to study on. What’s more, through the famous few, we can also know the ordinary people, more or less, around them. Another reason is that the famous few often have some precious characters which may exist but scattered in the mass with them, by studying the famous few, we can set them as models, then the following generation can study from them. Also the story of the famous few would more attractive to us which may make us easy understood what had happened in history.

From what I have said above, I would draw the conclusion that studying on individual would be a better choice for both the historian and ordinary people. Studying on the Individuals as the representative is a shot cut to better know both the individuals and the ordinary people with the limited resource and energy.

[ 本帖最后由 freeatom 于 2007-3-23 22:58 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

Has the studying of history places too much emphasis on individuals and neglects the mass? It's true that today most the studies of history are on the individuals, but (没有太大必要转折) there are several reasons for this. (虽然能看出来你是反对作者的态度,但是最好还是要明确表态一下)

The first is that the famous few indeed play an important role in the history. Most of the time they are the governor or people in power in their time, (两句之间应该句号了) they have much influence on the other people. The ordinary people may do what he or she wants them to do and think what he thinks. So comparing (好像应该是compared) to ordinary people, the famous individuals have impact the society more which make(s) them deserve the study. Without them the history may changed or delayed. (不得不说,虽然你的词汇看上去很简陋,但是这几句论证比大部分人的issue都要好!而且在让人看了刚觉得论证要开始乏味的时候开始来例子.bingo) An example come out of my mind is that of Lincoln, one of the president in America, who broke the slavery and declare the liberty of the slaves which in turn breed the war of North and South. (例子和上面的论证不是很match上面强调的是伟人通过对于别人的影响来作出贡献,例子只是陈述了林肯的事迹) Another example is that of Bill Gate who dropped out the Harvard and found the Microsoft which has know become one the biggest company in the world. (理由同上.例子太糟糕) If not for Bill Gates, we would not take advantage of using such convenience and comfortable operation system like MS-DOS and Windows. (虎头蛇尾.例子跟前面几乎就是不相干.而且段尾没有总结)

Although the famous few are so important, we can not forget the mass. (你再看看你文章的首段,给出的是完全反对的态度.这里怎么在中间就开始赞成观念了呢?就算要平衡一下在最后一个body也更加合理.除非你把首段就写成平衡观念或者有保留反对) After all it is the mass and the famous individuals together compose the society and in which the size of the mass is much larger than that of the famous few. (无用的一句.人多又怎么了?) Without the help and effort of the mass the individual cannot do anything, and they were just like the other ordinary people. (前半句空洞,后半句让人看不懂.ordinary people跟下面的论证有关么?就算要出现这中人群,他和ordinary也应该是同一个意思,不要再说just like了) It is the mass who do most of the job and make the individual’s dream become true. (这句相对前面就好了很多) Moreover, whether or not the very individual exist in the very time, the society will go to the same way though it may make take more time to have another individual came out or let it happen by itself. (非常bingo的观念!) The famous individual is just like the catalyst, they speed up the process. Can we imagine what it would be like if the slave and other white man does not support Lincoln's assertion. In that case Lincoln would not be the famous few know to all of us now. But the slavery would be abrogate finally. (bingo.例子首先match了ts,而且表述也不罗唆.bingo.再强调一下奴隶会解放的必然性以及他们自身发挥的作用会更好) Furthermore, some of the important affairs in the history are totally done by the mass. (最后一句有点虎头蛇尾...怎么又虎头蛇尾了?)

Besides the facts that the mass play such an important in the history, I still believe that the study of history should put emphasis on individuals. (再次反对topic.看你怎么能把这个三个body之间的逻辑关系搞定) As for the historians, most of the research materials are about the famous few, which give them much convenience to study on. What’s more, through the famous few, we can also know the ordinary people, more or less, around them. (通过名人来了解他周围的人?都了解了还是普通人了?题目里面没有出现普通人,只是没有名字的group vs 名人.都有名字了就自动脱离group这个范畴了) Another reason is that the famous few often have some precious characters which may exist but scattered in the mass with them, (首先断句.其次这个观念跟第一个body中间的第一个观念类似) by studying the famous few, we can set them as models, then the following generation can study from them. Also the story of the famous few would more attractive to us which may make us easy understood what had happened in history.

From what I have said above, I would draw the conclusion that studying on individual would be a better choice for both the historian and ordinary people. Studying on the Individuals as the representative is a shot cut to better know both the individuals and the ordinary people with the limited resource and energy.

段内论证有你自己点闪光点
难能可贵
第一篇啊呵呵

段落之间的排布问题不小
首先反正反这种布局难度就很大
三个body之间必须要串成一条线
否则看上去会让人觉得逻辑很混乱

其次第三个body跟第一个body之间层次没有拉开
让人看了觉得重合很多

anyway
作为第一篇已经不错了
加油

freeatomUID：2142222

Has the studying of history places too much emphasis on individuals and neglects the mass? It's true that today most the studies of history are on the individuals, but that does not mean that we have forget the ordinary people who have make possibility the events and trend.

The first is that the famous few indeed play an important role in the history. Most of the time they are the governor or people in power in their time. They have much influence on the other people. The ordinary people may do what he or she wants them to do and think what he thinks. So compared to ordinary people, the famous individuals have impact the society more which makes them deserve the study. Without them the history may changed or delayed. An example come out of my mind is that of Lincoln, one of the president in America, who broke the slavery and declare the liberty of the slaves. Because of his announcement he gained the support of the slaves and most of the other people, whereas conflict the profit of the slavers which in turn lead the war of north and south. With the supports of the slaves, he finally won the war. So compared the slaves we should places too much emphasis on him.
Although the famous few are so important, we can not forget the mass. After all it is the mass and the famous individuals together compose the society and in which the size of the mass is much larger than that of the famous few, their efforts together make the society as we live in now. Without the help and effort of the mass the individual cannot do anything, and he or she would of one of the mass. It is the mass who do most of the job and make the individual’s dream become true. Moreover, whether or not the very individual exist in the very time, the society will go to the same way though it may make take more time to have another individual came out or let it happen by itself.  The famous individual is just like the catalyst, they speed up the process. Can we imagine what it would be like if the slave and other white man does not support Lincoln's assertion.  In that case Lincoln would not be the famous few know to all of us now. But the slavery would be abrogated soon or later as it is the tendency of the society that nobody can stop it.

Besides the facts that the mass play such an important in the history, I still believe that the study of history should put emphasis on individuals. As for the historians, most of the research materials are about the famous few, which give them much convenience to study on. What’s more, the famous few is the representative of the mass, he or she stand for the profit and thought of the mass. Through studying the individual, we can also know the mass. Another reason is that the famous few often have some precious characters which may exist but scattered in the mass with them, by studying the famous few, we can set them as models, then the following generation can study from them. Also the story of the famous few would more attractive to us which may make us easy understood what had happened in history.

From what I have said above, I would draw the conclusion that studying on individual would be a better choice for both the historian and ordinary people. Studying on the Individuals as the representative is a shot cut to better know both the individuals and the ordinary people with the limited resource and energy.

iq28UID：2152875

fenlei