issue120 有拍必回

5-fishUID: 2314532

题目：ISSUE120 - "So much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present."
字数：535          用时：0:47:22          日期：2007-3-24

Should "looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present" be true as the speaker asserts? I agree with the point that modern society is new and more complex than before, however, we should not overlook the crucial role of looking back in which history might help us understand present better.

It is true that in this rapid development of social level, most global existence is more different from before, no matter in physical matters or people's mind. Admittedly, in a sense, past information and skill, eventually history hardly helps us know the modern society. Industrialization, urbanization, and information innovation changed most aspects of our lives. Most fields cross together and the advent of new jobs and academic fields such as computer aided design, quantum communication, call for the particular proficiency and intelligence to each person in the world. There are also magnificent changes in some certain fields, such as communication, from letters to cell phone, which make past substance and institution and such as stamp and post office are poles apart form the pattern of today. Another example is library indexing, we can image a person who using label-searching well while know little about computer-searching, how to find the book he desire.

However, the society is not complete new form subsistence. Many old belongings play a significant part in today. For example, we have trade with each other for thousand years; no matter barter trade or E-commerce in the Internet, the essential of the business does not change. As well as transportation, several decades ago, people went out by walk, bicycle and car, today, although there is Aircraft, rail way, people also walk, ridding bike and drive car to their destination. In considering our lives, we celebrate the festivals for thousand years, such as Charismas Day, and Thanksgiving Day, which means our custom of culture dose not have the big change to some existence.

Though some complete new have emerged for very short time, almost all of them can trace their own sake, which means they stem from the old existence. Simple isolate stuffs are dominant elements in combing the complex subject, form paper-design to computer aided design, letters to E-mail. We can easily find the crucial soul and separated parts of the modern technology.

So looking back might make a considerable contribution for we know today. We know the something well when we trace its root, rather than superficially observation. By learning the root of the matters, we can know the original fundamentals. By studying the series of maturity of subjects, we can know its development direction. What is more, by anglicizing the parts thoroughly, we can assemble the cross-field-knowledge perfectly. Just like the E-commerce, we would take advantage of it, when we know the economical law and Internet temperament. When it comes to the communication fields, by researching form latter to cell phone, we can clearly see the visa of this area, instead of be cast about in the sea of information overload.

In sum, though the society’s level is at a stage of rapid developing, we could know most global existence well, by combining the existed part and researching the series of the past.

napUID: 196976

such as Christmas Day,

Though some complete new have emerged for very short time, almost all of them can trace their own sake, which means they stem from the old existence. Simple isolate stuffs are dominant elements in combing the complex subject, form paper-design to computer aided design, letters to E-mail. We can easily find the crucial soul and separated parts of the modern technology.

感觉这段最好并到上一段中

我能找到的好象就这些了，LZ水平很高
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-633936-1-1.html
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-633083-1-1.html
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-632454-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 nap 于 2007-3-24 20:45 编辑 ]

5-fishUID: 2314532

谢谢楼上的，不过我相信大家都是以诚相待的，我改你的文章的认真程度你也能看见，问题是也不必要这样一下留3篇吧，交换么？ ：）
改了178 一篇，你可以去看看

[ 本帖最后由 5-fish 于 2007-3-24 22:08 编辑 ]

cutearmaniUID: 2314487

issue120 有拍必回

题目：ISSUE120 - "So much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present."
字数：535          用时：0:47:22          日期：2007-3-24

Should "looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present" be true as the speaker asserts? I agree with the point that modern society is new and more complex than before, however, we should not overlook the crucial role of looking back in which history might help us understand present better( which might help us understand present better).

It is true that in this rapid development of social level, most global existence is more different from before, no matter in physical matters or people's mind. Admittedly, in a sense, past information and skill, eventually history hardly helps us know the modern society.(这句话ms是topic sentence，建议放在段首) Industrialization, urbanization, and information innovation changed most aspects of our lives. Most fields cross together and the advent of new jobs and academic fields such as computer aided design, quantum communication, call for the particular proficiency and intelligence to each person in the world. There are also magnificent changes in some certain fields, such as communication, from letters to cell phone, which make past substance and institution and such as stamp and post office are poles apart form the pattern of today. Another example is library indexing, we can image a person who using label-searching well while know little about computer-searching, how to find the book he desire.（这一段举了很多例子，但应该再总结一下为什么这些情况下，历史就不能帮助我们理解现代社会）

However, the society is not complete new form subsistence（？？）. Many old belongings play a significant part in today. For example, we have trade with each other for thousand years; no matter barter trade or E-commerce in the Internet, the essential of the business does not change. As well as transportation, several decades ago, people went out by walk, bicycle and car, today, although there is Aircraft, rail way, people also walk, ridding bike and drive car to their destination. In considering our lives, we celebrate the festivals for thousand years, such as Charismas Day, and Thanksgiving Day, which means our custom of culture dose not have the big change to some existence.这段论述的不错，不过我对那个走路的例子有点汗……

Though some complete new have emerged for very short time, almost all of them can trace their own sake（track）, which means they stem from the old existence. Simple isolate stuffs are dominant elements in combing the complex subject, form paper-design to computer aided design, letters to E-mail. We can easily find the crucial soul and separated parts of the modern technology.

So looking back might make a considerable contribution for we know today. We know the something well when we trace its root, rather than superficially observation. By learning the root of the matters, we can know the original fundamentals. By studying the series of maturity of subjects, we can know its development direction. What is more, by anglicizing（analysing） the parts thoroughly, we can assemble the cross-field-knowledge perfectly. Just like the E-commerce, we would take advantage of it, when we know the economical law and Internet temperament. When it comes to the communication fields, by researching form latter to cell phone, we can clearly see the visa of this area, instead of be cast about in the sea of information overload.

In sum, though the society’s level is at a stage of rapid developing, we could know most global existence well, by combining the existed part and researching the series of the past.

一些意见：
1.语感不错，但再注意一下用词会更好；
2.issue论述的时候注意在每一段的段首加上topic sentence，会使文章结构更清晰，也有利于在写作的过程中集中自己的思维。

annasweeUID: 2294850

Should "looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present" be true as the speaker asserts? I agree with the point that modern society is new and more complex than before, however, we should not overlook the crucial role of looking back in which history might help us understand present better.It is true that in this rapid development of social level, most global existence is more different from before, no matter in physical matters or people's mind. Admittedly, in a sense（好奇怪，我觉得LZ用个HOWEVER不就可以拉，你的表述不够明了。）, past information and skill, eventually history hardly helps us know the modern society. Industrialization, urbanization, and information innovation changed most aspects of our lives.（TS还算清晰的） Most fields cross together and the advent of new jobs and academic fields such as computer aided design, quantum communication, call for the particular proficiency and intelligence to each person in the world. There are also magnificent changes in some certain fields, such as communication, from letters to cell phone, which make past substance and institution（什么意思啊？话像说了一半断了） and such as stamp and post office are poles apart form the pattern of today. Another example is library indexing, we can image a person who using label-searching well while know little about computer-searching, how to find the book he desire.（例子举好你也不对例子做一定的分析？也不在做分析后提出自己的观点在做总结？你的那些例子是为了说明过去对现在新时代指导并不大。那你要说明的。Lz ISSUE的结构有点问题，要快点改过来。看看GTER上的几个精华贴吧。ISSUE的基本结构。） However, the society is not complete new form subsistence. Many old belongings play a significant part in today. For example, we have trade with each other for thousand years; no matter barter trade or E-commerce in the Internet, the essential of the business does not change.（例子一点不好，一点也不能体现过去对现在的重大影响。你可以说什么） As well as transportation, several decades ago, people went out by walk, bicycle and car, today, although there is Aircraft, rail way, people also walk, ridding bike and drive car to their destination. In considering our lives, we celebrate the festivals for thousand years, such as Charismas Day, and Thanksgiving Day, which means our custom of culture dose not have the big change to some existence.（除了FESTIVAL例子还可以以外，别的都很糟。我建议你要好好看看精华贴。你这段除了例子就没别的东西的。空洞的可以，结构就更不用说了）Though some complete new have emerged for very short time, almost all of them can trace their own sake, which means they stem from the old existence. Simple isolate stuffs are dominant elements in combing the complex subject, form paper-design to computer aided design, letters to E-mail. We can easily find the crucial soul and separated parts of the modern technology.（这段归谁管啊？用THOUGH了，就不要分行，可以补充论证上面那段。这样的分行会引起歧议的。）So looking back might（不要用MIGHT，你自己的观点干吗用MIGHT，你在最后用个TO SOME EXTENT 不就可以了，不然会显的你对自己的观点很没自信的样子） make a considerable contribution for we know today. We know the something well when we trace its root, rather than superficially observation. By learning the root of the matters, we can know the original fundamentals. By studying the series of maturity of subjects, we can know its development direction. What is more, by anglicizing the parts thoroughly, we can assemble the cross-field-knowledge perfectly. Just like the E-commerce, we would take advantage of it, when we know the economical law and Internet temperament. When it comes to the communication fields, by researching form latter to cell phone, we can clearly see the visa of this area, instead of be cast about in the sea of information overload.（这段的分析还算可以）In sum, though the society’s level is at a stage of rapid developing, we could know most global existence well, by combining the existed part and researching the series of the past.（结尾实在是太简单了，你用了让步提出了自己的建议，那么应该扩展一下这个建议的前景，让别人信服。）


总的来说，LZ的语言还是可以的，句子给人看了很舒服，语法也还过关。
但是，我不得不强烈地指出你的结构存在很严重的问题。
正常的一个分段结构应该是TS+TS说明+举例说明+例子+例子分析+提出观点。
LZ应该在方面好好过过关。加油~~~~~

5-fishUID: 2314532

太感谢 annaswee 了，呵呵，改的这么认真，我原来还没遇见过有这样好心的G友呢，能和你交流作文我感到很满意，我会按你的要求把这篇好好的重新改过的，然后我们再探讨

再次表示感谢。
我也是从结构，到语言走过来的，先开始发现结构不行，专门弄结构，然后又发现不会表达，等背了很多句子以后，又回到结构问题上来了，谢谢annaswee的提醒。

我会加油
也祝你考试顺利