argument200 iq斑斑指导后改版

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

４８０字

The author suggests the dentists a new advertise policy, which targets the male consumer and focus on their anesthetic techniques and the stuff’s sensitivity to nervous. After careful scrutiny, I found it logically flawed and I will present my reasons in the following discuss.   

To begin with, the statistics collected from dentists is open to doubt. First, the situation faced by these dentists may not represent the situation of overall dentists. It is possible that these dentists have much more male patients than the female. For example, if the number of male patients is 300 and 80 fainted, while they have only 100 female patients and 20 fainted, the women who fainted have relative more proportion than the men, which will weak the statistical credibility. Secondly, different degree of the disease may have the different possibility to faint. For an instance, those who need surgeon may bleed are more probable to faint than those who just need to take some pills. Perhaps those women just need dental examination to assure the dent is healthy, while a considerable proportion of these men need to take out teeth. In short, failing to ruling out this possibility, the author can not convince me that the statistics is reasonable.

Moreover, even if the statistics can reflect the real situation, it does not necessarily mean that men are easier distressed about having dental work than women. On the one hand, being distressed doesn’t necessarily faint. Women may be more distressed than men, but they often shout or cry instead of fainting. On the other hand, that men faint may be caused by other factors. These factors may include the anesthetic they use and their sensitivity to the smell in the hospital or institute. Without excluding these factors, the conclusion that men are more likely to be distressed than women is not plausible.

Finally, granted that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are, the proposal suggested by the author is open to question. There are other factors which influence the amount of the consumer. Such factors may include the service of the institute, the technique of the dentists, and the price and so forth. If the institutes have bad service, poor technique and relatively higher price, even if how wonderful and attracting their advertise is, it is still possible that they have few consumers. What’s more, the author overlooks the women patients. If the women patients have a large rate in the consumers, dentists may have a risk of losing considerable market. Before the suggestion, the author should consider more to meet the consumers' needs.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive. To give an accurate suggestion, the author should provide more information about the patients and consider much broader about the reason causing the patients faintness as well as the consumers other needs when visit dentists.
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The author suggests the dentists a new advertise policy, which targets the male consumer and focus on their anesthetic techniques and the stuff’s sensitivity to nervous. After careful scrutiny, I found it logically flawed and I will present my reasons in the following discuss.   

To begin with, the statistics collected from dentists is open to doubt. First, the situation faced by these dentists may not represent the situation of overall dentists. It is possible that these dentists have much more male patients than the female. For example, if the number of male patients is 300 and 80 fainted, while they have only 100 female patients and 20 fainted, the women who fainted have relative more proportion than the men, which will weak the statistical credibility. Secondly, different degree of the disease may have the different possibility to faint. For an instance, those who need surgeon may bleed are more probable to faint than those who just need to take some pills. Perhaps those women just need dental examination to assure the dent is healthy, while a considerable proportion of these men need to take out teeth. In short, failing to ruling out this possibility, the author can not convince me that the statistics is reasonable.(例子很充实，整段层次分明，批判很有力说)

Moreover, even if the statistics can reflect the real situation, it does not necessarily mean that men are easier distressed about having dental work than women. On the one hand, being distressed doesn’t necessarily faint.（如果有些过渡衔接就更自然拉） Women may be more distressed than men, but they often shout or cry instead of fainting. On the other hand, that men faint may be caused by other factors. These factors may include the anesthetic they use and their sensitivity to the smell in the hospital or institute.（这个说法好像有点牵强说，医院用药应该不分男女吧……）Without excluding these factors, the conclusion that men are more likely to be distressed than women is not plausible.

Finally, granted that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are, the proposal suggested by the author is open to question. There are other factors which influence the amount of the consumer. Such factors may include the service of the institute, the technique of the dentists, and the price and so forth. If the institutes have bad service, poor technique and relatively higher price, even if how wonderful and attracting their advertise（advertisement?） is, it is still possible that they have few consumers. What’s more, the author overlooks the women patients. If the women patients have a large rate in the consumers, dentists may have a risk of losing considerable market. Before the suggestion, the author should consider more to meet the consumers' needs.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive. To give an accurate suggestion, the author should provide more information about the patients and consider much broader about the reason causing the patients faintness as well as the consumers other needs when visit dentists.
楼主的文文应该算很好的啦……
水平非常有限，只能看出这么一点点不好。

拍完之余,可以求回拍小女子一下吗?
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