issue11【0706G-MYTH-II小组】第１０次作业 by 荧惑

荧惑UID：2280559

ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

Does it helpful for all nations to support the development of a global university? I basically agree that the global university may provide a method to solve the world’s most persistent social problems. However the idea seems to be fantastic, it is difficult to achieve such global plan among the different belief hold by different counties.

To begin with, the global university may befit to find out a solution of the social problems. If all nations support such plan, the global university will gather the world-wide famous scholars. These intelligent minds can discuss with each others, learn from different views among all nations. Such communication seems to provide more possibility to find out a advicable method to solve the social problems. The situation about the global university may be similar with the space station nowadays. The space station not belongs to only American, Japanese or any other country, but belongs to the whole world. Scientists in different countries joined in this plan, and the government spends budgets on building the scientific masterpiece which may represent the most advanced science and technology in human history. In the space station, the capital probably is Japanese, while the electric engineer is American, and the doctor is French. Such cooperation reperests the most advanced parts in the world, and leads us to explore not only the space but also the future of human being. The space station would be considered as one of the greatest scientific achievement in history. The global university would be as successful as the space station, if all nations in our world fully engaged in such plan.

While the global university seems to be fantastic at all, several obstacles which may happen in achieving such plan may be discussed. As far as I can conjure, there are three main problems may prevent the dream from being came true.

First, different from space station, the global university is to solve the social problems in world. Common sense tells us different countries share different view in social affairs; it is hard for all nations to share one common view. For example, the confliction in mid-east is mainly due to the different religion believes, both of which are deemed as the most important part in their national value. As result, none of them would agree with the others. The difference between the custom and religion is difficult to be eliminated, even has benn fully-communicated, which lead to the failure of the global university.

Second, the budget of global university is another big problem for the global university. The function of global university may be similar with United Nation in some extend, so it may suffer the same problem with the UN. Different countries play different roles in UN; some of them are crucial, and some of them seem to non-existing. The difference in the roles determines that some nations should pay money for UN, while most of them are reluctant. Such problems may happen in global university; the scholars from America may domain the university and greatly influenced the decision. Thus, should America pay the most of cost and other countries only pay few for the global university? It is hard to judge how much money should different countries contribute?

Third, the solution judged by the global university may not be accepted by all nations. For instance, a solution to solve the confliction in mid-east supports that Israel domain the whole Mount Moriah, which seems to the best result for Israel since Israel may pay the biggest part of money in establishing global university. Would Palestine accept the solution? As far as I can conjure, it is hard to be accepted by the whole Arabia world. There are a large number of such problems as the Iran wants to obtain the nuclear technology and America wants to promote democracy in North Korea. Since the solution would not be accepted by all nations, it is meaningless at all. For that matter, it is doubtful for the efficiency of the global university.

In sum, I basically agree that a global university is a reasonable advice to solve the society problem in world, but it will tough to achieve such plan unfortunately.


[ 本帖最后由 荧惑 于 2007-4-3 20:08 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

实在看不下去了
请了个高手来~
先谢谢他吧~~

荧惑UID：2280559

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-4-4 02:19 发表
实在看不下去了
请了个高手来~
先谢谢他吧~~

:confused: 是主题晦涩，语法难懂，还是？？
Anyway,Thx...;d:

最後の使徒UID：2257608

Does (Is) it helpful for all nations to support the development of a global university? I basically agree that the global university may provide a method to solve the world’s most persistent social problems. However the idea seems to be fantastic, (加since 前后逻辑关系需要用连词明确，不然这两句太散也不能写成一个句子) it is difficult to achieve such global plan among the different belief hold by different counties.(从结构上讲however之后的是主题句是没有问题的, 但是加以追问的话会发现你的文章还是中心不明确: 的确, 全球大学是好的, 但想实现很难.  那么是该支持还是不该支持呢? 这里你不是在会议上通过婉语向题目作者提建议, 而是直述自己的态度, 因此需要在这句之后给出明确的观点--由于这些困难的存在, 我认为让所有国家都去支持一所大学是不现实的, 不管它有多好. 注意题目中说的是should, 而不是can, 所以讨论的是建议性的想法, 一般而言对于建议会从可行性和有效性两个方面去讨论, 加以权衡得出结论, 可以说全球大学是有效性可能, 而可行性困难的建议, 因此如何权衡它们并作出选择是很重要的.)

To begin with (这种段首词没有任何信息量,写了只是浪费时间,不如用Admittedly之类表示立场的), the global university may befit to find out a solution of the social problems. If all nations support such plan, the global university will gather the world-wide famous scholars. These intelligent minds can discuss with each others, learn from different views among all nations. Such communication seems to provide more possibility to find out a advicable method to solve the social problems.(这里需要给detail, 什么problem,什么观点, 说到会让文章饱满很多) The situation about the global university may be similar with the space station nowadays. The space station not belongs to only American, Japanese or any other country, but belongs to the whole world. Scientists in different countries joined in this plan, and the government spends budgets on building the scientific masterpiece which may represent the most advanced science and technology in human history. In the space station, the capital probably is Japanese, while the electric engineer is American, and the doctor is French. Such cooperation reperests the most advanced parts in the world, and leads us to explore not only the space but also the future of human being. The space station would be considered as one of the greatest scientific achievement in history. (原因? 过程? 缘由? 作类比的时候需要把这些比较条件都给出来, 不然就很像argument中的错误类比. 所以这段把太多精力花在写航天站上显得顾此失彼, 没必要在航天站的细节上费太多笔墨, 说明它由不同国家支持带来资金和不同的技术就可以了, 然后得说明全球大学可以通过同样的方式得到好处.) The global university would be as successful as the space station, if all nations in our world fully engaged in such plan.

(缺少前后承接, 这里转的很生硬, 之前的好处怎么办? 一句"Unfortunately, a university is much more complex and tremendous than a space station" 会让文章连贯很多)While the global university seems to be fantastic at all, several obstacles which may happen in achieving such plan may be discussed. As far as I can conjure, there are three main problems may prevent the dream from being came true.

First, different from space station, the global university is to solve the social problems in world. Common sense tells us different countries share different view in social affairs; it is hard for all nations to share one common view. For example, the confliction in mid-east is mainly due to the different religion believes, both of which are deemed as the most important part in their national value. As result, none of them would agree with the others.(what has this got to do with the university? 这些国家在全球性大学中会打起来? 还是他们面临的问题全球性大学无法解决? 这个例子所支持的论点并不明确) The difference between the custom and religion is difficult to be eliminated, even has benn fully-communicated, which lead to the failure of the global university.(有论断没论证--为什么会使大学失败? 使其目的不同? 还是使其内部纷争? 还是使其无法交流?)

Second, the budget of global university is another big problem for the global university. The function (what function? details are needed) of global university may be similar with United Nation in some extend, so it may suffer the same problem with the UN. Different countries play different roles in UN; some of them are crucial, and some of them seem to non-existing. The difference in the roles determines that some nations should pay money for UN, while most of them are reluctant. Such problems may happen in global university; the scholars from America may domain the university and greatly influenced the decision. Thus, should America pay the most of cost and other countries only pay few for the global university? It is hard to judge how much money should different countries contribute? (然后呢? 由于分配不平均造成的权利不平均会导致大学失衡内部矛盾激化学术不纯等等, 跟前段一样, 论证没有深入到影响大学的本质和原理上, 显得缺乏说服力)

Third, the solution judged by the global university may not be accepted by all nations.(分论点之后最好加句解释. 直接举例子会让人不知道你想说什么) For instance, a solution to solve the confliction in mid-east supports that Israel domain the whole Mount Moriah, which seems to the best result for Israel since Israel may pay the biggest part of money in establishing global university. Would Palestine accept the solution? As far as I can conjure, it is hard to be accepted by the whole Arabia world. There are a large number of such problems as the Iran wants to obtain the nuclear technology and America wants to promote democracy in North Korea. Since the solution would not be accepted by all nations, it is meaningless at all. For that matter, it is doubtful for the efficiency of the global university. (global university=united nation?)

In sum, I basically agree that a global university is a reasonable advice to solve the society problem in world, but it will tough to achieve such plan unfortunately.

总评: 文章最大的问题是论证的深度上，很多观点都没有结合全球大学的功能和作用去说，只是一味的摆事实举例子，这些例子和全球大学的什么关系，有什么作用说的深度都不够，给人以把所有注意力都集中在政治上视野狭窄的感觉。如果能够提升论证高度，质疑全球大学的公平性、有效性、可行性，那么文章才会更有说服力。
建议写完之后能比较范文考虑下自己的文章中心论点是什么，论证能否有效支持它，分析是否到位。这个是个需要理解和思考的过程，也是AW最为重要的思想。可以看下time, newsweek之类的评论文章，或者凤凰卫视那些时事评论结论，对于开阔自己分析社会问题的思路是很有好处的。

荧惑UID：2280559

Thx in advance...
Good Good study.;d:

荧惑UID：2280559

...汗
可能语言比较晦涩...
写这篇文章时，有想刻意避开一些常见的观点。
我其实是想从可行性上切入的...
Body1---理想中的GU是美好的...
Body2---但是现实中就不一定了...（现实中可能碰到的问题）
        这里从3个角度
        1. 各个国家是不是都能分享相同的观点...
        2. 至于经费的话,也是一个问题...
        3. 即时GU的方法找到了，但事实上，如何实施这个方法也是问题...
Thx...

荧惑UID：2280559

汗...
又看了一遍...
Reasoning不够，导致EX与主题脱节???

最後の使徒UID：2257608

1. 各个国家是不是都能分享相同的观点...
        2. 至于经费的话,也是一个问题...
        3. 即时GU的方法找到了，但事实上，如何实施这个方法也是问题...

3跟1和2的逻辑关系呢？让步？递进？我觉得你可能想说
1. 观念上无法统一
2. 资金上不能公平
3. 即使就观念达成了一致, 资金问题也能解决, 大学建立起来了, 能不能有用也有问题.
但现在从文章论证过程中看不出这种让步关系, 何况大学只是研究问题提出解决方案, 至于实施是联合国和各国政府的事情, 别人也可以质疑就算解决不了中东和平, 还是可以解决全球变暖臭氧空洞的, 这时进行深入, 说明由于各国的观念, 资金问题, 大学不会公平, 而由于这些问题都需要国际合作, 不公平就很难合作, 就可以堵上这个洞了.

连接ex和主题的确是需要reasoning，但写作不是以提出主体或者举例子为目的的，reasoning才是最重要的部分，reasoning足够的话文章才有说服力可言，也才符合"分析"写作的目的.

荧惑UID：2280559

NOD....
抓狂...
改文章咯...;d:

荧惑UID：2280559

改了...嘻嘻
---------
Is it helpful for all nations to support the development of a global university? I basically agree that the global university may provide a method to solve the world’s most persistent social problems. Such idea looks fantastic, however, this plan may suffer many obstacles to achieve, which may result in it unrealistic.

Admittedly, the global university may befit to find out a solution of the social problems. If all nations support such plan, the global university may surely gather the world-wide famous scholars. These intelligent minds can discuss with each others, learn from different views among all nations. Such communication seems to provide more possibility to find out a advicable method to solve the social problems. The situation about the global university may be similar with the space station nowadays.  The space station, which considered as one of the greatest scientific works in human history, is contribution to various countries as America, Japan, France and etc. Its numerous budgets are supported by these countries as well. The purpose of space station, similar with the global univeristy, is to promote the exploration in space. Such international cooperation represents the top scientific standard in our world. If all nations fully supported the global university, this plan will undoubtly succeed as space station and promote to solve the most persistent social problem in world-wide.

Unfortunately, the global university is much complex and tremendous than the space station, thus several obstacles which may happen in achieving such plan should be discussed. As far as I can conjure, there are three main problems may prevent the dream from being came true.

First, different from space station, the global university is to solve the social problems in world. Common sense tells us different countries share different view in social affairs; it is hard for all nations to share one common view. For example, the confliction in mid-east is mainly due to the different religion believes, both of which are deemed as the most important part in their national value. Consequently the first mid-east war is caused by such religionary confliction as well. Can we expect this difference can be elminated in the global university? However, the experts from different who reperested their home country may hold the opposite view with the others. If the basic idea is tremendously different, the communication just looks like a chat between several people in different languages, which is totally meaningless. After all, it is hard to get accord in the baisc view of life, religion among all of the nations, which leads to the failure of global university.

Second, the budget of global university is another big problem for the global university. The function of global university may be similar with United Nation in some extend, both of which is to slove the social problem in world-wide in some extent, so it may suffer the same problem with the UN. In UN, different countries play different roles; some of them are crucial, and some of them seem to non-existing. The difference in the roles determines that some nations should pay money for UN, while most of them are reluctant. Such problems may happen in global university; the scholars from America may domain the university and greatly influenced the decision. As global univeristy is to face the world’s social problem, the solution may link to the the vaule of all nations. Is it fair that all the solution prefers the vaule of America and neglects the others, only if America donates the most of the budget? If so would other country still like to send their elite to join in such plan? Do they dislike to sharing the budgets? Such problems now have existed in UN, and to presume rationaly that it will happen in global university.

Third, the solution judged by the global university may not be accepted by all nations. As we described above if the solution neglects the value of some of the partipicates. For instance, a solution to solve the confliction in mid-east supports that Israel domain the whole Mount Moriah, which seems to the best result for Israel. Would Palestine accept the solution? As far as I can conjure, it is hard to be accepted by the whole Arabia world. There are a large number of such problems as the Iran wants to obtain the nuclear technology and America wants to promote democracy in North Korea. Since the solution would not be accepted by all nations willing, the only way to achieve it is to force it effect. Is it helpful that to solve the social problems in forcely method? As Iran rejected the UN advice now, some nations will definitely refuse such solution. For that matter, it is doubtful for the efficiency of the global university.

In sum, I basically agree that a global university is a reasonable advice to solve the society problem in world, but it will tough to achieve such plan unfortunately.