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[a习作temp] argument231 [4月作文小组]3.30作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-3-30 22:40:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC: ARGUMENT231 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a local newspaper.

"The members of the town school board should not be reelected because they are not concerned about promoting high-quality education in the arts in our local schools. For example, student participation in the high school drama club has been declining steadily, and this year the school board refused to renew the contract of the drama director, even though he had received many awards for his original plays. Meanwhile, over $300,000 of the high school budget goes to athletic programs, and the head football coach is now the highest-paid member of the teaching staff."
DATE: 2007-3-30

In this argument, the author concludes that the member of the town school board should not be reelected. However, close canvass of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author's claim.

To begin with, the mere fact that fewer students participated in the high school drama does not indicate that the members of the board fail to promote the education in the arts in the local schools. It is entirely possible that the members have try their best to inspire students to go to the drama club, but the situation still does not change due to other factors. Perhaps another kind of art such as rock and roll music is so popular this year that it draws the interest of most of the students. If this is the case, the effort of the board will change nothing and they should not be blamed for the decrease of the student participation of the drama club.

Secondly, the author provides no evidence that the school board make a wrong decision not to renew the contract of the drama director. First, the reason for the school board to do so is still unknown, which may leave the board free from accusing. It is entirely possible that the drama director request too much to renew the contract. For example, he/she may want the salary twice as much as this year, which is far from the school board's budget. In this case, the board has to refuse to renew the contract. In addition, given that the director did not require more from the school, the school board may still be blameless. The awards of the drama director for the original plays cannot indicate the capacity of him/her now. Perhaps the director will be 60 years old next year, which is too old to be hired as the director of the club. In short, without ruling out the forgoing possibilities, the author cannot draw out a conclusion on the inefficiency work of the school board.

Thirdly, although a large amount of money goes to athletic programs, the author's conclusion is open to doubt. First, no data is provided about the budget goes into the arts. Perhaps the fact is that arts have received more support on money than athletic programs. Thus, this evidence will be meaningless. Besides, granted that the high school does spend more money in athletic than arts, the conclusion is still unwarranted. As we know that money is not the only thing that can show the concerning of one thing. A possibility is that though less money goes to the arts, the members of the school board do much more other things to promote the high-quality education in the arts. For instance, the members may spend more time on promoting the present education system of art, which needs little money, but much time and effort. Thereby, the author cannot simply come to the conclusion lacking these important evidences.

In summary, the reasoning of the author lack sufficient evidence and comprehensive comprehension as discussed above.
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发表于 2007-3-31 19:12:15 |只看该作者
In this argument, the author concludes that the members of the town school board should not be reelected. However, close canvass of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author's claim.

To begin with, the mere fact that fewer students participated in the high school drama does not indicate that the members of the board fail to promote the education in the arts in the local schools. It is entirely possible that the members have try(tried) their best to inspire students to go to the drama club, but the situation still does not change due to other factors. Perhaps another kind of art such as rock and roll music is so popular this year that it draws the interest of most of the students. If this is the case, the effort of the board will change nothing and they should not be blamed for the decrease of the student participation of the drama club.

Secondly, the author provides no evidence that the school board make a wrong decision not to renew the contract of the drama director. First, the reason for the school board to do so is still unknown, which may leave the board free from accusing. It is entirely possible that the drama director request too much to renew the contract. For example, he/she may want the salary twice as much as this(last) year, which is far from(far more than) the school board's budget. In this case, the board has to refuse to renew the contract. In addition, given(giving) that the director did not require more from the school, the school board may still be blameless. The awards of the drama director for the original plays cannot indicate the capacity of him/her now(the recent capacity of him/her). Perhaps the director will be 60 years old next year, which is too old to be hired as the director of the club. In short, without ruling out the forgoing(aforementioned) possibilities, the author cannot draw out a conclusion on the inefficiency work of the school board.

Thirdly, although a large amount of money goes to athletic programs, the author's conclusion is open to doubt. First, no data is provided about the budget that goes into the arts. Perhaps the fact is that arts have received more support on money than athletic programs. Thus, this evidence will be meaningless. Besides, granted that the high school does spend more money in athletic than arts, the conclusion is still unwarranted. As we know that money is not the only thing that can show the concerning of one thing. A possibility is that though less money goes to the arts, the members of the school board do much more other things to promote the high-quality education in the arts. For instance, the members may spend more time on promoting the present education system of art, which needs little money, but much time and effort. Thereby, the author cannot simply come to the conclusion lacking these important evidences.

In summary, the reasoning of the author lack sufficient evidence and comprehensive comprehension as discussed above.

感觉结尾有点仓促。中间段落展开得挺好,得向你学习。
找了几处感觉不太合适的地方,不一定准确,如果不好请包含。
加油吧!

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RE: argument231 [4月作文小组]3.30作业 [修改]
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