argument38

PrudenceUID: 2286952

38. The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

According to a series of evidence, the author asserts that the daily use of Ichthaid instead of fish would promise to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. However, scrutiny examination reveals this recommendation is problematic in several respects, which renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate an unreasonable assumption that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. First, I wonder what reasons result in the high fish consumption, and whether all the fish are consumed by families to cook as food. If the author does not supply information to answer these questions, it is entirely possible that the large part of the high fish consumption attributes to a fish factory locating in East Meria, which produces fish cans. In this respect, the relationship between eating fish and colds does not exist at all. Second, the mere fact that the residents of East Meria visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of cold may not be the contribution of eating fish. In my observation, people usually take cold as a trivial one, and take medicines bought from the nearby drugstore or eat no medicine at all. Only when the cold is terrible and unbearable, do people turn to doctor for help. In that case, the author still cannot prove the relationship and makes this recommendation is unpersuasive.

Even if the relationship between eating fish and colds can be proved, however, it is presumptuous for the author to recommend that the everyday use of Ichthaid has the same effect as eating fish. It is completely possible that it is a substance existing in the fish meat that is of help to prevent colds. In this sense, eating Ichthaid cannot have the same effect as eating fish towards colds.

Even though Ichthaid instead of fish can work well to prevent colds, it is reasonably dubious for the author to assert that the daily use of Ichthaid would lead to the decrease of absenteeism. More often people employ colds as an excuse to get away from work to date a heterosexual friend or do other things. And if most absentee are those who pretend to be sick, we have good reasons to believe that they would still do as before even if they eat a great amount every day from then on. Thus, eating fish would be of little help to the absenteeism.

Finally, the author fails to find out the real reasons of absenteeism. Perhaps the education provided by schools is boring, which results in the high absenteeism; at the same time, the reason why the high absenteeism happens may be due to the common low working morale of workers, which may has something to do with convention or the like. Without finding out the essential reason of absenteeism, the author’s recommendation is ridiculous, and deserves little attention.

To sum up, the author should first make out the real reason of absenteeism, and then take relevant measure to reduce it.

ILOVEISSUEUID: 2300195

According to a series of evidence, the author asserts that the daily use of Ichthaid instead of fish would promise to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. However, scrutiny examination（有这种说法吗？） reveals this recommendation is problematic in several respects, which renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate an unreasonable assumption that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. First, I wonder what reasons result in the high fish consumption,（不懂什么意思，后面也没有扩展） and whether all the fish are consumed by families to cook as food. If the author does not supply information to answer these questions, it is entirely possible that the large part of the high fish consumption attributes to a fish factory locating in East Meria, which produces fish cans.（最好在加一句，并且这些can是用来出口的） In this respect, the relationship between eating fish and colds does not exist at all. Second, 加一句：即使人们吃鱼the mere fact that the residents of East Meria visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of cold may not be the contribution of eating fish. In my observation,（最好不要用这么主观的词组，common sense tells me that） people usually take cold as a trivial one, and take medicines bought from the nearby drugstore or eat no medicine at all. Only when the cold is terrible and unbearable, do people turn to doctor for help. (这句话有点多余)In that case, the author still cannot prove the relationship and makes this recommendation is unpersuasive.

Even if the relationship between eating fish and colds can be proved, however, it is presumptuous for the author to recommend that the everyday use of Ichthaid has the same effect as eating fish. 最好指出一下啊Ich只是鱼油里面的一种提取物It is completely possible that it is a substance existing in the fish meat that is of help to prevent colds. In this sense, eating Ichthaid cannot have the same effect as eating fish towards colds.

Even though Ichthaid instead of fish can work well to prevent colds, it is reasonably dubious for the author to assert that the daily use of Ichthaid would lead to the decrease of absenteeism. 两句话连接不紧密，加as we all know可能好些More often people employ colds as an excuse to get away from work to date a heterosexual friend（不要这么直接得把约会这个细节写出来，可以先泻….an excuse to get away from work to do other things such as …,…, and the like.） or do other things. And if most absentee are those who pretend to be sick, we have good reasons to believe that they would still do as before even if they eat a great amount every day from then on. Thus, eating fish would be of little help to the absenteeism.

Finally, the author fails to find out the real reasons of absenteeism. Perhaps the education provided by schools is boring, which results in the high absenteeism; at the same time, the reason why the high absenteeism happens may be due to the common low working morale of workers, which may has something to do with convention or the like. Without finding out the essential reason of absenteeism, the author’s recommendation is ridiculous, and deserves little attention.(攻击前提，这一段失败)

To sum up, the author should first make out the real reason of absenteeism, and then take relevant measure to reduce it.

总体来说写得不错，如果不是第四个body有点怪异，这篇文章应该能得4+了
加油

PrudenceUID: 2286952

According to a series of evidence, the author asserts that the daily use of Ichthaid instead of fish would promise to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. However, scrutiny examination（有这种说法吗？） reveals this recommendation is problematic in several respects, which renders it unconvincing.
北美上面是这样写的：Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it leads little credible support to the applicant’s claim.   是不是我改用错了？？？
To begin with, the author fails to substantiate an unreasonable assumption that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. First,I wonder what reasons result in the high fish consumptionas a study indicates in East Meria, and whether all the fish are consumed by families to cook as food. If the author does not supply information to answer these questions, it is entirely possible that the large part of the high fish consumption attributes to a fish factory locating in East Meria, which produces fish cansexported to foreign countries. In this respect, the relationship between eating fish and colds does not exist at all. Second, even if the residents of East Meria do eat a large amount of fish, the mere fact that they visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of cold may not be the contribution of eating fish.Common sense tells me that people usually take cold as a trivial one, and take medicines bought from the nearby drugstore or eat no medicine at all. In that case, the author still cannot prove the relationship and makes this recommendation is unpersuasive.

Even if the relationship between eating fish and colds can be proved, however, it is presumptuous for the author to recommend that the everyday use of Ichthaid has the same effect as eating fish. After all, Ichthaid is derived from fish oil, which is only a small part of fish.It is completely possible that it is a substance existing in the fish meat that is of help to prevent colds. In this sense, eating Ichthaid cannot have the same effect as eating fish towards colds.

Even though Ichthaid instead of fish can work well to prevent colds, it is reasonably dubious for the author to assert that the daily use of Ichthaid would lead to the decrease of absenteeism. More often, as we all know, people employ colds as an excuse to get away from work to do other things, such as dating a heterosexual friend, and the like. And if most absentee are those who pretend to be sick, we have good reasons to believe that they would still do as before even if they eat a great amount of Ichthaid every day from then on. Thus, eating fish would be of little help to the absenteeism.

Finally, the author fails to find out the real reasons of absenteeism. Perhaps the education provided by schools is boring, which results in the high absenteeism; at the same time, the reason why the high absenteeism happens may be due to the common low working morale of workers, which may has something to do with convention or the like. Without finding out the essential reason of absenteeism, the author’s recommendation is ridiculous, and deserves little attention.(攻击前提，这一段失败) 这样写不算是他因法吗？

To sum up, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence to substantiate the argument, and renders it unconvincing.

[ 本帖最后由 Prudence 于 2007-4-1 10:30 编辑 ]

ILOVEISSUEUID: 2300195

1.北美范文要么是close scrutiny 要么是careful examination没有scrutiny examination的说法
2。absenteesim的主要原因是cold这点是作者的前提，最多攻击不一定是真的cold，就像你第三个body那样，而你第四个body有点多余，可以设法和第三个body组和起来
3。such as后面最好举两个以上的例子

freeatomUID: 2142222

昨天上不了gter

今天学校的线路检修上不了，不好意思

iq28UID: 2152875

iloveissue改过的我基本就不用改了

准备看总结吧

PrudenceUID: 2286952

谢谢
:loveliness:

PrudenceUID: 2286952

According to a series of evidence, the author asserts that the daily use of Ichthaid instead of fish would promise to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. However, further examination reveals this recommendation is problematic in several respects, which renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate an unreasonable assumption that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Maybe the climate here in EM is comfortable and therefore people who live here seldom catch colds. In addition, it is also possible that the residents here have one common habit-doing sports regularly. And this habit is conducive to less catching colds. Furthermore, even if the climate of EM is terrible and the residents do not do exercise, the mere fact that they visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of cold may not be the contribution of eating fish. Common sense tells me that people usually take cold as a trivial one, and take medicines bought from the nearby drugstore or eat no medicine at all. In that case, the author still cannot prove the relationship and makes this recommendation is unpersuasive.

Even if the relationship between eating fish and colds can be proved, however, it is presumptuous for the author to recommend that the everyday use of Ichthaid has the same effect as eating fish. After all, Ichthaid is derived from fish oil, which is only a small part of fish. Thus, it is completely possible that another substance existing in the fish meat that is of help to prevent colds. In this sense, eating Ichthaid cannot have the same effect as eating fish towards colds.

Even though Ichthaid instead of fish can work well to prevent colds, it is reasonably dubious for the author to assert that the daily use of Ichthaid would lead to the decrease of absenteeism. More often, as we all know, people employ colds as an excuse to get away from work to do other things, such as dating a heterosexual friend, and the like. And if most absentee are those who pretend to be sick, we have good reasons to believe that they would still do as before even if they eat a great amount of Ichthaid every day from then on. Thus, eating fish would be of little help to the absenteeism.

In conclusion, in order to substantiate that eating fish is helpful to prevent people from catching colds, it had better for the author to provide scientific evidence. Additionally, the author should find out the real reason of people’s absenteeism, then, employs seemly measures to reduce it.