argument206 byoceanus

oceanusUID：2283238

TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.

"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."
WORDS: 430          TIME: 0:55:05          DATE: 2007-4-2

In the argument, the author concludes that people in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. To support the author’s conclusion, the author provides several evidences. However, after a careful analysis of the argument, the evidence provides little credible support for the argument.

To begin with, the mere fact that over 80,000 of these young plays who are below the age of nine and participated in youth-league softball and soccer suffered injuries is insufficient evidence to support the author’s claim. Because the author does not point out the total number of children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, it is entirely possible that the total number is so enormous that the proportion of the number of injured children to the total number is infinitesimal. Besides, the author provides nothing about the particular of the injured children; maybe most of them only suffered a little injury. In short, lacking more specific information about the injury and the total number of the children, the author cannot convince me.

What’s more, the author provides no evidence that the youth-league softball and soccer have cumbered the development of the children. First, though youth-league softball players reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win, the pressure may inspire their potential and promote their development. They may learn how to try their best to accomplish their task at the pressure. Secondly, even it is true that the long practice sessions take away time that could be used for academic activities, it is possible that they may learn how to manage their own time and common sense tells us that taking part in sports can benefit one’s study. So, that the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages is unconvincing.

Furthermore, granted that to some extent the disadvantages outweigh any advantages, it is also unfair to conclude that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. First, the conclusion that the disadvantages outweigh any advantages is gained from the evidence that comes from the country and several major cities, so it may not adapt to Parkville. Parkville may be not a major city. Perhaps Parkville maintains more stringent safety standards; or perhaps children’s sporting events in Parkville are better supervised by adults. Secondly, the evidence in the argument is only about the softball and soccer, hence they can only discontinue organized softball and soccer competition, how can they discontinue organized athletic competition?

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. Unless the author provides other sufficient evidence and rules out other possible alternatives, the author cannot persuade me.

iq28UID：2152875

In the argument, the author concludes that people in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. To support the author’s conclusion, the author provides several evidences. However, after a careful analysis of the argument, the evidence provides little credible support for the argument.

To begin with, the mere fact that over 80,000 of these young plays who are below the age of nine and participated in youth-league softball and soccer suffered injuries is insufficient evidence to support the author’s claim. (打击面太广.点明要攻击作者的什么论断) Because the author does not point out the total number of children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, it is entirely possible that the total number is so enormous that the proportion of the number of injured children to the total number is infinitesimal. (有点罗唆) Besides, the author provides nothing about the particular of the injured children; maybe most of them only suffered a little injury. (和上一层之间关系摆的不好.至少besides后面的衔接做得很糟糕) In short, lacking more specific information about the injury and the total number of the children, the author cannot convince me.

What’s more, the author provides no evidence that the youth-league softball and soccer have cumbered the development of the children. (说清楚了是academic方面.忠于原文.development太宽泛) (原来你把pressure跟academic放在一起攻击了.不推荐这种顺序.很乱) First, though youth-league softball players reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win, the pressure may inspire their potential and promote their development. They may learn how to try their best to accomplish their task at the pressure. (最好先总领一句这种pressure不一定有害) Secondly, even (乱了.你上一层根本不在说academic的问题,这里对谁让步?) it is true that the long practice sessions take away time that could be used for academic activities, it is possible that they may learn how to manage their own time and common sense tells us that taking part in sports can benefit one’s study. (攻击不成熟,比较幼稚.而且前面it is true后面直接来it is possible中间没有任何语气或者结构词表示转折.读起来非常突兀.) So, that the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages is unconvincing.

Furthermore, granted that to some extent the disadvantages outweigh any advantages, it is also unfair to conclude that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. First, the conclusion that the disadvantages outweigh any advantages is gained from the evidence that comes from the country and several major cities, (在ts中就应该明确点出这些dis outweigh adv 是这些地方的情况.否则ts看了会让人觉得莫明其妙) so it may not adapt to Parkville. Parkville may be not a major city. (句法就有问题.然后major的问题是在于压力这一点的,放在这里批驳明显不对.下面对于major的反例也应该是关于压力的.完全的逻辑紊乱) Perhaps Parkville maintains more stringent safety standards; or perhaps children’s sporting events in Parkville are better supervised by adults. Secondly, the evidence in the argument is only about the softball and soccer, hence they can only discontinue organized softball and soccer competition, how can they discontinue organized athletic competition? (最后一个点攻击还可以)

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. Unless the author provides other sufficient evidence and rules out other possible alternatives, the author cannot persuade me.

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oceanusUID：2283238

谢谢iq28修改，受益匪浅