argument117 -anan

zsa1983UID: 2299564

Argument117  第12篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：62分8秒     438 words
从2007年3月3日10时50分到2007年3月3日11时62分
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The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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I do not agree with the speaker. Because the evidence the speaker provides cannot supports his assertion that we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores (VM) the stock of home office machines.

To begin with, the survey does unnecessarily indicate that the work-at-home trend appears. Consider on the one hand that which community provides such a survey, whether the survey is based on enough samples or is with scientific methods or is by the experimental researchers. Without such considering, it is extremely possible that the respondents are only a few people--maybe only 20~30 persons, which cannot be on behalf of the whole residents at all. Or perhaps the persons responding are in the same place or with the same jobs, if so, still the survey cannot support the trend.

Besides, there is little causal relationship between the assertion and that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. First, the not seeing impressive sales in its office-supply departments does not mean office-supply departments also not appear impressive sales in other mart stores. Maybe there are some stores which specifically sell such machines and the companies prefer to them. Second, even the phenomenal appear in all mart stores, it also cannot provide evidence to bolster the assertion the speaker tenders. Perhaps the not seeing impressive sales in its office-supply departments are because the office machines are of no need for the companies. Lacking enough evidence, the speaker should have not shown his assertion.

Moreover, even the trend is true and the causal relationship exists according to the speaker, it also should be considered that whether the office-supply departments of VM can gain profits by taking advantage of this work-at-home trend. The speaker overlooks the other factors of market. Is there any other marts store? Or do the residents who take more work home need such office machines? Or are the needs of the residents enough to let the department gain profits--by making the incoming higher than the cost.

Further more, even the profits truly can be gained, will the office-supply departments become the most profitable component of our stores? Without comparing with other departments in the stores, the question should be a question. Perhaps the residents often spend much time on buying closes and the closes-supply department always has a high profit in the stores. For that matter, it is possible that the closes-supply department will still be the most profitable components of the stores.

In sum, I keep skeptics on the speaker' assertion, until he can provide convincing evidence to prove all the possibilities above.

eddie23508okUID: 2281260

I do not agree with the speaker. Because the evidence the speaker provides cannot supports his assertion that we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores (VM) the stock of home office machines. (第一段够简洁，作者论点提取得很好，但个人认为有点稍微简单，文采方面可再加把劲，如果想拿高分我觉得应该去研究研究范文，我现在停止了限时，开始研究范文，因为我第一段写得也不怎么样，哈哈)

To begin with, the survey does unnecessarily indicate that the work-at-home trend appears. Consider on the one hand that which community provides such a survey, whether the survey is based on enough samples or is with scientific methods or is by the experimental researchers. Without such considering (consideration) , it is extremely possible that the respondents are only a few people--maybe only 20~30 persons, which cannot be on behalf of the whole residents at all. Or perhaps the persons responding are in the same place or with the same jobs, if so, still the survey cannot support the trend. (感觉句子有点怪，可稍微调整一下词序)

Besides, there is little causal relationship between the assertion and that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. First, the not seeing impressive sales in its office-supply departments does not mean office-supply departments also not appear impressive sales in other mart stores. Maybe there are some stores which specifically sell such machines and the companies prefer to (buying) them. Second, even the phenomenal appear (貌似appear不能做名词) in all mart stores, it also cannot provide evidence to bolster the assertion the speaker tenders. Perhaps the not seeing impressive sales in its office-supply departments are because the office machines are of no need for the companies. Lacking enough evidence, the speaker should have not shown his assertion.

Moreover, even the trend is true and the causal relationship exists according to the speaker, it also should be considered that whether the office-supply departments of VM can gain profits by taking advantage of this work-at-home trend. The speaker overlooks the other factors of market. Is there any other marts store? Or do the residents who take more work home need such office machines? Or are the needs of the residents enough to let the department gain profits--by making the incoming higher than the cost.

Further more, even the profits truly can be gained, will the office-supply departments become the most profitable component of our stores? Without comparing with other departments in the stores, the question should (加个still更好) be a question. Perhaps the residents often spend much time on buying closes (???意思) and the closes-supply department always has a high profit in the stores. For that matter, it is possible that the closes-supply department will still be the most profitable components of the stores.

In sum, I keep skeptics on the speaker' assertion, until he can provide convincing evidence to prove all the possibilities above.

分析得很全面，分析顺序也很好，要向你学习！建议研究一下范文，对遣词造句有好处，可以使我们的作文中gre含量提升，而不是chinglish!