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被批得相当的惨阿-.- 看来还是描述方面有大问题,感觉自己其实问题是都找到的.
谢谢, 我按照楼上大侠的评语把自己文章又改了一遍, 应该会好点了. 希望大家能够再帮忙看看:(
还有4天考了, 55
While the arguer cites several facts, surveys, and other companies' information, it is hardly to conclude that the Hyper-Go Toy Company HGT should focus on the new line of educational toys and discontinue all their action toys to increase their sales and maintain the profits. Close scrutiny of evidence provided reveals that the arguer masks too many factors and might led the investment to failure due to some ill-grounded assumptions.
To begin with, mere the fact of sales of Fierce Fighter toy airplane is no indication that HGT should cease lines of action toys. The arguer neglects other factors why the sales of one of their products declined sharply. It is possible that the market of this kind of toys, Fierce Fighter toy, is full, while other sorts of action toys are still fabulously welcome in the market. Perhaps the current economy is not very well, so parents need to economize their expense, and consequently can not buy all kinds of toys. Without accounting for other reasons for the decrease, it is too haste to make such a conclusion that all action toys do not have any market, and then HGT should discontinue the production of them.
Moreover, the surveys cited have little indication that parents will buy educational toys rather than action toys. Common sense tells that parents are more willing to buy toys which can do more educational effect to their children, but the dominant intention is to satisfy their needs. In addition, no data and survey reflects those action toys work a detrimental effect to the youth like violent television program or movie. Possibly from an opposite perspective, the action toys can sometimes serve to give child a positive understanding to work harder with enthusiasm.
Even if the fore-going assumptions are grounded, the HGT does not need to exclusively focus on the educational toys. Firstly, other company's success might not be easily reproduced without study investigation, and comparison among them based on the mere data on their increase of sales in the memo. Perhaps they have some peculiar patents of their educational toys which HGT can not mimic. Further, the arguer neglects the challenges from their toy competitors. According to the other company's report, the HGT might only get a little part of the new market of educational toys. If thus, such an adjustment would be a disaster for HGT: lose its own current market of action toys, and also lose the new one.
Finally, the deduction that the growing of average family income will result in the increase of the sales of new HGT toys is also ill-grounded. Perhaps the basic daily-life expense is increased much more largely, and thus the family has no available money to buy new toys.
In sum, these evidences above lend little credible support to the conclusion. To bolster the claim, the arguer must make a deeper investigation of the market and the reason why their old action toy can not sell well. To better assess the survey, the arguer should provide more attitudes and options from the parents towards the action toys and educational toys. |
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