N001_第七次作业

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

3号MM
MS你的小作文写错了
我也刚看到~

原帖由 woodman 于 2007-4-30 17:09 发表
154We meet smokers everywhere, on street, in garden, on bus, even in school. And these smokers include not only the old，the youth，but also middle school students, and even pregnant women. It wa ...

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

2号改4号

We used to meet smokers everywhere: in the （去掉）streets, in shops, and even in restaurants.  Nowadays, some countries restrict people smoke in many public areas and office buildings.  Absolutely, it is a good rule.有点唐突，增加一些内容会好一些。

In the first place, it is not a secret that smoking brings about negative impacts on our health. According to a recent survey, four million people die each year from disease linked to smoking. It is a common sense for us that smoking is responsible for many fatal diseases such as lung cancer, heart disease and the list will go on.  A research points that c cigarette smoking is associated with a dramatically increase inthe risk of dying from （of 比较好）chronic obstructive lung disease. About 90% of all deaths from chronic obstructive lung disease are attributable to cigarette smoking.

Meanwhile, smoking in public areas and office buildings will inevitable pollute the air. It is not only the smoker himself suffers from illness caused by smoking, but people around him likely to injure （be injured）by secondhand smoke as well(前面有了not only, but 此处略显多余). Secondhand smoke, also known as environmental tobacco smoke, contains at least 200 chemicals known to be toxic. Nonsmokers, especially children, the elders, and pregnant women, who are exposed to secondhand smoke at home or work increase their heart disease risk. In short, Smoking is unfair to those people who do not smoke. 后面的部分非常连贯，语言地道。

In addition, smoking in public can give rise to serious social issues. For instance, in dry weather,a throwing cigarette end casually may start a fire. It not（only不可省略） just causes heavy financial loss it also poses a grave threat to our lives. Anther adverse effect is that many young children may be curious to （about）adult smokers who smoking in public. Although we all know that tobacco use in adolescence is more harmful to their development, they may set adult smokers as an example.

From what I have discussed above, I believe that it is beneficial for everyone if the government limit people smoke in the majority places in public.

总体语言流畅，一些地道说法值得学习。Secondhand smoke， cigarette smoking，cigarette end等等。

[ 本帖最后由 gnuliutingting 于 2007-5-7 12:17 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

前面(1个)改后面(2个),方案已经在队员重新调整后调整,不认真改作业的也将视为违规!
1-10,11
2-5,9
3-10,9
4-11,5
5-13,17
9-17,20
10-3,4
11-4,2
13-2,1
17-1,20
20-3,13
请大家在今天晚上10点前改好作业!

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

Nowadays, more countries regulate people smoking in public area, so many public places and office buildings are not permitted to smoke. It is definitely a good rule from my point of view. Actually, smoking is totally a bad habit though some people take it as one way of relaxing.

    First of all, smoking will do harm to our health. This is not some secret, while common sense to all of us. Based on the statistics, one cigarette will shorten your life by 5 minutes. Smoking will induce cancer if you keep the habit for some period of time, the period of time is varied on different people. Lung cancer is common among those heavy smokers, followed by tongue cancer and throat cancer. When the addicts enjoy the 'relaxed' smoking time, they should realize that their health are encroached by the nicotine and other toxic chemicals gradually. Not only smokers themselves, other(but also更合适一点) people who don't smoke around them will be impacted by the terrible smoke. Especially the elders, children, and pregnant women will be secondary victims if smoking in public areas is not banned.

    Secondly, smoking in public areas will bring some other bad issues. Unrestricted smoking will cause fire or other cataclysms. For instance, if the workers can smoke at anywhere in the factory, the butts they throw off casually probably induce fire accidents. The same cataclysms can also happen in elevators, or cinemas, the places usually crowded with people. Besides that, adults who smoke in public areas are bad models to our adolescents. Some young people even take that for fashion manner then follow it. If the adult smokers can control their smoking for the sake of health, those young, who are not
conscious what they are doing is to deteriorate their health, may have even more worse impact. It is not hard to imagine when the young reach to their 30-40 years old, they are struggling with cancers. It is not only the loss to themselve, their families, but also to our country, 30-40 is just the age people work at their peak of their carrer life.        


    If people are permitted to smoke only in some specific public areas, this regulation maybe reduce the frequency of their smoking, and in some degree postpone the time point for they get cancer. Another direct advantage of the regulation is, other people around smokers will not suffer the smoke in most cases. So I suggest smokers have their restricted areas even in private spaces, such as home, for their family members have the rights to protect their health. In short, requiring people not to smoke is impossible, what we can do is to reduce the impact of smoking to the minimum. Restricting people to smoke in many public areas seems(最后总结了,还用seems,看起来好象不是很坚定.) to be the best way, now.


写的太好了，又看到了17号队员的实力。加精！

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

改11号

In my opinion, this is obviously a good rule to not allowed(allowing) smoking in public place although smoking people may not think so. If you smoking in public, other people may not tend to tell you they hate that, but this isn’t mean they like the environment surrounding with smoke.

First of all, smoking is bad for your healthy, you shouldn’t smoke whatever. We hear people telling the smoking people all the time that your lung will be used to do the medical research, but few people care about it. You may have no idea how serious it is, but I’ve saw the sample before when I take the biology class. All the lung had became black and bad, I even couldn’t recognize it’s a lung of Hume(human) being! It’s more like a cooked liver of pig. The vision scars(scares) me so much that I can recall it vividly even today. So please believe me(句型有问题,去掉me) smoking is killing you, and it’s a chronic suicide.

Moreover, smoking in the public place is more likely you are chronically killing the people surround you without their notice or permission. For instance, if you smoke in an office, your colleges have no choice but accept the fact of breathing the harmful air. It’s unfair to others because they have the right to enjoy their working environment instead of getting sicker and sicker(没表达清楚,instead of前后应该是一致的). And you can’t earn respect from people who can’t tolerant your behavior and conflict may commence(?happen). So as a high quality person in nowadays society, you should care about what other people judge you and forbid yourself smoking in public place even there’s no rules.

It seems clear that having rules of no smoking in public place is a good idea. It will keep yours and others healthy and reduce conflict. I believe ( believe宾语是什么?) will bring us a batter(better) environment and benefit all of us.

语法错误还是比较多的,很多句型值得探讨.多看看精华作业,应该对你有帮助!

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-5-7 13:56 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

The answer of this statement depends on your own experience and life style. In my point view(重复了), smoking in public places is very important(?和你后面的论证怎么相反了). So it is sagacious to support the good rule.         Among countless factors which influence the choice, these are three are conspicous aspects as follows(句型错误,2个动词).
The main reason for my propensity for(for后面最好不要接句子) it is not good for our healty. There are a vast number of illnesses caused by cigarette smoke. Cigarettes can cause lung cancer and therefor(therefore) smokers inlulge in cigarettes. Each year many lives will be taken away by smoking. How many families will lose their members? Well, not only cancer but also heart disease will be brought by smoking. Moreover,  some disease is visible such as yellow teeth and hands. These give people bad appearance. Although people who smoke directly will harm themselves, the scientist said people who smoke indirectly would be wores(worse), especially the children and pregant women. It is called the second cigarette(second hand cigarette).  
Another reason can be seen by every pesron is that smoking in public places wil destroy company`s impression(image?). For example, if the company allow staff to smoke freely, you can see the smoke everywhere. It must give us a impression that the air is not fresh. If people can not breath the fresh air, they can not work effectively and complet the assigment very well. It also ruin the envinoment. So the benefit of the company will increase. It is not good to the company if another  company who want to cooperate with the smoky company once they come into the office. They may turn about the office(?turn about office?什么意思). It can be thought the work attitude is not serious and earnest.
Futhermore, forbiding smoking will help smokers not smole(smoke) so often. If it is not allowes to smoke in public places, smokers must find some places that there are no one(?想表达什么?). So they can smoke in person. It must make smokers feel trouble and not comfortable. So they have to decrease the times of smoking. It is not only good to smokers but also to other people who do not smoke. So it is very important.
In short, I think this is a good rule that no longer allow to smoke in publio(public) places, for the(去掉the) people`s health, and the benefit of company. It is signality(?) to the society. I beilieve we can do it!

还有很多地方值得改进,语法,词汇量也不够大,总的来说比刚开始有进步!

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-5-7 09:44 编辑 ]

woodmanUID: 161906

表扬13号，最近2次作业很认真。
表扬1号，坚持完成口语作业，你曾说过放弃口语，为了给大家带头，最终坚持了。谢谢你的坚持给小组带来的示范作用，表扬一个，感动ing~
批评一下11号，3次未交口语了。希望以后严格要求自己。
批评一下6号，一直觉得你表现不俗，坚持的不够好哦，要加油。
各位队员要继续努力，向1号和13号学习，如果下次你们表现好，我也会在统计贴里予以表扬的哦！坚持就是胜利！最后的1个多月，全力以赴！

第七次：8个人交了作业（1，2，3，4，11，13，17，20号），5，9，10号请假（最后一次请假机会）
1号，3号，13号交全了作业，2号、17号缺小作文和LM口语；20号缺小作文，LM口语，delta口语缺第4题；4号缺LM口语；11号缺小作文和口语。

第六次：10个人交了作业（1，2，3，4，6，10，11，13，17，20）9号迟到且至今欠口语
2，3，10，13，17，20号交全了作业。
1，4，6，9，11号缺口语。

第五次完成作业情况比较好的是3，4，5，6，9，10，20号。1，2，8号欠口语作业。11号欠作文。13，14，17，18，19号任何作业都没交。
第四次作业完成情况：8号，10号，11号，14号缺口语。19号口语作文都没交。其余人均按时完成了作业。
第三次作业完成情况： 2号，4号，18号没交（请假），20号缺作文。
第二次作业完成情况：1，8，10，20号欠口语，17号欠作文口语。

[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 10:02 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

改17号
1.令你惊讶的事:说的相当出色,观点表达很清晰,语法,句型都很多变!希望大家能听一下.
2.1次长考试还是多次小考试的问题:说的很清楚,分3点表述.但可能第三次有点勉强.总体很好.
3.Social role:可能你结合你的实际的那几句话是没有必要的,这一题只要求你能够把听力的东西表达完整!
4.说的非常好!完整表达了对话的内容,而且还运用了好多过渡词汇.不过中间那句the second way感觉有点怪,还有几个动词时态错误.还有一句have same academic major可能不是很恰当,是否可以换成in the same major?

建议:17号口语很出色,请仔细把OG看一遍,应该会收获很多考试的答题要点,帮助你冲击高分!我们都要向你学习,特别是我!:handshake

zyechozyUID: 2253463

This is good or bad rule to not allowed smoking in public places//开头太简单
In my opinion, this is obviously a good rule to not allowed smoking in public place although smoking people（smokers） may not think so. If you smoking(smoke) in public, other people may not tend to tell you they hate that, but this isn’t(doesn’t ) mean they like the environment surrounding(去掉) with smoke.

First of all, smoking is bad for your healthy（health）, you shouldn’t smoke whatever(没完，比如改成whatever you do). We hear people telling the smoking people（smokers）(这个句子不是很好，比如改成Smokers are told…) all the time that your(根据前面改的这里就要换成their) lung will be used to do the medical research, but few people care about it. //前面那句话是要说什么？抽烟者的肺要被拿去做药理研究，但是没人在意这些？有点怕怕…You may have no idea how serious it is, but I’ve saw the sample before when I take the biology class. All the lung had became black and bad, I even couldn’t recognize it’s a lung of human being! It’s more like a cooked liver of a pig. The vision scars(scarsed) me so much that I can recall it vividly even today. So please believe me smoking is killing you, and it’s a chronic suicide.

Moreover, smoking in the public place is more likely you are chronically killing the people surround you without their notice or permission. For instance, if you smoke in an office, your colleges (colleagues)have no choice but accept the fact of breathing the harmful air. It’s unfair to others because they have the right to enjoy their working environment instead of getting sicker and sicker. And you can’t earn respect from people who can’t tolerant your behavior and conflict may commence. So as a high quality person in nowadays society, you should care about what other people judge you and forbid yourself smoking in public place even there’s no rules.//这句不错

It seems clear that having rules of no smoking in public place is a good idea. It will keep yours and others healthy and reduce conflict. I believe will bring us a batter environment and benefit all of us.

建议：

1、              不要全文用you，your…或许应该用people, the public, smokers etc.

2、              开头太单薄，呵呵，自己都有感觉吧？常用开头还是要写点撒~

3、              First of all 那段问题有点多，其他的还没什么

4、       多背点好的句子

5、              口语口语……

[ 本帖最后由 zyechozy 于 2007-5-7 11:25 编辑 ]

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

2号改17号 Nowadays, more(and more 或者many) countries regulate people smoking in public area, so many public places and office buildings are not permitted to smoke. It is definitely a good rule from my point of view. Actually, smoking is totally bad habit though some people take it as one way of relaxing.     First of all, smoking will do harm to our health. This is not some secret, while common sense to all of us. Based on the statistics, one cigarette will shorten your life by 5 minutes. Smoking will induce cancer if you keep the habit for some period of time, the period of time is varied on different people. Lung cancer is common among those heavy smokers, followed by tongue cancer and throat cancer. When the addicts enjoy the 'relaxed' smoking time, they should realize that their health are encroached by the nicotine and other toxic chemicals gradually. Not only smokers themselves, other people who don't smoke around them will be impacted by the terrible smoke. Especially the elders, children, and pregnant women will be secondary victims if smoking in public areas is not banned.     Secondly, smoking in public areas will bring some other bad issues. Unrestricted smoking will cause fire or other cataclysms. For instance, if the workers can smoke at anywhere in the factory, the butts they throw off casually probably induce fire accidents. The same cataclysms can also happen in elevators, or cinemas, the places usually crowded with people. Besides that, adults who smoke in public areas are bad models to our adolescents. Some young people even take that for fashion manner then follow it. If the adult smokers can control their smoking for the sake of health, those young, who are not conscious what they are doing is to deteriorate their health, may have even more worse impact(这句话很长，但是我认为前面应该是否定的。如果成年人能够控制他们的吸烟行为，年轻人可能受到更大的影响). It is not hard to imagine when the young reach to their 30-40 years old, they are struggling with cancers. It is not only the loss to themselve, their families, but also to our country, 30-40 is just the age people work at their peak of their carrer life.             If people are permitted to smoke only in some specific public areas, this regulation maybe reduce the frequency of their smoking, and in some degree postpone the time point for they get cancer. Another direct advantage of the regulation is, other people around smokers will not suffer the smoke in most cases. So I suggest smokers have their restricted areas even in private spaces, such as home, for their family members have the rights to protect their health. In short, requiring people not to smoke is impossible, what we can do is to reduce the impact of smoking to the minimum. Restricting people to smoke in many public areas seems to be the best way, now.

语言流畅，逻辑清晰。好文~

wallace_jimUID: 2249569

13号改2号口语
3.4A 3
这道题你用了太多时间去说上海虹口机场碰见朋友几率小，更应该重点说的是你与你朋友碰面的场景和细节
306.2.1
此题在说明两点理由时有重复且两点理由的区分不太明显
320.2
首先是有两个词的发音，有一次的role发成了real,employer发成了employee
在解释role conflict时可能是没听清听力所以感觉上是自己的总结，但还是说清楚了。后面的例子都说得不错
314.2做错题了，应该是326页的on-campus housing

wallace_jimUID: 2249569

13号改1号口语
首先想说的是你在录口语时，应该发音大声点，有些词都听不清。听上去像很害羞的样子，要表现出你的自信
Delta
第一题
题材和细节上的支持都不错，就是声音要放大
第二题
原因太少只说出了一个，口语真的还要好好的加油
第三题
mature adult的细节没听到，其它的还可以
第四题
在前面陈述woman的观点时浪费了时间而使得回答不完整
Longman
第一题
这道题我觉得只说你要做的一项措施就可以了。而你在开始说你有many things to do，结果又只说到了两个。措施的具体
实施细节没有提到
第二题
这题你好象是完全听错了，woman对作业是持肯定态度，man对此表示不同意。
第三题
这道题回答挺不错的。就是不够流利

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

改4-zyechozy

We used to meet smokers everywhere: in the streets, in shops, and even in restaurants.  Nowadays, some countries restrict people smoke in many public areas and office buildings.  Absolutely, it is a good rule.

In the first place, it is not a secret that smoking brings about negative impacts on(to) our health. According to a recent survey, four million people die each year from disease linked to smoking. It is a common sense for us that smoking is responsible for many fatal diseases such as lung cancer, heart disease and the list will go on.  A research points  out that c cigarette smoking is associated with a dramatically increase inthe risk of dying from chronic obstructive lung disease. About 90% of all deaths from chronic obstructive lung disease are attributable to cigarette smoking.

Meanwhile, smoking in public areas and office buildings will inevitable pollute the air. It is not only the smoker himself suffers from illness caused by smoking, but people around him likely to injure by secondhand smoke as well. Secondhand smoke, also known as environmental tobacco smoke, contains at least 200 chemicals known to be toxic. Nonsmokers, especially children, the elders, and pregnant women, who are exposed to secondhand smoke at home or work increase their heart disease risk. In short, Smoking is unfair to those people who do not smoke.

In addition, smoking in public can give rise to serious social issues. For instance, in dry weather,a throwing cigarette end(香烟头这样说恰当吗?是不是cigarette mouth?) casually may start a fire. It not just causes heavy financial loss it(多余，改成but) also poses a grave(grave很传神) threat to our lives. Anther adverse effect is that many young children may be curious to adult smokers who smoking in public. Although we all know that tobacco use in adolescence is more harmful to their development, they may set adult smokers as an example.

From what I have discussed above, I believe that it is beneficial for everyone if the government limit people smoke in the majority places in public.

建议：总体来说很不错．观点陈述都很到位，并且有一些词用的很好。但感觉和１７号还有那么一点点的差距，我就是说不出来，你把你的文章和她的对比一下，或许能发现自己的不足．帮你加精！

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-5-7 14:07 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

改２号

Whether people should be allowed to smoke in many public places and office building is a hot and everlasting topic in many parts of the world. As for me, I strongly protest the behavior of smoking in public places and buildings meanwhile I respect the smoker's habit and rights.

First of all, as we all know, smoking is bad for smokers' health for the researchers have proved long ago that the nicotine it contains will greatly damage many parts of our organs including the lung and respiratory system and little by little it drag down their strong-built bodies until they come to the dying bed. There is even an equation to show us vividly the consequence of smoking, a cigarette a day may reduce 5 minutes of a human's life. However, once a youngster start to smoke at an early age for what ever reasons such as pressure, agony, ecstasy, immediately he or she will be addicted to it and to get rid of it may take all his or her life time if he or she is not firm enough to resist the temptation of cigarettes.

On the second, smoking is public places and office building will unavoidably pollute the air which already is a mixture of many kinds of unpleasant odors. Furthermore, it has an even worse impact on the other's people's health, which is reluctant to be thrown into such a swirl without their permission. People who don't smoke while others do are often referred to passive smokers, will inhale more waste and toxic ingredients that the smokers exhale than the smoker itself. In addition, damages can't be revoked once they come to being because of the malfunction or disorder of the body.

The smokers may refute that their rights are deprived of and how could they do when found discomfort both mentally and physically？ As a matter of fact, many parts of world have set an example for us that is to respect the smokers and non-smoking people at the same time, we can separate a special area for smokers while smoking in other places will be severely punished. In this way, both the smokers and non-smokers can come to a satisfactory answer.

Although smoking does us no good, considering that it's hard to quit smoking once for all, we may forbid people smoking in public places and office building gradually. Then setting up some special places for smokers is a better solution to meet people's needs, reducing smoking area and eliminate smoking in the long run.

建议：读了这篇文章，我就有种晕晕的感觉．虽然每段都有很清晰的观点，但直到最后，我也没搞清楚你的立场．建议托福写作不要像Ｇ那样，毕竟出发点不同．为了保险起见，我觉得你的立场可以坚定些～
　　可以请教其他队员，看看他们的意见！

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-5-7 14:21 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

改3-woodman第七次作文

We meet smokers everywhere, on street, in garden, on bus, even in school. And these smokers include not only the old，the youth，but also middle school students, and even pregnant women. It was reported recently that smokers make up one quarter of the world population. As smoking is never a good thing, to forbid smoking in public places should be a wise rule.

      No smoking in public places contributes to protecting public health. Scientific research shows that smoking is not only a threat to smokers themselves, but also a threat to public, especially to women and children who are passive smokers. The poisonous gas issued from smoking is one of the major causes of cancer, pneumonia and heart attack. According to a study by the European Commission, passive smoking increases the risk of lung cancer and, as a result, leads to the death from the disease of an estimated 2000 non-smokers each year in European Union. What’s more, passive smoking, which is also a risk factor for acute and chronic respiratory disease, middle ear infection, and decreased lung function in infants, children, and adolescents, kills a further 20000 people annually in these countries.(这个句子太好了，学习！)

      Moreover, forbidding people to smoke in public places can avoidfire. Most fatal fires are caused by smokers who improperly dispose of butts(好词，刚才我还用了cigarette mouth呢) and ashes, resulting in killing and injuring their colleagues, friends and strangers and also millions of dollars in property damage. As garages and workshops containhighly flammable materials such as thinners, gas, paints and industrial cleaners,smoking there might be really dangerous. The same case is in office building or school. Paper products and wooden furniture there are also combustible, thus smoking would easily lead to a serious fire disaster.

      In addition, smoking ban in public places help(helps) smokers to quit the habit of smoking. Many smokers say that though they know smoking is harmful to their health and they have tried again and again to quit, it is really hard to persist. Perhaps it is not so effective to give up smoking merely relying on their willpower. With the ban on smoking in public places, smokers have to face the pressure of public opinion which might force them to smoke less. Also, it is not so convenient to go to a private area to smoke, thus they would be less likely to smoke.

      In sum, in many public places and officebuildings, smoking should be prohibited. This will greatly improve public health, reduce the occurrences of  fire disasters cause by smoking, and also do good to those who want to stop smoking.

建议：好文章！思路很清晰．用词很好，句型也很多变！３号的列举实在强啊，要多多学习．加精！我看不出来有什么需要改进的地方，不好意思～

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-5-7 14:39 编辑 ]