N001_第七次作业

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

原帖由 wallace_jim 于 2007-5-7 13:37 发表
13号改2号口语
3.4A 3
这道题你用了太多时间去说上海虹口机场碰见朋友几率小，更应该重点说的是你与你朋友碰面的场景和细节
306.2.1
此题在说明两点理由时有重复且两点理由的区分不太明显
320.2
首先是有 ...

谢谢宝贵意见，后面把employer 和employee搞混了，忘记employer是老板了。我有一句This is real conflit.真正的冲突啊，用在这里不知道和不合适，还是改为role conflict.

总结归纳题还不太会回答，信息太多了，既有文字又有对话，内容太多。
应该条理化。

suprised这一题不好答，想不出来什么内容。

感谢你这么认真，仔细的修改。作文的问题我也发现了，总是想面面俱到，反而给人的感觉不好。我修改一下，马上发过来。

woodmanUID: 161906

In myopinion, this is obviously a good rule to not allowed smoking in public placealthough smoking people may not think so. If yousmoking in public, other people may not tend to tell you they hate that, butthis isn’t mean they like the environment surrounding with smoke.这句话放这里有点不知所云了，与主旨关联不大。

开头要有一个引论做铺垫，引入你要论证的话题。开门见山的，感觉难以拿高分。
First of all, smoking is bad for your healthy, you shouldn’t（尽量避免缩写）smoke whatever（at all places，whatever是无论什么的意思，是不是放这不妥呀？）. We hearpeople telling（complaining） the smokingpeople all the time that your lung will be used(need)to do the medical research(docimasia检查), but fewpeople care about it. You may have no idea how serious it is, but I’ve saw thesample before when I take（took）the biologyclass. All the(The whole) lung had became(been) black and bad, I even couldn’t recognizeit’s a lung of Hume being! It’s more like a cooked liver of pig. The visionscars me so much that I can recall it vividly even today. So please believe mesmoking is killing you, and it’s a chronic suicide.
你举的例子不够严谨，有点散乱的感觉
Moreover, smoking in the（去掉） public placeis more likely you are chronically killing the（to kill）people surround you without their(去掉) notice orpermission. For instance, if you smoke in an office, your colleges have nochoice but accept the fact of breathing the harmful air. It’s unfair to othersbecause they have the right to enjoy their working environment instead ofgetting sicker and sicker. And you can’t earn respect from people who can’ttolerant your behavior and conflict may commence. So as a high quality personin nowadays society, you should care about what other people judge you andforbid yourself smoking in public place even there’s no rules.

这一段观点新颖，赞一下。建议再展开一下。
It seems （seems语气太弱，用is）clear thathaving rules of no smoking in public place is a good idea. It will keep yours （you） and othershealthy and reduce conflict. I believe （this） willbring us a batter（better）environmentand benefit all of us.

建议：1、开头做点铺垫工作
      2、分论点最好3个
      3、不要用太多you，your，不严谨
      4、字数要保证300+
      5、加强作文练习，可以背点材料，比如李笑来的，在李笑来范文的基础上改写5~6篇作文，看看效果，然后尝试自己写。一定要坚持每天都写，对于你目前的状况来说，只能这样了。
要加油哦！不要灰心，只要努力，一定会有进步的。我第一次录口语时，我周围的同学拍砖拍得我想找个地洞钻了，呵呵，但是我坚持了下来，虽然现在还是很烂，但我看到了进步。也许不能在短时间达到完美境界，但是一天一小步，总能提高的。

[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 16:23 编辑 ]

woodmanUID: 161906

大作文
It has been a controversial debute(debate) whether smoking should be allowed inthe public places or office buildings since many years ago. Some people opposethis rule while others strongly support it. In my opinion, I consider this ruleas a benefit to the society. 开头不错，赞！

First of all, this rule will guarantee a better environment to the（去掉）people without any smoke around. If there is no such rule, smokerswill enjoy their smoking in the public places without considering the sense ofthe others who around them. They will obviously pollute the environment withthe smoking gas which is composed of many(much)harmful stuff, and the nonsmokers around will respire the dirty air which willtake them many problems. However, if the rule is put into effect, it willdefinitely purify the air, and since there will be no sources that producesmoking gas in the public (places), theenvironment will be more favorable to people's health.

Moreover, this rule can save the smoker's(smokers)a huge amount of money. For most of the serious smokers, smoking will cost themlots of money every month. If there is a way that can restrict the times ofsmoking, smokers must be glad when considering the cost of the smoking. Therule is just the way(method,前面已经用过一次way了) that can ban the smoking in thepublic or office buildings. Smoking may take the(bring)smokers many problems. First, it will take them much money. then(Then) with the loss of the money, smokers willworry about the living condition of their family. Finally, they will get manystress that caused by the smoking. It seems a vicious circle.

Further more, this rule will guarantee the smokers toprovide better performance.(句式和第1个分论点相同，建议变换一下) If the（去掉）smokers are allowedto smoke in the working place, it will bring a serious problem. The smokerswill always smoke when they are dealing with the work, and they will pay lessattention to their assignments. Thus, the efficiency of the smokers willfinally be at a low level. What is the result for a company if all theemployees are serious smokers? So the rule can bring the smokers a moreefficient performance, and can eventually result （in） more profits tothe company.

In conclusion, it is a favorable policy that it will not only win the supportof the nonsmokers but also do not receive hinder(不解什么意思) from the smokers. I really appreciate the rule applied in mycountry.
队长的作文还是很不错的，思路很清晰，文笔也流畅，4分应该可以的。美中不足是句式不够灵活，呵呵，加油啦，队长。

LM_writing
In(From) the reading passage, I know thatgarlic was once very useful. The lecture give（gives） two pieces of support reasons why it hassuch function.

First of all, the garlic can kill bacteria. Reseach tells（shows） that garlic iseffective in killing bacteria, some garlic can even kill as many as 23 types ofbacteria. So it is no surprising that Ancient Egyptian used it as a medicine.It really had the ability to kill some kinds of ailments. And in the 20thcentury, people used it to fight infections and even as a useful thing given tosoldiers’ food. It really worked in the war.

Besides, it can heat the blood, then boosts the blood pressure. For thisfunction, people in the past thought it must have magic powers that could givepeople courage and take the evil spells away. Hence, soldiers used it in orderto gain more energy and encourage. 这一点写得太少了

In a word, garlic can not only kill the bacteria, but also increase people’sblood pressure, so it was considered a useful materia（material）and was widely usedworldwide in the past.
我没有longman的书，所以只能粗略帮你看一下了，条理清晰，写得不错。第一点是不是用原文多了点？没书，所以不敢确定了。第二点写少了点，呵呵。

关于口语
Surprise题：没有描述你当时的感受，呵呵
Exam题：点数少了，好像就说了一点哦
Role conflict题：你说的receivedifferent expectation from families，woman的Role conflict应该是role of work and role of family之间的冲突，你只说了家庭
Dormitory题：开头说了30s哦，以至于后面没展开
Lm1说的不错，要注意更具体一点就更好了。
Lm2和lm3也不错，即使我没有书，但是我能听懂你说的内容。
总的来说，你的lm比delta做得好，原因我也不知道，哈哈。
特别要提及的是你的进步，因为你前面的每一次口语我都听了，觉得进步很大。敢说就是好的，先大胆的说出来，然后再去修改内容和语音语调还有停顿。我相信这是你跨出的勇敢的一步，继续加油哦！下次声音要大一点哦，不要怕什么，敢说是王道。
我改的比较仔细，呵呵，慢慢看哦。


[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:14 编辑 ]

woodmanUID: 161906

哪位有时间看看我的口语，我最担心口语，所以真心希望能得到大家的建议。
首先我自己指出自己的几个不足：
1、语调与真实美语差距甚大
2、从上一次开始，我养成了嗯的习惯，还好这个习惯时间不长，正在痛改，否则太可怕了
3、综合口语引用原文太多了
4、有些词发音可能夹在英式和美式之间（高中练的英式，大学练的美式，现在的口语在两者之间摇摆，汗，呵呵）
5、以前说的语速太快，现在已经放慢了。

此外，我听了17号的口语，忍不住赞一下，呵呵，不管是发音、语调还是停顿都做到了游刃有余，高手！内容也很不错。大家都要学习她哦。我要好好学习。我们组的口语之星了，哈哈，作文也很出色，有希望拿高分哦！

还有我的作文，能不能也提点意见啊，每一次都没有人给我的作文提意见，以至于我不知道怎么去修改了。哪位写作文比较多的组员和我联系一下，我也写了一些，我们可以交换互改。

[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:16 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

谢谢３号给的建议，的确，我现在作文最缺的还是句型（所以要多多看看精华作文哈），如果句型能加强，有希望再上一个档次！
至于口语，我真的要好好练，怎么能放弃呢？要对自己负责，也要对小队负责嘛，现在努力还来得及．我的要求不高，超越自己就可以了！

原帖由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:02 发表
大作文
It has been a controversial debute(debate) whether smoking should be allowed inthe public places or office buildings since many years ago. Some people opposethis rule while others strongl ...

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

至于你说的非要给你的作文提点意见嘛，我觉得你可以用点传神的词汇,让人读起来很舒服的那种!不过这点对于考试;来说好象有点过了,没有必要的.
总之,如果你现在的作文都能在27分钟内完成,并且留有3分钟检查,考试就没有问题了.肯定是高分之作!

不过提醒你一下:考试是取2篇作文的平均分,你大作文即使写的再好(假如满分),但是小作文写的不好,就很吃亏.所以,建议你以后多花点时间在小作文上.因为你有这么好的写作基础了,小作文只要掌握要点,那么照样能拿高分!

原帖由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:11 发表
哪位有时间看看我的口语，我最担心口语，所以真心希望能得到大家的建议。
首先我自己指出自己的几个不足：
1、语调与真实美语差距甚大
2、从上一次开始，我养成了嗯的习惯，还好这个习惯时间不长，正在痛改， ...

ilyUID: 182565

7-20

The answer of this statement depends on your own experience and life style. In my point view, smoking in public places is very important. So it is sagacious to support the good rule.  Among countless factors which influence the choice, these are three are conspicous aspects as follows.
这个开头有点怪怪的，第一句话可以不要。文章要的就是你自己的意见嘛。
  The main reason for my propensity for it is not good for our healty. There are a vast number of illnesses caused by cigarette smoke. Cigarettes can cause lung cancer and therefor smokers inlulge in cigarettes（这里有因果关系吗？）. Each year many lives will be taken away by smoking. How many families will lose their members? Well, not only cancer but also heart disease will be brought by smoking. Moreover,  some disease is visible such as yellow teeth and hands. These give people bad appearance. Although people who smoke directly will harm themselves, the scientist said people who smoke indirectly would be wores, especially the children and pregant women. It is called the second cigarette. （最后一句的位置不合适，应该和前一句结合起来说：儿童和妇女受害更深，源于二手烟）

Another reason can be seen by every pesron is that smoking in public places wil destroy company`s impression. For example, if the company allow staff to smoke freely, you can see the smoke everywhere. It must give us a impression that the air is not fresh. If people can not breath the fresh air, they can not work effectively and complet the assigment very well. It also ruin the envinoment. So the benefit of the company will increase. It is not good to the company if another  company who want to cooperate with the smoky company once they come into the office. They may turn about the office. It can be thought the work attitude is not serious and earnest. （这里还可以扩充:吸烟还会引起火灾之类的灾祸）

Futhermore, forbiding smoking will help smokers not smole so often. If it is not allowes to smoke in public places, smokers must find some places that there are no one. So they can smoke in person. （这个用法不合适）It must make smokers feel trouble and not comfortable. So they have to decrease the times of smoking. It is not only good to smokers but also to other people who do not smoke. So it is very important.

In short, I think this is a good rule that no longer allow to smoke in publio places, for the people`s health, and the benefit of company. It is signality to the society. I beilieve we can do it!（最后一句建议删掉。这个写作毕竟还是考虑书面用语比较多一点）

ilyUID: 182565

1_7
It has been a controversial debute(debate) whether smoking should be allowed in the public places or office buildings since many years ago. Some people oppose this rule while others strongly support it. In my opinion, I consider this rule as a benefit to the society.

First of all, this rule will guarantee a better environment to the people without any smoke around. If there is no such rule,
smokers will enjoy their smoking in the public places without considering the sense of the others who around them. They will obviously pollute the environment with the smoking gas which is composed of many harmful stuff, and the nonsmokers around will respire the dirty air which will take them many problems. However, if the rule is put into effect, it will definitely
purify the air, and since there will be no sources that produce smoking gas in the public, the environment will be more
favorable to people's health.

Moreover, this rule can save the smoker's a huge amount of money. For most of the serious smokers, smoking will cost themlots of money every month.(感觉这个论点不是很能站住脚) If there is a way that can restrict the times of smoking, smokers must be glad when considering the cost of the smoking. The rule is just the way that can ban the smoking in the public or office buildings. Smoking may take the smokers many problems. First, it will take them much money. then with the loss of the money, smokers will worry about the living condition of their family. Finally, they will get many stress that caused by the smoking. It seems a vicious circle.

Further more, this rule will guarantee the smokers to provide better performance. If the smokers are allowed to smoke in the working place, it will bring a serious problem. The smokers will always smoke when they are dealing with the work, and they will pay less attention to their assignments. Thus,the efficiency of the smokers will finally be at a low level. What is the
result for a company if all the employees are serious smokers? So the rule can bring the smokers a more efficient
performance, and can eventually result  more profits to the company.

In conclusion,it is a favorable policy that it will not only win the support of the nonsmokers but also do not receive hinder
from the smokers. I really appreciate the rule applied in my country.

我是第一次看你的文章，不知道你有没有这样的感觉：遇到题目很想把它写深。但是有的时候想太多点反而不如从最基本的出发点考虑题目来的更直接：吸烟对大家身体不好（这个点你写了，很好）； 同时， 会引起火灾或者其他不好的后果，比如，小孩子效仿成年人吸烟， 等等。

我觉得3号mm写的很好，大家多向她学习！

继续加油，时间还来得及的。

rzbrzbUID: 2290243

11改4号作文

We used to meet smokers everywhere: in the streets, in shops, and even in restaurants.  Nowadays, some countries restrict people smoke in many public areas and office buildings.  Absolutely, it is a good rule.

In the first place, it is not a secret that smoking brings about negative impacts on our health. According to a recent survey, four million people die each year from disease linked to smoking. It is a common sense for us that smoking is responsible for many fatal diseases such as lung cancer, heart disease and the list will go on.  A research points that cigarette smoking is associated with a dramatically increase in the risk of dying from chronic obstructive lung disease. About 90% of all deaths from chronic obstructive lung disease are attributable to cigarette smoking.

Meanwhile, smoking in public areas and office buildings will inevitable pollute the air. It is not only the smoker himself suffers from illness caused by smoking, but (also) people around him likely to injure (injure感觉是形容刀剑的伤吧？最好换一个词) by secondhand smoke as well. Secondhand smoke, also known as environmental tobacco smoke, contains at least 200 chemicals known to be toxic. Nonsmokers（用法不错）, especially children, the elders, and pregnant women, who are exposed to secondhand smoke at home or work increase their heart disease risk. In short, Smoking is unfair to those people who do not smoke.

In addition, smoking in public can give rise to serious social issues. For instance, in dry weather, a throwing cigarette end casually may start a fire. It not just causes heavy financial loss it (去掉后加but) also poses a grave threat（这个词学习一下……） to our lives. Anther adverse effect is that many young children may be curious to adult smokers who smoking in public. Although we all know that tobacco use in adolescence is more harmful to their development, they may set adult smokers as an example.

From what I have discussed above, I believe that it is beneficial for everyone if the government limit people smoke in the majority places in public.

整体感觉写得不错~~~举例恰当用词精准，很多地方值得我学习借鉴呵呵，但是个别细节应当注意。
比较好奇的是文章中例子很多，数字很精确，不知是否是掐着时间写的？
没别的意思,只是我感觉我的差距比较大~~不是的话我很佩服你,是的话非常非常佩服你:)

[ 本帖最后由 rzbrzb 于 2007-5-7 23:18 编辑 ]

小龙团茶UID: 2298034

Nowadays, more countries regulate people smoking in public area, so many public places and office buildings are not permitted to smoke. It is definitely a good rule from my point of view. Actually, smoking is totally bad habit though some people take it as one way of relaxing.     First of all, smoking will do harm to our health. This is not some secret, while common sense to all of us. Based on the statistics, one cigarette will shorten your life by 5 minutes. Smoking will induce cancer if you keep the habit for some period of time, the period of time is varied on different people. Lung cancer is common among those heavy smokers, followed by tongue cancer and throat cancer. When the addicts enjoy the 'relaxed' smoking time, they should realize that their health are encroached by the nicotine and other toxic chemicals gradually. Not only smokers themselves, other people who don't smoke around them will be impacted by the terrible smoke. Especially the elders, children, and pregnant women will be secondary victims if smoking in public areas is not banned.     Secondly, smoking in public areas will bring some other bad issues. Unrestricted smoking will cause fire or other cataclysms. For instance, if the workers can smoke at anywhere in the factory, the butts they throw off casually probably induce fire accidents. The same cataclysms can also happen in elevators, or cinemas, the places usually crowded with people. Besides that, adults who smoke in public areas are bad models to our adolescents. Some young people even take that for fashion manner then follow it. If the adult smokers can control their smoking for the sake of health, those young, who are not conscious what they are doing is to deteriorate their health, may have even more worse impact. It is not hard to imagine when the young reach to their 30-40 years old, they are struggling with cancers. It is not only the loss to themselves, their families, but also to our country, 30-40 is just the age people work at their peak of their carrer （career）life.             If people are permitted to smoke only in some specific public areas, this regulation maybe reduce the frequency of their smoking, and in some degree postpone the time point for they get cancer. Another direct advantage of the regulation is, other people around smokers will not suffer the smoke in most cases. So I suggest smokers have their restricted areas even in private spaces, such as home, for their family members have the rights to protect their health. In short, requiring people not to smoke is impossible, (and) what we can do is to reduce the impact of smoking to the minimum. Restricting people to smoke in many public areas seems to be the best way, now.

思路清晰,简练,找不出什末错误.比以前的进步很大,值得我学习,论据都举的不错,用词也是,向姐姐学习拉! 口语大家都反映不错，我同感，流畅，语调都很好，内容也不错，请教经验了！

[ 本帖最后由 小龙团茶 于 2007-5-9 13:19 编辑 ]

小龙团茶UID: 2298034

我现在只是对口语的独立部分还算有些思路，其他的大家时怎莫说的，大体思路能告诉我吗？
还有就是综合写作 谢谢啦！

wallace_jimUID: 2249569

怎么没人改我的呢？帮忙看下提下意见好不好
我的是13号wallace

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

你可以把情况报告给3号!
真的很抱歉!

原帖由 wallace_jim 于 2007-5-14 00:43 发表
怎么没人改我的呢？帮忙看下提下意见好不好
我的是13号wallace