六月IELTS 七分保底小组 (A类)H-Kevin 第二次作业 5/5

H-KevinUID：2182070

题目

图表题 1      1楼
图表题 2      5楼
图表题 3      7楼
ISSUE 1     10楼
ISSUE 2     12楼


图表题 1

As can be seen from the chart, these three motor company, Acme Sports Cars, Branson motor and Curtis Car Mart, have a different performance during the financial year 1994. Especially this performance has been affected obviously by the other two reasons.

In the first Quarter, the profit of Acme Sport reached the highest point at A$80,000 in all the three companies. However, the profit has a sharply decrease from October when the public broadcast the introduction of tax on luxury goods. Until the end of the financial year, the profit of Acme Sport still be the bottom in the graph. And the Curtis Car mart has the second profit at A$40,000 at the beginning of the financial year, its profit is slightly dropped at A$20,000 in the first equator. But they have two turning point, the profit keep the significantly increase in both the end of 1st quarter and the end of 3rd quarter when the media reports boost in Australia economy.

Compared with Acme sport Cars, the Branson motors rise steadily during the whole year. Even their profit fluctuated in the 3rd quarter, the profit climb to A$60,000 in the end of financial year. The news of introduction of tax on luxury goods impels the sale of the Branson Motors.

The graph reveals that the Acme Sports Cars decreased their profit since the introduction of tax on luxury goods was reported. And Bothe three companies have a unequally rise as media reports boost in Australian economy.

(一共五题 完)

[ 本帖最后由 H-Kevin 于 2007-5-9 20:42 编辑 ]

computervisionUID：2331955

As can be seen from the chart, these three motor company, Acme Sports Cars, Branson motor and Curtis Car Mart, have a different performance (复数？)during the financial year 1994. Especially this performance has been （似乎不用过去完成时吧）affected obviously by the other two reasons.

In the first Quarter, the profit of Acme Sport reached the highest point at A$80,000 in all the three companies. However, the profit has a sharply（sharp） decrease from October when the public broadcast the introduction of tax on luxury goods. Until the end of the financial year, the profit of Acme Sport still be the bottom in the graph. And the Curtis Car mart has the second profit（第二多的收入？） at A$40,000 at the beginning of the financial year, its profit is slightly dropped（is？？不用吧） at A$20,000 in the first equator. But they have two turning point（复数）, the profit keep the significantly increase(ing???) in both the end of 1st quarter and the end of 3rd quarter when the media reports (media 是复数名词)boost in Australia economy.

Compared with Acme sport Cars, the Branson motors rise steadily during the whole year. Even their profit fluctuated in the 3rd quarter, the profit climb to A$60,000 in the end of financial year. The news of introduction of tax on luxury goods impels the sale of the Branson Motors.

The graph reveals that the Acme Sports Cars decreased their profit since the introduction of tax on luxury goods was reported. And Bothe three companies have a unequally rise as media reports boost in Australian economy.


1.时态不对，应用过去式
2.总体觉得，句式上较为单调...
3.趋势描述是不是太少了
4.具体的时间应该填上几个
5.最后一段觉得 还不如去掉
加油！
----------------------------------------------
初次改，没经验，希望版主、板油、小组成员多都给与指点

[ 本帖最后由 computervision 于 2007-5-3 17:55 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID：2182070

非常感谢,如果你不说我还真的忘记了图表题是需要过去时态的

computervisionUID：2331955

the profit keep the significantly increase(ing???) 这个改得似乎不对，理解错意思了，把significantly改成形容词，sorry

H-KevinUID：2182070

图表题 2

As can be seen from chart, the tooth decay would happen when the PH level in the month decreased below 5.5. And all the three common sugar, including fruit sugar , cane sugar and honey, could caused this decrease of PH level in the different degree due to the time elapsed after eating sugar or honey.

We can found that the PH level dropped obviously in 5 minutes after eating sugars or honey. Cane sugar had a strongest effect of all three sugars in declining the PH level in the mouth at almost 3.5 in 5 minutes. The fruit sugar and honey dropped PH level at about 4.25 and 4.75. Then the picture illustrated that honey the PH level recovered rapidly in 15 minutes when we ate the honey than another two sugars. It cost 30 minutes to recover the acid level at which tooth decay is unlikely if the dropped PH level was caused by the cane sugar. And the recovery time of PH level for eating the fruit sugar is approximately 20 minutes.

Compared to the constant PH level in mouth from 5 to 10 minutes of eating honey, the recovery speed of other two sugars kept rise after 5 minutes. The PH level of eating honey jumped to the acid level at which tooth decay is unlikely in 5 minutes after its constant term.

From the line chart above, we can draw a conclusion that honey is the sugar which could have a lower chance in getting the tooth decay than cane sugar and fruit sugar.

wushashaUID：2289713

As can be seen from chart, the tooth decay would happen when the PH level in the month （词错了，应该是mouth吧） ……这篇作文我也不是很清楚，它想说明的问题，所以你的结论那是一个直观的结果，而非implications for dental health! 这也是我得个人之见，请参考！

H-KevinUID：2182070

图表题 3
As can be seen from two charts, the numbers of male and female is very different due to the various sectors, and there also a obviously change in the number of female employee from 1975 to 1995 in the Republic of Freedonia.

we can see from the first chart that the number of male employee, in any field, is higher than that of female employee, especially in public sector(defence), manufacturing, Finance and banking. The 650,000, of male employee, in manufacturing and 425,000 in finance and banking is three times as much as that of female employee. Furthermore, the number of female employee worked in public sector (defence) is only one seventh of the number of males.

However, there is a sharp change in the employment structure in 1995 when we count the
number of employee based on the difference of gender in the same sector which compared to that of 1975. The sectors of communications and wholesale& retail trade contain about 550,000 and 800,000 female employees, which is higher that that of male employees. A gradually increased number of female employee appeared in the public sector (defence), finance and banking. In addition, the manufacturing and public sector(non-defence) have no change in the gender rate and number from 1975 to 1995.

From the charts above, we draw the conclusion that the female employee already gained more chance to enter the various sector in the Republic of Freedonia in 1995.

H-KevinUID：2182070

呵呵,谢谢,主要是month在图表题中写习惯了

原帖由 wushasha 于 2007-5-3 22:38 发表
As can be seen from chart, the tooth decay would happen when the PH level in the month （词错了，应该是mouth吧） ……这篇作文我也不是很清楚，它想说明的问题，所以你的结论那是一个直观的结果，而非im ...

wushashaUID：2289713

呵呵，共同努力、共同提高……

H-KevinUID：2182070

ISSUE 1

In the modern time, more and more people prefer to feed some small animals as pts in ordinary living. The aim of this new habit for the human being is possible that the crowd city change the distance of people relationship be aloof, so the people choose pets be their friend, With the increased number of these kind of animals, some society problem also appear around us.

Firstly, majority pets’ holder feels comfortable and happiness to grow a pet, except the disadvantage brought by the pets synchronously. For example, there is a small puppy in my grandfathers' house since my grandmother left him about 7years. In order to prevent the loneliness, this small dog can be a good friend to my grandfather with its lovely pose and beautiful strip around its body. That more and more person treats pets as their family member is also a common reason why the pets become popular.

Secondly, those pets bring us a lot of society problem to its holder and other people is undeniable fact. The serious one is a kind of disease which can kill the man without any effective medicine and treatment. This disease wills occur when the man bite by a dog who already catch this virus inner its body. Another common problem is we can find the animal waste in improper place, such as park, kitchen room and meeting room. Because of very lower intelligence tat a pet has, they can not control their action. They just do what they want t do. If the pets holder did not care about the behavior of their pets, it must be a great number of things which cause the trouble to the other people.

Feeding a pet will cost much many is a fact due to the pets living already become a market for the businessman. We can see the advertisement of pet food in TV everyday; even they sell the cloth to the pets. It is usual to see a dog wearing a cloth in street. The good flavor of that commercial pet food let pet eat them only. And in order to keep warm and beautiful, the pet holder also likes to spend their salary to purchase the small cloth for their pets. Especially when the pet is ill, the medicine for animal is expensive as much as that of a human being. All of these will affect the money consuming for a person feeding a pet.

In conclusion, the various advantage of feeding a pet make this society phenomenon exists in several centuries. From be an assistant in hunting to be a friend in family, the pet already ha s a important position in their holds' living. Costing money and Causing social problem which is an inevitable truth will be solved when the pet holder have a reasonable management of their pets.

wushashaUID：2289713

[quote]原帖由 H-Kevin 于 2007-5-6 22:43 发表
ISSUE 1

In the modern time, more and more people prefer to feed some small animals as pts (pets) in ordinary living. The aim of this new habit for the human being is possible that the crowd city change the distance of people relationship be aloof, so the people choose pets be their friend, (.?)With the increased number of these kind of animals, some society problem(s) also appear around us.

Firstly, majority (of) pets’ holder（s） feels comfortable and happiness （happy） to grow a pet, except the disadvantage brought by the pets synchronously. For example, there is a small puppy in my grandfathers' （grandfather's）house since my grandmother left him about 7years. In order to prevent the loneliness, this small dog can be a good friend to (with 更好吧？) my grandfather with its lovely pose and beautiful strip around its body. That more and more person treats pets as their family member is also a common reason why the pets become popular.

Secondly, those pets bring us a lot of society problem to its holder and other people is undeniable fact. The serious one is a kind of disease which can kill the man without any effective medicine and treatment. This disease wills occur when the man bite by a dog who already catch this virus inner its body. Another common problem is we can find the animal waste in improper place, such as park, kitchen room and meeting room. Because of very lower intelligence tat a pet has, they can not control their action. They just do what they want t do. If the pets holder did not care about the behavior of their pets, it must be a great number of things which cause the trouble to the other people.

Feeding a pet will cost much many（money） is a fact due to the pets living already become a market for the businessman. We can see the advertisement of pet food in TV everyday; even they sell the cloth to the pets. It is usual to see a dog wearing a cloth in street. The good flavor of that commercial pet food let pet eat them only. And in order to keep warm and beautiful, the pet holder also likes to spend their salary to purchase the small cloth for their pets. Especially when the pet is ill, （especially引导的从句一般不放在句首吧？它表示递进关系，一般放在一个句子的后面）the medicine for animal is expensive as much as that of a human being. All of these will affect the money consuming for a person feeding a pet.

In conclusion, the various advantage（s） of feeding a pet make this society phenomenon exists in several centuries. From be an assistant in hunting to be a friend in family, the pet already ha s a important position in their holds' living. Costing money and Causing social problem which is an inevitable truth will be solved when the pet holder have a reasonable management of their pets.

总体评价：感觉读起来很拗口，不流畅！请您再注意修改……
我修改的只是其中一部分自己感觉不对的地方，有些我不确定正误的地方未作修改，
再有其他意见，再商榷！

H-KevinUID：2182070

ISSUE 2

In my opinion, the most important invention with technological development in the 20th century is the computer, oriented from a laboratory located in one of America universities, what already became the indispensable tool in every corner, even out of the earth, of this world.

Firstly, the computer has increased the production rate in industry and decreased the workload efficiently. Because computer can be used in any field just after the programmer plan the suitable program for their client. For instance, before the computer appeared, the print industry needs the worker to carve the character into the wood, in case the worker is remiss of operating in wood. The entire piece of that print template will be black out. However, if we use the computer software to make the template of print, every mistake will be changed before typing, just checked precisely
by computer program and use the plastic key "del" and "Backspace" in one minute.

Secondly, the computer let the person have chance to communicate with each other in the different country or continent synchronously. The precondition for this amazing function is having a computer and buying internet service. We can image that when an African want to talk with their member who lived in Asia, the computer will provide both audio and video for both of them. The chatting room in the internet also offers us the service in making friend who have the same hobby as you, even some guys gain a foreign girlfriend through a international chatting room.

In another side, the development of computer unavoidably bring some trouble to our society, and some of them can cause the serious dangerous. That will be easy to explain with the fact that some specialist who masters the computer very well can use the internet to steal the money from bank quickly. We always could find the news about the economic criminal who uses the computer as a high-tech tool. Sometimes, the criminal is hard to arrest due to the way of destroying the crime evidence is easily, as the skill of correcting the mistake in print industry, merely using the key "del" in several minutes.

In conclusion, the development of technology, with controlling the abuse of this development, from which our society will gain much profit and advance for our life, even have the chance to change the evolution of human being.

computervisionUID：2331955

As can be seen from two charts, the numbers of male and female is very different due to the various sectors, and there also a obviously change in the number of female employees(应该用复数吧) from 1975 to 1995 in the Republic of Freedonia.

we can see from the first chart that the number of male employee, in any field, is higher than that of female employee, especially in public sector(defence), manufacturing, Finance and banking. The（去掉吧？） 650,000, of male employee, in manufacturing and 425,000 in finance and banking is three times as much as that of female employee. Furthermore, the number of female employee worked in public sector (defence) is only one seventh of the number of males.

However, there is（这个地方是用is 还是was，还有待商量，我看到书上有的是is有的是was，我觉得都有道理） a sharp change in the employment structure in 1995 when we count the
number of employee based on the difference of gender in the same sector which（去掉就行吧） compared to that of 1975. The sectors of communications and wholesale& retail trade contain about 550,000 and 800,000 female employees, which is higher that（than） that of male employees. A gradually increased number of female employee appeared in the public sector (defence), finance and banking. In addition, the manufacturing and public sector(non-defence) have no change in the gender rate and number from 1975 to 1995.

From the charts above, we draw the conclusion that the female employee already gained more chance to enter the various sector in the Republic of Freedonia in 1995.
整体上还不错，是不是漏掉了一点信息啊（第一个图）

computervisionUID：2331955

In my opinion, the most important invention with technological development in the 20th century is the computer, oriented from a laboratory located in one of America universities, what (which)already (has become) became the indispensable tool in every corner, even out of the earth, of this world.
Firstly, the computer has increased the production rate in industry and decreased the workload efficiently. Because computer can be used in any field just after the programmer plan（时态，要么复数，要么第三人称单数） the suitable program（s） for their client（s）. For instance, before the computer appeared, the print industry needs（ed） the worker to carve the character（s） into the wood, in case the worker is remiss of operating in wood. The entire piece of that print template will be black out. However, if we use the computer software to make the template of print, every mistake will be changed before typing, just checked precisely
by computer program and use the plastic key "del" and "Backspace" in one minute.
Secondly, the computer let the person have(时态，要么复数，要么第三人称单数) chance to communicate with each other in the different country(ies) or continent synchronously. The precondition for this amazing function is having a computer and buying internet service. We can image (imagine??)that when an African want to talk with their member who lived in Asia, the computer will provide both audio and video for both of them. The chatting room in the internet(不是in吧) also offers us the service in making friend who have the same hobby as you, even some guys gain a foreign girlfriend through a international chatting room.
In another side, the development of computer unavoidably bring some trouble to our society, and some of them can cause the serious dangerous（名词）. That will be easy to explain with the fact that some specialist who masters the computer very well can use the internet to steal the money from bank quickly. We always could find the news about the economic criminal (经济罪犯？)who uses the computer as a high-tech tool. Sometimes, the criminal is hard to arrest due to the way of destroying the crime evidence is easily,（形容词） as the skill of correcting the mistake in print industry, merely using the key "del" in several minutes.
In conclusion, the development of technology（复数）, with controlling the abuse of this development, from which our society will gain much profit and advance for our life, even have the chance to change the evolution of human being.

1整体看，时态觉得很乱（如果我要是改得争取的话）
2文章结构还可以
3有的句子很长，但是觉得不是很舒服
4另外一点，例子描述的似乎不好
加油！！！

H-KevinUID：2182070

非常感谢，我再看看