6月六月IELTS 七分保底小组 (A类)新人computervision第二次作业5/5

computervisionUID: 2331955

GIF16
The line graph demonstrates the incomes of three Australian car retail companies, Acme Sports Car, Branson Motors and Curtis Car Mart, in month for the 1994 financial years.

Acme Sports Cars made large profits in the first quarter. Its profit is A$70000 in beginning, and after a slight decrease, the number climbed to A$ 80000. However, there was a dramatic reduction during the next quarter, which was maybe caused by the execution of the luxury goods tax. Attributed to the Australia economy boost, the fourth quarter witnessed a boom after the increase of the third quarter.

As for the Branson Motors, its profit kept raising in the first two quarter A$ 40000 in Sep 94 and about A$ 70000 in Dec 94 separately. Then, there was a fluctuation in the third quarter. Despite of the boost in economy, the amount of profit increased by A$ 10000 only. The income of Curtis Car Mart reached its bottom (A$20000) in Sep 1994. But an obvious rising up to A$ 80000 in Jun 1995 was showed in other three quarters.(173)
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GIF14
Raising pets has existed for hundreds of years in human civilization history. It is one of the proofs that animals and human being  live together in the earth harmoniously. But some opposite arguments say that raising pets costs too much, moreover, dangerous and dirty are unavoidable. Disadvantages are definitely brought, in my view, and meanwhile advantages accompany obviously.

Disadvantages of having pets primarily present in the three aspects as follows. First, some citizens love their pets so much that their normal family relationship has been ignored. To some extent, the deterioration of family relationship will influence the stabilization of the whole society. Second, as the criticism says, if overmuch dollars are spent in pet food, toys and treatment, it is a waste of money indeed. In addition, nobody can promise that their lovely puppies will never hurt themselves and others.

However, there are several advantages that pets give us. Trained dogs have been employed to be  nurses and guiders for blind man. Their contributions to human will never be forgotten. Furthermore, in order to cultivate children's personalities and teach the to cherish the life, teachers always suggest parents buy some rabbits and cats and raise with their children. At last, reports expressed that pets can help the senior citizen and some mental illnesses patients.

As for the question whether too much money are spend on pets, in my opinion, the phenomenon have not gone that worse. Nevertheless, I strongly support that much attention should been paid to pets and establishment of correct relationship between pets and masters are essential. (259)
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The graph demonstrates the changes of acid levels in mouth caused by eating fruit sugar, cane sugar and honey sugar separately with time elapsing. It can be seen that PH value is used to describe the level of acid and PH 5.5 is the boundary of decay happening.

As you can see, when you eat any kind of these three categories sugars, the acid levels in mouth decrease quite quickly, and all will reach their lowest points in 5 minutes. Whereas, their lowest values are different, PH3.5 for honey, about PH4 for fruit sugar and PH4.7 for cane sugar approximately.

The PH value of honey nearly levels off in the period between 5 minutes and 10 minutes. Then, there is a obvious increase trend in the PH value until 25 minutes elapsing. After that, the value reaches 7 and remains steady. The one thing we give attention is that it is at 13 minutes point that the PH value is equal to PH 5.5.

In contrast to the honey sugar, though the acid level begin to decrease 5 minutes later, the influences of cane and fruit sugar to your tooth are by far worse, since the PH value need more time to exceed the safe value PH5.5. As for cane fruit sugar, the PH value is over PH5.5 after 20 minutes you eat them and increases to 7 in 35 minutes. What is the worst is that the cane sugar makes your tooth in decay state more than half an hour.

So we can conclude that, through the analysis above, the honey sugar is the safest sugar, while the cane sugar affects your tooth most.
超大法了，晕！！！

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The steps of technological development never halted before in the civilization history of humankind. Even greater advances in technologies, which involve electronic engineering, telecommunication, medicine, computer science, and so on, have been witnessed in the 20th century. Among these fast developing technological domains, in my view, computer science should be the one that influence the humankind most and has made a considerable number of traditional life modes and behavior modes of human changed. However, these changes are both in positive direction and negative direction.

Why do I support the notion that the evolution of computer science is the most important technology? The reasons are mainly presented in two aspects. Initially, it is the computer science that has bought the global boom of productivity. Undoubtedly, productivity is the drive force of the human society in essence. Therefore, the progress of productivity motivates will motivates the advancement of human society entirely.

In addition, computer science has effected our daily life so enormously that there is not another technology surpass it so far. It dose change our life and enter every corner of our life indeed. Without computers, you would not withdraw you cashes from ATM machines, which means more time would be spent in queue in bank counters. Another example, the complex procedures of industry would never be controlled precisely, as most of them are out of human capacities and are hazardous. In one word, our life is more convenient and comfortable by far, contributed to the help of computer science.

Unfortunately, accompanied with merits, negative affects of computer science come into our sights. The wide utilization of computer in factories replaces thousands of workers, which promote the unemployment rate and lead to the instability of society at last. Moreover, computer games that the youth are easily addicted to are always the focus of criticisms.

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From the first graph, we can see that, in the Republic of Freedonia, male labor forces occupied more positions than women in all of the working sectors in 1975. For example the in the public (***) sector more than 200000 worker were male labor forces, in contrary, the figure for female decreased to less than 50000. A considerable number of workers engaged in public sector(non****) and retail trade area, approximate 8300000 male and 630000 female for public sector (non ***) and about 650000 male and 670000 female for retail trade area. There are about 300000 female employed in manufacturing sector, however, the number doubled for the male employer. At the same time, a little gap was presented in communication sector.

What we can observe from the second graph is that more women workers were recruited in retail trade, communications and finance banking sector in the year 1995. Especially, overcoming the number of male working, female workers hold more positions in communications and retail trade sectors. While, the percentage of different gender workers in manufacturing and pubic sectors(non***) kept steady. More and more female workers joined the finance/banking sector and the distance with male workers reduced obviously and the same trend can be find in public sector(***)

Through the analysis and description above, we draw a conclusion that the number of female worker had gained an enormous growth over the twenty-year period.
实在是看不清public()括号中的字...用***代替了

[ 本帖最后由 computervision 于 2007-5-8 20:15 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID: 2182070

GIF16

The line graph demonstrates the incomes of three Australian car retail companies, Acme Sports Car, Branson Motors and Curtis Car Mart, in month for the 1994 financial years.

Acme Sports Cars made large profits in the first quarter. Its profit is A$70000 in beginning, and after a slight decrease, the number climbed to A$ 80000. However, there was a dramatic reduction during the next quarter, which was maybe caused by the execution of the luxury goods tax. Attributed to the Australia economy boost, the fourth quarter witnessed a boom after the increase of the third quarter.

As for the Branson Motors, its profit kept raising in the first two quarter A$ 40000 in Sep 94 and about A$ 70000 in Dec 94 separately. Then, there was a fluctuation in the third quarter. Despite of the boost in economy, the amount of profit increased by A$ 10000 only. The income of Curtis Car Mart reached its bottom (A$20000) in Sep 1994. But an obvious rising up to A$ 80000 in Jun 1995 was showed in other three quarters.(173)

1.你文章写的比较简洁易懂
2.题目要求Acme和Branse两个公司要进行比较,所以最好两个数据进行穿插着写.
3.其实这片文章从根本上讲没有要求写Curtis公司,所以最后一句也可以不要了(不过我写的更跑题:lol )
4.173个字我觉得还没有达到要求,你现在的水平写到200-250字比较好,还可以增加一些细节,比如说B公司年终是年初的三倍,但是A年终只有年初的1/2之类的比较

computervisionUID: 2331955

晕，我还真没在意要求，狂ft，哎...以后注意了。
的确是没有比较两个公司，一个失误，下篇改一下风格

至于字数，我觉得没必要那么多（练习除外），170足够了，考试的时候还是重点弄essay
:)

wushashaUID: 2289713

其实我在写GIF16的时候，也没有看清楚要求（只需要比较两个公司即可）就写了，所以到了想向上传的时候，才发现自己跑题了……所以，我们在考试的时候多加注意，免得因小失大……:)

wushashaUID: 2289713

我也觉着不应该写那么多字数好，否则时间不够用的……但是，人家task1 的要求是表述清楚，字数少了，就很难达到……二者难以择一啊……

H-KevinUID: 2182070

GIF14

Raising pets has existed for hundreds of years in human civilization history. It is one of the proofs that animals and human being  live together in the earth harmoniously(这句话是不是离中心比较远). But some opposite arguments say that raising pets costs too much, moreover, dangerous and dirty are unavoidable. Disadvantages are definitely brought, in my view, and meanwhile advantages accompany(这两个词的在此句中的意思差不多,and meanwhile感觉比较别扭) obviously.

Disadvantages of having pets primarily present in the three aspects as follows. First, some citizens love their pets so much that their normal family relationship has been ignored. To some extent, the deterioration of family relationship will influence the stabilization of the whole society(给个实际一点的例子好些吧). Second, as the criticism says, if overmuch dollars(单数) are spent in pet food, toys and treatment, it is a waste of money indeed.(此句话来自何处?没听说过啊) In addition, nobody can promise that their lovely puppies will never hurt themselves and others.

However, there are several advantages that pets give us. Trained dogs have been employed to be  nurses and guiders for blind man. Their contributions to human will never be forgotten. Furthermore, in order to cultivate children's personalities and teach the to cherish the life, teachers always suggest parents buy some rabbits and cats and raise with their children. At last, reports expressed that pets can help the senior citizen and some mental illnesses patients.

As for the question whether too much money are spend on pets, in my opinion, the phenomenon have not gone that worse(逻辑关系有些问题). Nevertheless, I strongly support that much attention should been paid to pets and establishment of correct relationship between pets and masters are essential. (259)

H-KevinUID: 2182070

The graph demonstrates the changes of acid levels in mouth caused by eating fruit sugar, cane sugar and honey sugar separately with time elapsing. It can be seen that PH value is used to describe the level of acid and PH 5.5 is the boundary of decay happening.

As you can see, when you eat any kind of these three categories sugars, the acid levels in mouth decrease quite quickly, and all will reach their lowest points in 5 minutes. Whereas, their lowest values are different, PH3.5 for honey, about PH4 for fruit sugar and PH4.7 for cane sugar approximately.(两句合成一句写是不是好看一些)

The PH value of honey nearly levels off in the period between 5 minutes and 10 minutes. Then, there is a obvious increase trend in the PH value until 25 minutes elapsing. After that, the value reaches 7 and remains steady. The one thing we give attention is that it is at 13 minutes point that the PH value is equal to PH 5.5.

In contrast to the honey sugar, though(这个连词是什么作用？) the acid level begin to decrease 5 minutes later, the influences of cane and fruit sugar to your tooth are by far worse, since the PH value need more time to exceed the safe value PH5.5（能看懂，但是感觉层次比较乱）. As for cane fruit sugar, the PH value is over PH5.5 after 20 minutes you eat them and increases to 7 in 35 minutes. What is the worst is that the cane sugar makes your tooth in decay state more than half an hour.
（这一段写的看起来很难受）

So we can conclude that, through the analysis above, the honey sugar is the safest sugar, while the cane sugar affects your tooth most.


这篇文章不需要过去时了吗？

computervisionUID: 2331955

原帖由 H-Kevin 于 2007-5-5 15:58 发表
The graph demonstrates the changes of acid levels in mouth caused by eating fruit sugar, cane sugar and honey sugar separately with time elapsing. It can be seen that PH value is used to describe ...

我觉得，这个是类似于一个科学研究问题，所有的这类问题，应该都是用现在时，因为你陈述的是个事实。
我看的论文都是这个样子:)
觉得不合适我们在找版主讨论

computervisionUID: 2331955

Raising pets has existed for hundreds of years in human civilization history. It is one of the proofs that animals and human being  live together in the earth harmoniously(这句话是不是离中心比较远). But some opposite arguments say that raising pets costs too much, moreover, dangerous and dirty are unavoidable. Disadvantages are definitely brought, in my view, and meanwhile -------欠考虑advantages accompany(这两个词的在此句中的意思差不多,and meanwhile感觉比较别扭) obviously.

Disadvantages of having pets primarily present in the three aspects as follows. First, some citizens love their pets so much that their normal family relationship has been ignored. To some extent, the deterioration of family relationship will influence the stabilization of the whole society(给个实际一点的例子好些吧)，非常感谢，的确是. Second, as the criticism says, if overmuch dollars(单数) are spent in pet food, toys and treatment, it is a waste of money indeed.(此句话来自何处?没听说过啊) 这个不是个谚语或是其他的，只是说同意题目上的批评了，In addition, nobody can promise that their lovely puppies will never hurt themselves and others.

However, there are several advantages that pets give us. Trained dogs have been employed to be  nurses and guiders for blind man. Their contributions to human will never be forgotten. Furthermore, in order to cultivate children's personalities and teach the to cherish the life, teachers always suggest parents buy some rabbits and cats and raise with their children. At last, reports expressed that pets can help the senior citizen and some mental illnesses patients.

As for the question whether too much money are spend on pets, in my opinion, the phenomenon have not gone that worse(逻辑关系有些问题)写的不是很完整这个句子，以后改正. Nevertheless, I strongly support that much attention should been paid to pets and establishment of correct relationship between pets and masters are essential. (259)

computervisionUID: 2331955

In contrast to the honey sugar, though(这个连词是什么作用？)想找个连词来着，没仔细想， 换成comparing with可能好一些  the acid level begin to decrease 5 minutes later, the influences of cane and fruit sugar to your tooth are by far worse, since the PH value need more time to exceed the safe value PH5.5（能看懂，但是感觉层次比较乱）.As for cane fruit sugar, the PH value is over PH5.5 after 20 minutes you eat them and increases to 7 in 35 minutes. What is the worst is that the cane sugar makes your tooth in decay state more than half an hour.

恩，以后还是单条线分别描述吧

computervisionUID: 2331955

最近特别忙，作业帖的比较慢，明天全部完成啊

H-KevinUID: 2182070

呵呵,坚持就是胜利啊

computervisionUID: 2331955

原帖由 computervision 于 2007-5-2 22:45 发表
GIF16
The line graph demonstrates the incomes of three Australian car retail companies, Acme Sports Car, Branson Motors and Curtis Car Mart, in month for the 1994 financial years.

Acme Spor ...

终于弄完了第一次作业，汗...，
大吼一声：忙死了

H-KevinUID: 2182070

The steps of technological development never halted before in（怎么两个介词） the civilization history of humankind. Even（在这里什么意思？） greater advances in technologies, which involve electronic engineering, telecommunication, medicine, computer science, and so on, have been witnessed in the 20th century. Among these fast developing technological domains, in my view, computer science should be the one that influences the humankind most and has made a considerable number of traditional life modes and behavior modes of human changed. However, these changes are both in positive direction and negative direction.(相对于其他段落来说，主题段太长了)

Why do I support the notion that the evolution of computer science is the most important technology? The reasons are mainly presented in two aspects. Initially, it is the computer science that has bought the global boom of productivity（三个词的顺序是不是应该调整一下）. Undoubtedly, productivity is the drive force of the human society in essence. Therefore, the progress of productivity motivates will motivates the advancement of human society entirely. （两句话的意思是一样的，不如加一个例子）

In addition, computer science has effected our daily life so enormously that there is not another technology surpass it so far（主题句太抽象了）. It dose change our life and enter every corner of our life indeed. Without computers, you would not withdraw you cashes from ATM machines, which means more time would be spent in queue in bank counters. Another example, the complex procedures of industry would never be controlled precisely, as most of them are out of human capacities and are hazardous(这个例子放在前面一段是不是更好,感觉与生产力有关). In one word, our life is more convenient and comfortable by far, contributed to the help of computer science.

Unfortunately, accompanied with merits, negative affects of computer science come into our sights. The wide utilization of computer in factories replaces thousands of workers, which promote(这是褒义词,用这里不合适吧) the unemployment rate and lead to the instability of society at last. Moreover, computer games that the youth are easily addicted to are always the focus of criticisms.

感觉少了一个结尾段

H-KevinUID: 2182070

From the first graph, we can see that, in the Republic of Freedonia, male labor forces occupied more positions than women in all of the working sectors in 1975. For example the(?) in the public (***) sector more than 200000 worker were male labor forces, in contrary, the figure for female decreased to less than 50000. A considerable number of workers engaged in public sector(non****) and retail trade area, approximate 8300000 male and 630000 female for public sector (non ***) and about 650000 male and 670000 female for retail trade area. There are about 300000 female employed in manufacturing sector, however, the number doubled for the male employer. At the same time, a little gap was presented in communication sector(这一段读起来感觉很凌乱,主题,陈述关系联接薄弱).

What we can observe from the second graph is that more women workers were recruited in retail trade, communications and finance banking sector in the year 1995. Especially, overcoming the number of male working, female workers hold more positions in communications and retail trade sectors. While, the percentage of different gender workers in manufacturing and pubic sectors(non***) kept steady. More and more female workers joined the finance/banking sector and the distance with male workers reduced obviously(作为中国人可以理解,不过还是别扭的描述) and the same trend can be find in public sector(***)

Through the analysis and description above, we draw a conclusion that the number of female worker had gained an enormous growth over the twenty-year period.(结尾挺好,意图清楚)

1.标准头重脚轻布局
2.***=defence