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[作文] 六月IELTS 七分保底小组 (A类)第二次作业(完成5/5) Wushasha [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-5-3 16:14:33 |显示全部楼层

Second composition 16.GIF

     The graph, presented in line chart, given above showed the fluctuations of 3 Australian companies’ monthly profits form July, 1994 to June, 1995, which were divided into 4 sections: 1st Quarter (July to September, 1994), 2nd Quarter (October to December, 1994), 3rd Quarter (January to March, 1995) and the End of Financial Year (April to June, 1995).
     As can be seen from the graph, the mothly profits of Bransuri Motors and Curis car Mart showed the similar trends during the period given above, so we chose the Bransui Motors for example, to compare the performace with Acme Sports Cars, which obviously is a kind of luxury goods. For Acme Sports Cars, it showed a slight drop from 70000 A$ to 60000A$ during the first two months (July and Auguest, 1994), and then went up to 80000 A$ at the end of 1st Quarter. At same time, profits of Bransuri Motors increased slightly from 20000 to 40000 A$ during 1st Quarter. At the beginning of the 2nd Quarter, government introduced a policy of tax on luxury goods, so there was a sharp drop of Acme Sports Cars to 10000 A$ and incresed to 60000 A$ of Bransuri Motors at the end of 2nd Quarter. When came to the 3rd Quarter, the profits of the both companies stayed almost the same. Pronounced increasing trends of the both companies were appeared again (Acme Sports Cars: from 20000 to 40000 A$; Bransuri Motors: from 50000 to 60000 A$) duiring the last Quarter, and this may be caused by the Media reports boost in Australian economy.
     From the graph, we can see clearly that the policy of tax on luxury goods affects significantly the profits of the three companies, while the media reports boost can positively promote profits. (293 words)

Second composition 17.GIF

         The graph, presented in line chart, showed the acid fluctuations produced by 3 kinds of sweet food (Fruit sugar, Cane sugar and Honey) with time elapsed after eating sugar or honey.
       As can be seen from the chart, pH levels of the 3 kinds of sugars dropped dramatically from 7 to 4.8, 4.3 and even 3, which meant the acidity increased remarkably, during the first 5 minutes after eating moment. However, there were pronounced increasing of them until 40 minutes, when pH level peaked at 7. According to the horizontal line, which divided the pH levels into 2 parts (one was not likely to occur tooth decay, pH>5.5; the other was easy to occur tooth decay), for Fruit sugar, it was from 3 minutes to 20 minutes after eating is likely to occur tooth decay, while Honey and Cane sugar were 2 minutes to 32 minutes, 4 minutes to 14 minutes, respectively.
       The implications for our dental tooth was obvious that we should not let the sugars we ate in our mouth more 3 minutes, which would result in severe tooth decay. (182 words)

Second composition 19.GIF

    The two graphs given above, presented the distributions of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995, in 6 employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.      

  In 1975, the numbers of male workers in 6 sectors (Manufacturing, Communication, Banking, ^^^ & retail trade, Public ^^^-non-defence and Public ^^^- defence) were 700 000, 300000, 420000, 700000, 840000 and 220000, respectively, while that of female workers were 300000, 230000, 120000, 540000, 640000 and 20000, respectively.   

     However, when came to 1995, situations changed a lot. The numbers of male workers in the corresponding sectors were almost the same as that in 1975, except for the Public ^^^ (defence), which showed a slight decline to 200 000. At the same time, the female workers in Manufacturing and Public ^^^ (non-defence), had a little difference between 1975 and 1995, while that of other 4 sectors increased dramatically. The numbers of female workers in Banking and Public ^^^ (defence) went up to 420000 and 100000, respectively, but were still lower than that of male workers. Nonetheless, the female workers’ numbers in Communication and ^^^ & retail trade increased steeply to 520000 and 780000, respectively, even hiher than that of male workers.     

  From the two graphs, we can see clearly that the proportions of female workers in the 4 out of 6 sectors have changed a lot, but that of male workers almost remained steady between 1975 and 1995. (230 words)


Second composition 14.GIF

      There is a general discussion in our society over the phenomenon that people spend a lot of money on their pets. Some people argued that there were some advantages living with pets, while other people regarded having a pet as a waste of money. As far as I concerned, having a pet had both advantages and disadvantages, for the following reasons.      

    On one hand, many advantages resulted in having a pet. For some old people, having a pet has become the focus of their lives and source of their happiness and entertainment after their retirement. And pets play a dramatically important role in their lonely lives. Furthermore, some workers spend a whole boring day in their company, and they are of great happiness and relaxation when they come back home and play with their pets. The people in growing numbers are like to go out for a walk with their pets after supper, and they think this meaningful life style can make their body relaxed and healthy.      

   Nonetheless, on the other hand, having a pet indeed brings about lots of disadvantages. Firstly, as said above, people in western countries spend a lot of money on their pets, and special food and medical treatment are bought for their pets. So it must be admitted that having a pet is a waste of great deal of money. According to a recent survey, people, who possess a pet, spend about 10 % of their income on the pet. Secondly, pets like dogs and cats are of great danger sometimes. A lot of  news about hurts by pets have been reported on radio and TV. Thirdly, as we all know, most pets are animals, which need to live in field and compete for their food. When people have a pet, they will settle everything down for their pets, and this changed life style of pets may inevitably bring about negative impacts on the animals’ evolution.
      

  What has been said above may be summed up in a few words. People today indeed spend too much money on pets. Having a pet has both advantages and disadvantages, and we should try our best to make good use of pets and spare no effort to reduce negative influences on our lives. (371 words)

Second composition 15.GIF

      The 20th century was a rapid developing period of many techniques and sciences. People in growing numbers are beginning to realize that the advanced technology and sciences have promoted the development of our society. As far as I concerned, transportation was the most important development, for the following reasons.     
   Take train transportation for example, the technological developments, resulted in high speeds, could bring about many advantages, which eventually change people’s lives. Firstly, the raise of speed can save the passengers a great deal of time, and then much more time and energy could be put into studying and working, which finally advanced our society. Secondly, the high speeds not only helped to meet demands of passengers but also boosted economic development in areas along the railroads. As we all know, railway is one of the most important transport means, and the high speeds can take more goods to local regions, while more local goods can be brought out immediately, especially for some vegetables and fruits, which are easy to rotten. Furthermore, for railway stations, more passengers meant more money would be bought to their department, and the workers in railway would increase incomes and more money would be used to exploit more advanced trains as well.      
   However, not all the changes were positive, the raise of speeds might bring about a lot of troubles. For example, more trains were put into use, can threaten the already severe air pollution and local areas’ environment along the railroads. Besides, more and more people complaint that the pressures of studying and working were becoming more and more serious with the fast life paces.       
   The developments of transport shorten the distant of the world. Although there are some disadvantages along with the technological developments in transport, its advantages far overweigh its disadvantages, in my opinion. We should make every effort to make good use of positive aspects of transports. (317 words)



[ 本帖最后由 wushasha 于 2007-5-6 21:47 编辑 ]

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发表于 2007-5-3 17:20:11 |显示全部楼层
1.总体觉得不错,就是字数太多了,当然练习时候,多一点到无所了,这个图信息量大

不过这个句子it showed a slight drop from 70000 A$ to 60000A$ during the first two months (July and Auguest, 1994), and then went up to 80000 A$ at the end of 1st Quarter.

went up的主语似乎不对啊

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发表于 2007-5-3 22:19:49 |显示全部楼层
谢谢楼上的兄弟,went up的主语是想说its profits! 可能有点失误,谢谢……:handshake

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Taurus金牛座 荣誉版主

发表于 2007-5-4 17:38:53 |显示全部楼层
同志你写的真快,看看主贴这次谁和你改,联系一下

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发表于 2007-5-5 09:41:21 |显示全部楼层
好的,我要5.12考试,再不写没有机会了……

[ 本帖最后由 wushasha 于 2007-5-5 20:34 编辑 ]

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发表于 2007-5-6 15:34:36 |显示全部楼层
Second composition 16.GIF
    The graph, presented in line chart, given above showed the fluctuationsof 3 Australian companies’ monthly profits form July, 1994 to June, 1995, whichwere (was) divided into 4 sections: 1stQuarter (July to September, 1994), 2nd Quarter (October to December, 1994), 3rdQuarter (January to March, 1995) and the End of Financial Year (April to June,1995).(这里说明得很好)
    As can be seen from the graph, the mothly(monthly) profits of Bransuri Motors and Curiscar Mart showed the similar trends during the period given above, so we chosethe Bransui Motors for example, to compare the performances with Acme SportsCars, which obviously is a kind of luxury goods. For Acme Sports Cars, itshowed a slight drop from 70000 A$(为什么加个A) to 60000A$ during the first two months (Julyand Auguest (August),1994), and then went up to 80000 A$ at the end of 1st Quarter. At (the)same time, profits of Bransuri Motors increased slightly from 20000 to 40000 A$ during 1st Quarter. At thebeginning of the 2nd Quarter, governmentintroduced a policy of tax on luxury goods,(不能乱用个人观点,自己猜想;观点可以有,只能有一点点在结尾,也就是对图的评论) so there was a sharpdrop of Acme Sports Cars to 10000 A$ and incresed (increased)to 60000 A$ of Bransuri Motors at the end of 2nd Quarter. When came to (In)the 3rd Quarter, the profits of the both companies stayed almost the same.Pronounced increasing trends of the both companies were appeared again (AcmeSports Cars: from 20000 to 40000 A$; Bransuri Motors: from 50000 to 60000 A$) duiring (during) the last Quarter, and this may be caused by the Media reports boost in Australian economy.
    From the graph, we can see clearly that the policy of tax on luxurygoods affects significantly the profits of the three companies, while the mediareports boost can positively promote profits. (293 words)

小结:拼写错太多,建议写完放到word里查下错;文章开头没有说时这三个公司是什么类型的公司,应是car retail industry;太多个人想法,表中没有体现出有关政府什么政策,不人自己乱加,在结尾可以写一些;字数太多,考试时没有这么多的纸给你写。
月亮掉下一我会接住它~

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发表于 2007-5-6 21:55:13 |显示全部楼层

回复 #6 灵雨离子 的帖子

首先感谢灵雨离子的修改……
1。拼写错误在第一次作文中,也出现拉,主要是我原来用的电脑,没有自动提示错误的功能,我自以为没有问题了,结果刚才我放在另一台电脑的Word上才发现错误是那么多,呵呵,下面4篇作文的错误我已经修改过了……:loveliness:
2。tax on luxury goods,这是图中标出的啊,不是我的个人之见……
3。A$应该是澳元的意思吧,如果不加上可能就会跟dollar混了!

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发表于 2007-5-7 17:15:53 |显示全部楼层
[quote]原帖由 wushasha 于 2007-5-3 16:14 发表

Second composition 17.GIF

         The graph, presented in line chart, showed the acid fluctuations produced by 3 kinds of sweet food (Fruit sugar, Cane sugar and Honey) with time elapsed after eating sugar or honey.
       As can be seen from the chart, pH levels of the 3 kinds of sugars dropped dramatically from 7 to 4.8, 4.3 and even 3, which meant the acidity increased remarkably, during the first 5 minutes after eating moment. However, there were pronounced increasing of them until 40 minutes, when pH level peaked at 7. According to the horizontal line, which divided the pH levels into 2 parts (one was not likely to occur tooth decay, pH>5.5; the other was easy to occur tooth decay), for (. For) Fruit sugar, it was from (about) 3 minutes to 20 minutes after eating (that) is likely to occur tooth decay, while Honey and Cane sugar were (about) 2 minutes to 32 minutes, 4 minutes to 14 minutes, respectively.
       The implications for our dental tooth was obvious that we should not let the sugars we ate in our mouth more 3 minutes, which would result in severe tooth decay. (182 words)

Second composition 19.GIF

    The two graphs given above, presented the distributions of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995, in 6 employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.      

  In 1975, the numbers of male workers in 6 sectors (Manufacturing, Communication, Banking, ^^^ & retail trade, Public ^^^-non-defence and Public ^^^- defence) were 700 000, 300000, 420000, 700000, 840000 and 220000, respectively, while that of female workers were 300000, 230000, 120000, 540000, 640000 and 20000, respectively.   

     However,( "However," deleted ) when came to 1995, situations changed a lot. The numbers of male workers in the corresponding sectors were almost the same as that in 1975, except for the Public ^^^ (defence), which showed a slight decline to 200 000. At the same time (deleted), the female workers in Manufacturing and Public ^^^ (non-defence), had a little difference between 1975 and 1995, while that of other 4 sectors increased dramatically. The numbers of female workers in Banking and Public ^^^ (defence) went up to 420000 and 100000, respectively, but were still lower than that of male workers. Nonetheless, the female workers’ numbers in Communication and ^^^ & retail trade increased steeply to 520000 and 780000, respectively, even hiher than that of male workers.     

  From the two graphs, we can see clearly that the proportions of female workers in the 4 out of 6 sectors have changed a lot, but that of male workers almost remained steady between 1975 and 1995. (230 words)


Second composition 14.GIF

      There is a general discussion in our society over the phenomenon that people spend a lot of money on their pets. Some people argued that there were some advantages living with pets, while other people regarded having a pet as a waste of money. As far as I concerned, having a pet had both advantages and disadvantages, for the following reasons.      

    On one hand, many advantages resulted in having a pet. For some old people, having a pet has become the focus of their lives and source of their happiness and entertainment after their retirement. And pets play a dramatically important role in their lonely lives. Furthermore, some workers spend a whole boring day in their company, and they are of great happiness and relaxation when they come back home and play with their pets. The people in growing numbers are like to go out for a walk with their pets after supper, and they think this meaningful life style can make their body relaxed and healthy.      

   Nonetheless, on the other hand, having a pet indeed brings about lots of disadvantages. Firstly, as said above, people in western countries spend a lot of money on their pets, and special food and medical treatment are bought for their pets. So it must be admitted that having a pet is a waste of great deal of money. According to a recent survey, people, who possess a pet, spend about 10 % of their income on the pet. Secondly, pets like dogs and cats are of great danger sometimes. A lot of  news about hurts by pets have been reported on radio and TV. Thirdly, as we all know, most pets are animals, which need to live in field and compete for their food. When people have a pet, they will settle everything down for their pets, and this changed life style of pets may inevitably bring about negative impacts on the animals’ evolution.
      

  What has been said above may be summed up in a few words. People today indeed spend too much money on pets. Having a pet has both advantages and disadvantages, and we should try our best to make good use of pets and spare no effort to reduce negative influences on our lives. (371 words)

Second composition 15.GIF

      The 20th century was a rapid developing period of many techniques and sciences. People in growing numbers are beginning to realize that the advanced technology and sciences have promoted the development of our society. As far as I concerned, transportation was the most important development, for the following reasons.     
   Take train transportation for example, the technological developments, resulted in high speeds, could bring about many advantages, which eventually change people’s lives. Firstly, the raise of speed can save the passengers a great deal of time, and then much more time and energy could be put into studying and working, which finally advanced our society. Secondly, the high speeds not only helped to meet demands of passengers but also boosted economic development in areas along the railroads. As we all know, railway is one of the most important transport means, and the high speeds can take more goods to local regions, while more local goods can be brought out immediately, especially for some vegetables and fruits, which are easy to rotten. Furthermore, for railway stations, more passengers meant more money would be bought to their department, and the workers in railway would increase incomes and more money would be used to exploit more advanced trains as well.      
   However, not all the changes were positive, the raise of speeds might bring about a lot of troubles. For example, more trains were put into use, can threaten the already severe air pollution and local areas’ environment along the railroads. Besides, more and more people complaint that the pressures of studying and working were becoming more and more serious with the fast life paces.       
   The developments of transport shorten the distant of the world. Although there are some disadvantages along with the technological developments in transport, its advantages far overweigh its disadvantages, in my opinion. We should make every effort to make good use of positive aspects of transports. (317 words)

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发表于 2007-5-8 11:54:59 |显示全部楼层
谢谢楼上兄弟的修改……

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RE: 六月IELTS 七分保底小组 (A类)第二次作业(完成5/5) Wushasha [修改]

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