请战友们帮小弟看一下并给点意见 (已修改，谢谢各位）

feiyue2007UID: 2306542

这是我的第十篇作文，希望各位大侠和高手们不吝赐教，小弟感激不尽。:) 有些理由是自己瞎编的，见谅，希望老美看不出来
If you were to send one thing presenting your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
Dragon, our country’s representation
Different countries have different things to represent. Kangaroos stand for Australia; eagles are the symbol of USA; and people will think Russia at the mere mention of bears. When it comes to China, there may be under debate over choosing a thing to represent it. Some claims that pandas are good choice because it is unique in China; some one prefers Great Wall on account of its long history. Combining the uniqueness of panda with the long history of the Great Wall, I recommend dragons as a symbol of our country.

As mentioned above, dragons had a long history in China. Dated back to five thousand years ago, dragons had already become popular by that time. Because of the favor of dragons by our ancestors, Chinese people are now called offspring of dragons. Basic to any understanding of the long history of China are such old dragons. Though long history that the Great wall has, it can not be compared with dragons because dragons appeared almost three thousand years earlier than did the Great Wall. Moreover, dragons are so popular that each dynasty, from Qin dynasty to Qing dynasty lasting more than two thousand years, used it as a symbol of the country. Consequently, it is bound to choose dragons to represent our country.

Addition to its long history, dragons are also as unique as pandas in China. However, dragons, in fact, do not exist in the world. Imaged by our ancestors, it is the combination of deer, snakes and eagles. Using dragons as our country’s represent is a wise choice for it is created by our ancestors and they can not be found in other country, therefore, dragons are to China what kangaroos to Australia. I am quite sure that there are no other things as a country’s symbol in China that are more appropriate than dragons. Equally unique as dragons are pandas, however, pandas, if adopt as a China’s symbol, do not have other merit that dragons enjoy. In result, prefer of dragons is much more reasonable.

The reasons of choosing dragons are not limited by those two above; however, they are the typical of numerous reasons and many others can be added. For instance, dragons are also the symbol of emperors who used to be thought as the most powerful man in the world, so it is dragons that can show how powerful and energic our country is.

From what has been discussed above, compared with other things, choosing dragons representing our country is preferable when taken into account its function of standing for China’s long history and its unique position in China. I bet that it will make China more attractive due to its special meaning to China.

[ 本帖最后由 feiyue2007 于 2007-5-6 20:15 编辑 ]

feiyue2007UID: 2306542

怎么没人啊，555555

feiyue2007UID: 2306542

upupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupupup

HelenSunUID: 2331838

美国的REPRESENTATION 是EAGLE 吗? 不是 CONDOR 吗?
我也是瞎猜的!
还有PREFER OF DRAGON 是不是可以用 PREFERRING TO DRAGON 或者
PREFERENCE FOR DRAGON 更合适一些?
我也是新兵,所以说的不到位的,或说错的请勿见怪!:loveliness:
结构还行,逻辑上还可以更清晰一些,不过LZ 好努力了.献花!

aw0406UID: 2309571

As mentioned above, dragons had a long history in China. Dated back to five thousand years ago, dragons had already become popular by that time.
这里似乎说有龙
However, dragons, in fact, do not exist in the world. Imaged by our ancestors, it is the combination of deer, snakes and eagles. Using dragons as our country’s represent is a wise choice for it is created by our ancestors and they can not be found in other country,
这里第一句说没有龙，第二句又说在别的国家找不到龙；难道在中国找得到么。

语法错误诸如 if adapt (adapted) as ;  prefer (the preference) of dragon

MagiSuUID: 2182136

Dragon, our country’s representation
Differentcountries have different things /* symbol*/ to represent. Kangaroos stand forAustralia; eagles are the symbol of USA; and people will think Russiaat the mere mention of bears. When it comes to China, there may beunder debate over choosing a thing to represent it. Some claims thatpandas are good choice because it is unique in China; some one /*remove one*/ prefers /*prefer*/Great Wall on account of its long history /*as most of the symbols you gave is animal, it is unnecessary to mention GW*/. /*here you might use a "however"*/ Combining the uniqueness ofpanda with the long history of the Great Wall, /*not logical*/ I recommend dragons as asymbol of our country.

Asmentioned above, dragons had a long history in China. Dated back tofive thousand years ago, dragons had already become popular by thattime. Because of the favor of dragons by our ancestors, Chinese peopleare now called offspring of dragons. /*this sentence should not put here, it have no connection with "long history"*/ Basic to any understanding of thelong history of China are such old dragons. Though long history thatthe Great wall has, it can not be compared with dragons because dragonsappeared almost three thousand years earlier than did the Great Wall.Moreover, dragons are so popular that each dynasty, from Qin dynasty toQing dynasty lasting more than two thousand years, used it as a symbolof the country. Consequently, it is bound to choose dragons torepresent our country./*please rewrite this paragraph, it is in a little chaos.*/

Addition toits long history, dragons are also as unique as pandas in China.However, dragons, in fact, do not exist in the world. Imaged by ourancestors, it is the combination of deer, snakes and eagles. Usingdragons as our country’s represent is a wise choice for it is createdby our ancestors and they can not be found in other country, therefore,dragons are to China what kangaroos to Australia /* a wrong analogy */. I am quite sure thatthere are no other things as a country’s symbol in China that are moreappropriate than dragons. Equally unique as dragons are pandas,however, pandas, if adopt /*adopted*/ as a China’s symbol /*the symbol of China*/, do not have other meritthat dragons enjoy. In result, prefer of dragons is much morereasonable. /* I do not know what are you talking about, I'm sorry. But Sie should try to talk in a more logical way, with one reason in one paragraph. Do not put too much parallel things together.*/

The reasonsof choosing dragons are not limited by those two above; however /*moreover*/, theyare the typical of numerous reasons and many others can be added. Forinstance, dragons are also the symbol of emperors who used to bethought as the most powerful man in the world/*mentioned in the 1st para*/, so it is dragons thatcan show how powerful and energic our country is/*TO ME: it disobey the democracy and freedom of the modern society, so I do not like that*/.

From whathas been discussed above, compared with other things, choosing dragonsrepresenting our country is preferable when taken into account itsfunction of standing for China’s long history and its unique positionin China. I bet /*do not use slangs*/ that it will make China more attractive due to itsspecial meaning to China.

MagiSuUID: 2182136

我不想做一个很刻薄的人，何况我的水平也不怎么样。但是我觉得你的作文文字很好，就是逻辑有些混乱，也许你应该至少先写一个提纲，或者就用老套路，第一句作为中心句，后面围绕第一句写。不过还是很羡慕你用复杂句的能力。

[ 本帖最后由 MagiSu 于 2007-5-6 10:30 编辑 ]

feiyue2007UID: 2306542

感谢大家的宝贵意见，经这么一改，感觉还有很多地方要努力。我会继续加油的，也希望各位战友们加油，offer 多多