寻牛人帮看看作文 是否同意在你的社区建一 shopping cenrtre

persistforUID: 2283957

The people who oppose this program argue that the new building of shopping center will definitely damage our environment as well as bring traffic jam. While compare benefit we get form the new program, the cost seems worth.

I live in a small community which is not well developed. There are so many social problems such as high unemployment, bad road condition, etc. As a result, many people move out of the community which further undermines the local economy. There is no doubt that more people will get jobs once the building is built and a number of people still can work in the shopping center as many positions such as waiters, cleaners, porters, will be provided to local people. As the building is built, the road would be repaired or else no one would like to shop here. We still can image that a lot of restaurants, gas stations will spring up to service the customers attracted by the shopping center and the local people.
However, some problems will be arise and the negative effect can not be neglect. First of all, it may lead heavy traffic jam which will serious disturb the peaceful live here. Environment containment may be another aspect that we have to handle. And the rise of house price may be accelerated. But all of these problems can be work out. With reasonable arrangement, the traffic jam can be limited at least better than now considering wilder and repaired road condition in future. The local government can locate much more money to treat the environments problem. When people can earn more money the rise of house is not a problem.
Overall, the citizen here will live in a convenient life quite different from the life here used to be. Though some problem may be caused, I would like to live in a modern community at such a little cost.

lintelleUID: 2297267

语法还是挺不错的，看得出来下过一番苦功。长短句懂得有机结合，这点特别让我赞赏。
句式存储还是不够，作文因为某个单词某个句式经常使用而不够美观。一些连接词如果能多背点同义词也会美化你的作文。
在论证方面有点薄弱了。正反对比的手法，理论上可以，实际写起来却不如三段论证深入透彻，说服力强。版上有不少已修改的作文，你也可以去看看，再着重注意一下逻辑、构架方面的评论，只要看两三篇，相信就会知道怎么做论证比较有力了。
首尾段再漂亮一点，比其他任何方法都容易提高你的分数哦~

persistforUID: 2283957

谢了.