Issue51【0710G 五一互助小组】第1次作业 by独孤求败

tengda89757UID: 2327455

【题目】Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student。
第二次写issue（第一次写的也是这一篇并且让学长改过），上机敲还是有些不习惯，低级错误百出。请大家尽情拍！
时间：1：30   字数：570

In the modern world, a host of students suffer from what they are learning, because the contemporary education system which takes into consideration the most persons' feelings, is processing a counterproductive effect on them. At the same time, the speaker asserts that educational should be specially designed, which I can't totally agree with, in accordance to the current situation of universities and negative effects of such contention.

    Above all, what seems unpleasant is that there exist various difficulties to implement the speaker's imaginary education system. To begin with, it is impossible to clearly make a survey of all students’ needs and interests, which varies from one another, from common disciplines such as calculus, art, literature etc. to bizarre ones as culture of ancient Asia music, Chinese augury, even the exploration of Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter series, which sounds ridiculous even are not heard at all. So is conceivable lacking of teachers to give lectures on this subject. "Man born free." Will universities resolve to eliminate these disciplines that only a small numbers of people participate in? Probably not. So it is destined to a resource waste. Even if teachers are provided, how to obviate schedule conflicts will indeed be a tormenting problem. Putting these together, it is impossible to undertake such an educational project in the current situation.

    Secondly, the author gives an obscure statement of “truly effective", which, in my view, can be manifested by how well the application of knowledge learned in concrete occupation, or further research. Besides, it is presumptuous to judge whether an educational system destined to provide specialists is efficient merely according to the degree of specialization of it. In the present time, disciplines are much more complicated and interrelated. For instance, biology engineering, which perfectly combines fields of computer science, mathematics, chemistry, biology, etc., has been prevailing for more than 30 years. This trend of "globalization" in kinds of subjects seems to require the versatile, at least ones who integrate some of the fields. At this point, excessively specialized educational system is doomed to fall.

   From ancient times to now, various examples conveys this opinion that comprehensive arranges of knowledge better serves one's career. Ordinarily, the erudite perceives things from diverse angles, then concludes those into one, and that's the reason why their meditation always precedes their peers (although typically leading to misinterpretation) and their contemporary world, even critics."In Aristotle, the great humanist and the great man of science meet. “Aristotle, whose epoch-making works dominated European ideology for over a thousand years, is one of the most outstanding erudite figures in history. Dan Brown, whose father is a mathematics professor, mother a religious researcher, created 'the Da Vinci Code’, the best seller in recent years, a perfect mixture of religion and science. I believe they acquired their knowledge not merely from needs and interests of their own, but from pressure outside. By contrast, some of my friends who allow themselves to only read books they show great affection for, even fail to choose extracurricular because they lack the appreciation of such disciplines, where, however, negative effect of specially designed education emerges.

      In conclusion, as long as negative effects are far more profound than positive ones, and current situation constrains the speaker's imaginary system of education, model of education won't change. At the same time, notwithstanding, I suggest more kinds of extracurricular and lectures on introduction to them should be supplied. So, excessively specialized educational system are prevented; well-organized system, recommended.


Any help is appreciated!!!!!!!!

[ 本帖最后由 tengda89757 于 2007-5-16 19:37 编辑 ]

ruczephyrUID: 2181202

In the modern world, a host of students suffer from what they are learning, because the contemporary education system which takes into consideration the most persons' feelings, is processing a counterproductive effect on them. 前面说suffer这里说counterproductive到底都没有说出对学生到底是有什么不好的影响。让别人看了会很糊涂。At the same time, the speaker asserts that educational should be specially designed, which I can't totally agree with不同意，那你的观点是什么？, in accordance to the current situation of universities and negative effects of such contention.开头不要只说背景和说作者的不好，不把自己的观点鲜明的亮出来很难让读者信服。

    Above all, what seems unpleasant is that there exist various difficulties to implement 语法问题 the speaker's imaginary education system.issue和arg不同，用这种作者什么什么地方不好来做TS很不恰当，毕竟issue要是自己的东西。 To begin with, it is impossible to clearly make a survey of all students’ needs and interests, which varies from one another, from common disciplines such as calculus, art, literature etc. to bizarre ones as culture of ancient Asia music, Chinese augury, even the exploration of Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter series, which sounds ridiculous even are not heard at all.没有必要列举这么多吧。So主语？ is conceivable lacking of teachers to give lectures on this subject. "Man born free." 在这是啥意思？没看明白Will universities resolve to eliminate these disciplines that only a small numbers of people participate in? Probably not. So it is destined to 动词？a resource waste. Even if teachers are provided, how to obviate schedule conflicts will indeed be a tormenting problem. Putting these together, it is impossible to undertake such an educational project in the current situation.

    Secondly, the author gives an obscure statement of “truly effective", which, in my view, can be manifested by how well the application of knowledge learned in concrete occupation, or further research. Besides, it is presumptuous to judge whether an educational system destined to provide specialists is efficient merely according to the degree of specialization of it. In the present time, disciplines are much more complicated and interrelated. For instance, biology engineering, which perfectly combines fields of computer science, mathematics, chemistry, biology, etc., has been prevailing for more than 30 years. This trend of "globalization" in kinds of subjects seems to require the versatile, at least ones who integrate some of the fields. At this point, excessively specialized educational system is doomed to fall.感觉这里偏了，题目的意思是满足学生的需要和兴趣，与专才和通才的论题还是有很大差别的。

   From ancient times to now, various examples conveys this opinion that comprehensive arranges of knowledge better serves one's career.看了半天怎么感觉TS和后面的段落对不上号啊，而且这个TS也太大了吧，有很模糊的感觉。 Ordinarily, the erudite perceives things from diverse angles, then concludes those into one, and that's the reason why their meditation always precedes their peers (although typically leading to misinterpretation) and their contemporary world, even critics."In Aristotle, the great humanist and the great man of science meet. “Aristotle, whose epoch-making works dominated European ideology for over a thousand years, is one of the most outstanding erudite figures in history. Dan Brown, whose father is a mathematics professor, mother a religious researcher, created 'the Da Vinci Code’, the best seller in recent years, a perfect mixture of religion and science. I believe they acquired their knowledge not merely from needs and interests of their own, but from pressure outside. By contrast, some of my friends who allow themselves to only read books they show great affection for, even fail to choose extracurricular because they lack the appreciation of such disciplines, where, however, negative effect of specially designed education emerges.整段包括那几个例子，语言虽然不错，但是感觉唯一只有蓝色的一句和主题比较有关联，如果不看这一句会让人摸不着头脑的感觉，而且最后的例子做的也比较草率，没有论证透彻。

      In conclusion, as long as negative effects are far more profound than positive ones, and current situation constrains the speaker's imaginary system of education, model of education won't change. At the same time, notwithstanding, I suggest more kinds of extracurricular and lectures on introduction to them should be supplied. So, excessively specialized educational system are prevented; well-organized system, recommended.

感觉最大的问题就是很多论证都是很表面的论证，没有深入到问题的本质的层面上，如果这样万一思路不是太清晰的话就很容易言不对题了。

有时间拍一下我的，thx

tengda89757UID: 2327455

谢谢水晶帮我批改作文，我还写了一篇argu不知能否再帮我改一下，我本来就觉的自己在issue上只有语言关过了，在思想深度和论证手法上差得远，而且第一次写的argu竟然跟issue刚好是相反的--argu说自己的观点，issue反驳别人的。我今天晚上回宿舍後再修改你的作文吧，再次感谢牛人帮助！！！！！