Argument147 【0710G 五一互助小组】第一次作业

zhoumaye425UID: 2262458

147. The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
尽管Whirlwind游戏公司的游戏销量在过去两年中下降了，最近一次对于电子游戏玩家的调查显示这种销售趋势可能会逆转。该调查询问游戏玩家对于一个游戏来说他们所认为的最重要特征是什么。根据调查结果，玩家倾向于那些需要最先进的电脑的，具有活灵活现图象的游戏。Whirlwind刚刚面向10－25岁的人群开展了大力的广告活动来推广若干此类游戏，10－25岁是最喜欢玩游戏的年龄层。这说明Whirlwind公司的游戏销量将会在未来几个月中猛增。


1．喜欢不一定买； 游戏包括思想主题，设计，声效等众多因素
2．调查是否针对10-25;10-25最喜欢没数据，只是假设；买还需要购买力；通常10几岁要靠父母买，而父母要控制游戏
3．市场如何，是否萧条；是否有强力同类竞争；

In this argument, the author concludes that Whirlwind video games will have a good sales trend. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.

First of all, besides the lifelike graphics, there are also many other factors determining whether customers will buy the game. The lifelike graphics is thought to be the most important one by the customers but not the only one. For instance, a Role Play Game can never have a good sale if it can’t provide a colorful story. Therefore, to evaluate how well can it be sold, the company should also take other factor into consideration.

Secondly, the sample of the survey is vague. Given the company make the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the result of the survey will have little meanings if the people asked are mostly out of the range of 10 to 25 years old. Whether the age-group is mostly likely to play video games is only the hypothesis which has no evidence to support. Even if they are and the informants are in the right age-group, it can’t count. Carrying out the extensive advertisement makes the price go higher than it should be. As the argument mentioned, the video games require the most up-to-date computers which is another addition to the expenditure of playing game. 10-year-old or little older children have no economic incomings. So they have to ask their parents for the money, if they want to buy the game. Parents, however, willrestrain their children from playing games, or not advocate at least, let alone the high price. For youth around 25, their incomings can’t afford to buy the video game, either, because of the steep price. That is, not everyone who thinks the game is good will buy the game.

Thirdly, Whirlwind of course is not the only company that deals in selling video games. There are also many competent companies introducing the same style video game existing. Whirlwind has to share the market with the others or even be eclipsed by its opponent. Another question is that all of them are hard to increase their sales of the games if the whole market is during depression right now.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, more particular investigation and an analysis of details why the sales declined over the past two years should be carried out.

ruczephyrUID: 2181202

In this argument, the author concludes that Whirlwind video games will have a good sales trend. At first glance, 作者的根据？the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.

First of all, besides the lifelike graphics, there are also many other factors determining whether customers will buy the game. TS没有和题目紧密联系The lifelike graphics is thought to be the most important one by the customers but not the only one. For instance, a Role Play Game can never have a good sale if it can’t provide a colorful story. Therefore, to evaluate how well can it be sold, the company should also take other factor into consideration.感觉这一段太单薄了，每两句话之间都好象都很大的跨度，这样并没有作到深刻分析。

Secondly, the sample of the survey is vague,so？. Given the company make the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old,survey和advertising campaign好象不是一个错误吧 the result of the survey will have little meanings if the people asked are mostly out of the range of 10 to 25 years old. Whether the age-group is mostly likely to play video games is only the hypothesis which has no evidence to support. Even if they are and the informants are in the right age-group, it can’t count. Carrying out the extensive advertisement makes the price go higher than it should be.题目只说提高销售量，并没有研究赢利情况。 As the argument mentioned, the video games require the most up-to-date computers which is another addition to the expenditure of playing game. 10-year-old or little older children have no economic incomings. So they have to ask their parents for the money, if they want to buy the game. Parents, however, willrestrain their children from playing games, or not advocate at least, let alone the high price. For youth around 25, their incomings can’t afford to buy the video game, either, because of the steep price. 这里完全没有必要说的那么细，这种程度并不能说是深刻，反而会显的罗嗦。That is, not everyone who thinks the game is good will buy the game.这一段把两个错误给混杂在一起了，逻辑上感觉有点乱了。

Thirdly, Whirlwind of course is not the only company that deals in selling video games，so？. There are also many competent companies introducing the same style video game existing. Whirlwind has to share the market with the others or even be eclipsed by its opponent. Another question is that all of them are hard to increase their sales of the games if the whole market is during depression right now.这一段的TS好象通领不到这一句吧，整段也是单薄了，虽然说小错误可以一笔带过，但是也要提供足够证据来让人信服。

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, more particular investigation and an analysis of details why the sales declined over the past two years should be carried out.

比较突出的一个问题是TS里面没有自己的观点，这个很重要。
有时间拍一下我的，thx

布兜兜UID: 2253272

In this argument, the author concludes that Whirlwind video games will have a good sales trend. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.（没说作者得出结论的理由）

First of all, besides the lifelike graphics, there are also many other factors determining whether customers will buy the game. The lifelike graphics is thought to be the most important one by the customers but not the only one. For instance, a Role Play Game can never have a good sale if it can’t provide a colorful story. （例子不当）Therefore, to evaluate how well can it be sold, the company should also take other factor into consideration.（得出结论有点快了，而且感觉有点跑题）

Secondly, the sample of the survey is vague. Given the company make the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the result of the survey will have little meanings if the people asked are mostly out of the range of 10 to 25 years old. Whether the age-group is mostly likely to play video games is only the hypothesis which has no evidence to support.（来个结句，然后后面另起一段是否会比较好） Even if they are and the informants are in the right age-group, it can’t count. Carrying out the extensive advertisement makes the price go higher than it should be. As the argument mentioned, the video games require the most up-to-date computers which is another addition to the expenditure of playing game. 10-year-old or little older children have no economic incomings. So they have to ask their parents for the money, if they want to buy the game. Parents, however, will restrain their children from playing games, or not advocate at least, let alone the high price. For youth around 25, their incomings can’t afford to buy the video game, either, because of the steep price. That is, not everyone who thinks the game is good will buy the game.结论和前面的论证不是很搭配

Thirdly, Whirlwind of course is not the only company that deals in selling video games. There are also many competent companies introducing the same style video game existing. Whirlwind has to share the market with the others or even be eclipsed by its opponent. Another question is that all of them are hard to increase their sales of the games if the whole market is during depression right now. 和上段一样，another后面另起一段比较合适。
In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, more particular investigation and an analysis of details why the sales declined over the past two years should be carried out.

给人感觉结构有点混乱>< 有些内容不用都放在一段里写
欢迎回拍，谢><

[ 本帖最后由 布兜兜 于 2007-5-19 20:52 编辑 ]

boylittleUID: 2304303

In this argument, the author concludes that Whirlwind video games will have a good sales trend. At first glance, （重述题目的证据和假设）the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning（语言重复，用it吧）, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.

First of all, besides the lifelike graphics, there are also many other factors determining whether customers will buy the game. The lifelike graphics is thought to be the most important one by the customers but not the only one. For instance, a Role Play Game can never have a good sale if it can’t provide a colorful story. Therefore, to evaluate how well can it be sold, the company should also take other factors into consideration.

Secondly, the sample of the survey is vague. Given the company make the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the result of the survey will have little meanings if the people asked are mostly out of the range of 10 to 25 years old. Whether the age-group is mostly likely to play video games is only the hypothesis which has no evidence to support. Even if they are and the informants are in the right age-group, it can’t count. Carrying out the extensive advertisement makes the price go higher than it should be. As the argument mentioned, the video games require the most up-to-date computers which is another addition to the expenditure of playing game. 10-year-old or little older children have no economic income. So they have to ask their parents for the money, if they want to buy the game. Parents, however, will restrain their children from playing games, or not advocate at least, let alone the high price. For youth around 25, their incomings can’t afford to buy the video game, either, because of the steep price. That is, not everyone who thinks the game is good will buy the game.
Thirdly, Whirlwind , of course,(作为插入语) is not the only company that deals in （selling） video games. There are also many competent companies introducing video games of the same style existing. Whirlwind has to share the market with the others or even be eclipsed by its opponent. Another question is that all of them are hard to increase their sales of the games if the whole market is during depression right now.  Perhaps, the situation of declining sales in video games by Whirlwind may result from the whole market is during depression in recent years

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, more particular investigation and an analysis of details why the sales declined over the past two years should be carried out.




这篇文章水晶改得很细了  我主要改改语法吧

[ 本帖最后由 boylittle 于 2007-5-19 22:52 编辑 ]

antareslee2005UID: 2258433

有点看不下去

zhoumaye425UID: 2262458

我刚开始准备作文 第一次写 谢谢大家这么认真的帮我改啊 有时间必回拍！！