Argument147 [0710G五一互助小组]第一次作业

candyylyUID: 2307493

Argument 147
提纲及分析：
前提：关于10到25岁最可能玩电游，没有数字，没有根据，因此无法让人信服的。Whirlwind video games可能会卖得好，由于具备玩家们认为最重要的特点之一，有生动动画的游戏，但并不表示生动了他们就一定会买。因为游戏还有其他特点，比如类型、主题的吸引力，音响效果等。如果光有技术，思想不足，也不一定卖得好。而且他没有具体说明用的是什么技术，我们无法认同是否存在判断失误。 论据：广告针对10-25岁人群，但调查对象却不完全是，这两者可能存在偏差，两者的爱好可能并不一致啊。 结论：尽管Whirlwind video games吸引人，可能整体经济萧条，或整个市场不好，也会影响人们对它的消费。

正文：
The argument indicated a possible relationship between introducing several video games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old and the sales of Whirlwind video games. However, the conclusion that “the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months” is premature.
Firstly, the assumption that people who are 10 to 25 years old belong to the age-group most likely to play video games is unreasonable. There are no data or evidence to support the statement in this argument. Furthermore, the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, who maybe very different from the objects taking part in the survey. The features of video games liked by the players may not satisfy the people 10 to 25 years old. In other words, it is entirely possible that the people 10 to 25 years old are not the real potential consumers who prefer games that provided lifelike graphics.
Secondly, although Whirlwind has introduced several games with the feature that is most important in a video game, it doesn’t indicate that these players must buy them. Because there are many other features of video games, such as the type of the games, the theme of the games, the sound of the games and the feelings brought by playing games. If it only emphasizes the technology of providing lifelike graphics and ignores other necessary features, especially of the good innovation ideas that can attract many players’ attention, the sales of Whirlwind video games will not increase dramatically. In addiction, the argument doesn’t specifically demonstrate what technology adopted by Whirlwind and the effectiveness of the technology. Therefore, it is difficult for us to believe the objectiveness and correctness of its judgments. There is still an important factor should not be ignored. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Therefore, video games players will not buy new video games if their computers are not the most up-to-date, even though Whirlwind video games actually have such good features.
Finally, the general state of the economy might have affected the sales of video games, obviously including the Whirlwind video games. That’s to say, another important thing to be considered is the relative cost of buying new video games to the current standard of living. If the general economy is on the recession and the standard of living is decreasing, it may contribute to an overall decrease in the sales of video games. Considering the financial anxieties, people may prefer other entertainment activity with lower cost to video games. In that case, an extensive advertising campaign could not be very helpful.
From what have been mentioned above, it is obvious that there is not enough reasons to show the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months just through an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. At least, much more specific survey about video games players should be made. The multiple features of video games should be analyzed and the general state economy should be considered.

cy23UID: 2310318

The argument indicated a possible relationship between introducing several video games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old and the sales of Whirlwind video games. However, the conclusion that “the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months” is premature. 是不是最好别这样直接引用，改为转述好些吧
Firstly, the assumption that people who are 10 to 25 years old belong to the age-group most likely to play video games is unreasonable. There are no data or evidence to support the statement in this argument. Furthermore, the extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, who maybe是不是may be 呢？very different from the objects taking part in the survey. The features of video games liked by the players may not satisfy the people 10 to 25 years old. In other words, it is entirely possible that the people 10 to 25 years old are not the real potential consumers who prefer games that provided（provide） lifelike graphics.（找被调查者和被广告者的不同，较好）
Secondly, although Whirlwind has introduced several games with the feature that is most important in a video game, it doesn’t (最好不用doesn’t用dose not 因为根据新东方老师说的正式文体不这样用，比如can’t 最好改为cannot) indicate that these players must buy them. Because there are many other features of video games, such as the type of the games, the theme of the games, the sound of the games and the feelings brought by playing games. If it only emphasizes the technology of providing lifelike graphics and ignores other necessary features, especially of the good innovation （innovative） ideas that can attract many players’ attention, the sales of Whirlwind video games will not increase dramatically. In addiction, the argument doesn’t specifically demonstrate what technology adopted by Whirlwind and the effectiveness of the technology. Therefore, it is difficult for us to believe the objectiveness and correctness of its judgments. There is still an important factor (加that) should not be ignored. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Therefore, video games players will not buy new video games if their computers are not the most up-to-date, even though Whirlwind video games actually have such good features.（这个错也找的不错，尤其是最后一句的理由我觉得很好）
Finally, the general state of the economy might have affected the sales of video games, obviously including the Whirlwind video games. That’s（That is） to say, another important thing to be considered is the relative cost of buying new video games to the current standard of living. If the general economy is on the recession and the standard of living is decreasing, it may contribute to an overall decrease in the sales of video games. Considering the financial anxieties, people may prefer other entertainment activity with lower cost to video games. In that case, an extensive advertising campaign could not be very helpful.
From what have been mentioned above, it is obvious that there is not enough reasons to show the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months just through an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. At least, much more specific survey about video games players should be made. The multiple features of video games should be analyzed and the general state economy should be considered.
(我觉得开头和结尾都不错，整体结构也比较清晰，只是细节要加强些，还有我感觉似乎第三个错误应该是主要的，也就是做广告与销售量增加这对因果关系 附：个人意见，仅供参考，欢迎讨论。)