Issue154 【0710G 五一互助小组】第二次作业 by 独孤求败

tengda89757UID: 2327455

字数：612  时间1：20 第二篇issue，大家使劲拍！！！！！！！！！

In this issue, the speaker asserts that the field of education should not merely dominated by professional educators, while parents and communities must take their responsibility to help to well educate the children. Notwithstanding, in my view, I hold that unlike educationists and communities, parents-participating educational system has much more deficits than merits, while the other two are qualified to be involved in education.

Above all, parents are pushing their kids too far to lead them to a bright future. In comparison with teachers and community leaders, who prepare the students for a lot of skills for both theory and career, parents, to some extent, are extraordinarily realistic, in the fear that their children will fall behind their peers. What is more ridiculous is that parents lack the appreciation of what "education" truly is, only to realize what "elite education" is. In turn, kids are compelled to take part in the disciplines as law, economy, computer science, which can bring about great fortune instead of broadening their horizon, developing their observation of everything around them and increasing their analytical ability, rather than humanities. In a not dissimilar way, a host of parents are eager to explore the private life of their sons and daughters, constantly interfering the normal process of juvenile maturation, although kind-hearted, that kind of action has generated great amount of juvenile delinquency in order to eliminate ephemerally the pressure from home and school such as drug use, raping and so on. Taking into consideration what else would be brought about when parents are involved in education, though hard to imagine, it is certain that parents must be prevented instead be introduced in educational system.

On the other hand, communities which can take students into a world--the real society, that they, sooner or later, will participate in can take the advantages to well prepare the kids for social skills as well as other virtues. Every so often, activities are provided for them in their leisure time. Instead of staying in libraries all day long, kids are more likely to attend these activities, where they meet more people: young and old, workers, the retired, leaders in various companies, people who are still struggling for bread, and so forth, other than merely their peers. It is in these activities that a great many communications appear, through which students can learn from material schools fail to offer, make a deeper observation of what the society really is, and even more put the theories in books into application. Just as one of professors in Computer Science college in my university said ( and I paraphrase) : "Most students nowadays are striving for grades rather than practical use, that is why they spend a large amount of time reading books but learn nothing except for cramming. " So in my belief, the participation of communities will indeed be of great efficiency for students who can catch the hold of excellent opportunities to apply their knowledge into practical use. What can be even more paramount is that through work especially failures in application can people gradually acquire virtues of humanity. For instance, prudence and composure can be acquired through prediction that some dangers or difficulties is coming up; temperance and abstinence though the rational usage of resource; morality and justice through helping the poor and the old. As is discussed, communities can bring forth much more advantages than one can imagine.

In conclusion, Education is complex enough that only referring to a group of professional educators is not sufficient. In order to well educate children, promising them a bright future, parents must be isolated from educational system while educationists and communities are recommended to make the complacency for each other.

请拍砖，thx！！！！！

ruczephyrUID: 2181202

简单看了一下..比上一篇有很大的进步,不过问题和ARG一样,不要拽太多太长太晦涩的句子.把事情说明白最重要.在逻辑上也有一些思维断层的存在.
看着的确很费劲..就不细改了..个人觉得闪光的句子并不是堆积大量GRE高深的词汇可以做出来的,而是用最平常的词语表达最深刻最insight也最生动的想法的句子

[ 本帖最后由 ruczephyr 于 2007-5-25 11:42 编辑 ]

gluttonUID: 2330210

In this issue, the speaker asserts that the field of education should not merely dominated by professional educators, while parents and communities must take their responsibility to help to well educate the children. Notwithstanding, in my view, I hold that unlike educationists and communities, parents-participating educational system has much more deficits than merits, while the other two are qualified to be involved in education.

Above all, parents are pushing their kids too far to lead them to a bright future. In comparison with teachers and community leaders, who prepare the students for a lot of skills for both theory and career, parents, to some extent, are extraordinarily realistic, in the fear that their children will fall behind their peers.(感觉这里和后面有点衔接不上， fear fall behind peers 的后果造成了什么，) What is more ridiculous is that parents lack the appreciation of what "education" truly is, only to realize what "elite education" is. In turn, kids are compelled to take part in the disciplines as law, economy, computer science, which can bring about great fortune instead of broadening their horizon, developing their observation of everything around them and increasing their analytical ability, rather than humanities. In a not dissimilar way, a host of parents are eager to explore the private life of their sons and daughters, constantly interfering the normal process of juvenile maturation, although kind-hearted, that kind of action has generated great amount of juvenile delinquency in order to（ eliminate ephemerally the pressure from home and school such as drug use, raping and so on.）这句的后半部分看的不是太懂 Taking into consideration what else would be brought about when parents are involved in education, though hard to imagine, it is certain that parents must be prevented instead be introduced in educational system.

On the other hand, communities which can take students into a world--the real society, that they, sooner or later, will participate in can take the advantages to well prepare the kids for social skills as well as other virtues. Every so often, activities are provided for them in their leisure time. Instead of staying in libraries all day long, kids are more likely to attend these activities, where they meet more people: young and old, workers, the retired, leaders in various companies, people who are still struggling for bread, and so forth, other than merely their peers. It is in these activities that a great many communications appear, through which students can learn from material schools fail to offer, make a deeper observation of what the society really is, and even more put the theories in books into application. Just as one of professors in Computer Science college in my university said ( and I paraphrase) : "Most students nowadays are striving for grades rather than practical use, that is why they spend a large amount of time reading books but learn nothing except for cramming. " So in my belief, the participation of communities will indeed be of great efficiency for students who can catch the hold of excellent opportunities to apply their knowledge into practical use. What can be even more paramount is that through work especially failures in application can people gradually acquire virtues of humanity. For instance, prudence and composure can be acquired through prediction that some dangers or difficulties is coming up; temperance and abstinence though the rational usage of resource; morality and justice through helping the poor and the old. As is discussed, communities can bring forth much more advantages than one can imagine.（这一段感觉自己基本上没什么意见，论证比较到位）

In conclusion, Education is complex enough that only referring to a group of professional educators is not sufficient. In order to well educate children, promising them a bright future, parents must be isolated from educational system while educationists and communities are recommended to make the complacency for each other.


总体感觉还不错，比较有说服力，感觉长句不必要太多，稍微简练一点或许好一些

piemsUID: 2245566

First of all, good writer! Keep on!

In this issue, the speaker asserts that the field of education should not merely dominated by professional educators, while parents and communities must take their responsibility to help to well educate the children. Notwithstanding, in my view, I hold that unlike educationists and communities, parents-participating educational system has much more deficits than merits, while the other two are qualified to be involved in education.

Above all, parents are pushing their kids too far to lead them to a bright future. In comparison with teachers and community leaders, who prepare the students for a lot of skills for both theory and career, parents, to some extent, are extraordinarily realistic, in the fear that their children will fall behind their peers. What is more ridiculous is that parents lack the appreciation of what "education" truly is, only to realize what "elite education" is. In turn, kids are compelled to take part in the disciplines as law, economy, computer science, which can bring about great fortune instead of broadening their horizon, developing their observation of everything around them and increasing their analytical ability, rather than humanities. In a not dissimilar way, a host of parents are eager to explore the private life of their sons and daughters, constantly interfering the normal process of juvenile maturation, although kind-hearted, that kind of action has generated great amount of juvenile delinquency in order to eliminate ephemerally the pressure from home and school such as drug use, raping and so on. Taking into consideration what else would be brought about when parents are involved in education, though hard to imagine, it is certain that parents must be prevented instead be introduced in educational system.（很精彩，用词地道，不过最后一句的主语不对，你肯定知道：）

On the other hand, communities which can take students into a world--the real society, that they, sooner or later, will participate in can take the advantages to well prepare the kids for social skills as well as other virtues(Who can take the advantages of what?).Every so often, activities are provided for them in their leisure time. Instead of staying in libraries all day long, kids are more likely to attend these activities, where they meet more people: young and old, workers, the retired, leaders in various companies, people who are still struggling for bread, and so forth, other than merely their peers. It is in these activities that a great many communications appear, through which students can learn from material schools fail to offer, make a deeper observation of what the society really is, and even more put the theories in books into application. Just as one of professors in Computer Science college in my university said ( and I paraphrase) : "Most students nowadays are striving for grades rather than practical use, that is why they spend a large amount of time reading books but learn nothing except for cramming(时态觉得不对，你再考虑，特别是learn nothing). " So in my belief, the participation of communities will indeed be of great efficiency for students who can catch the hold of excellent opportunities to apply their knowledge into practical use. What can be even more paramount is that through work especially failures in application can people gradually acquire virtues of humanity. For instance, prudence and composure can be acquired through prediction that some dangers or difficulties is coming up; temperance and abstinence though the rational usage of resource; morality and justice through helping the poor and the old. As is discussed, communities can bring forth much more advantages than one can imagine.

In conclusion, Education is complex enough that only referring to a group of professional educators is not sufficient. In order to well educate children, promising them a bright future, parents must be isolated from educational system while educationists and communities are recommended to make the complacency for each other.

Long a great time reading your essay! Fantastic!

[ 本帖最后由 piems 于 2007-5-27 12:58 编辑 ]