argument140【0710G 五一互助小组】第2次作业

gluttonUID: 2330210

140The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

  The arguer claim that we should give Professor Thomas a raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson due to his teaching and research abilities, for fearing that Professor Tomas will leave Elm City for another college. The argument seems logical, somehow, to some extent, it is not the case.
  
  First and most important, we can not assume that Professor Thomas will not leave Elm City University even though we give him a sarlary raise and a promotion. There are lots of other factors that may intice Professor Thomas going to another college.  As we know, we all want to fullfill our self-value and goals during our life time, and money and promotion are not the pursuit of all people. It is possible that Thomas's life time goal is to make some breakpoint of the field that she reseached in. And another college have much better research enviroment and faciliate more developed instrument for researching. It is much easier for her to make some contributions in her research field in another college than in Elm City University. Therefore she may go to another college even though his salary and status are lower there than in Elm City.

   Secondly, the fact that Professor Thomas demonstrating excellent teaching and research abilities does not neccessarily mean that she deserve the raise and promotion. She may be not suit for the Department Chairperson, for there is not evidence in the argument shows that she has such ability and will be competence for the position in Department Chairperson.In addition, her research potential can be questioned based on the fact that the research fund she brought just exceeded her salary. We do not know exactly the number of the research fund she brought, it may be rather low compared to other professors in our college. Then her research ability may be below the average level of the Elm City University.

  Finally, having the largest classes do not mean that she is very popular amony students. Maybe it is because there are not enough teachers in the univercity to teach the course that she teaches. So the univercity put more students in one class. And no surveys related to investigate the teachers popularity conducted in the campus. So we can not rush into the conclusion that Professor Tomas is popular among students.
  
  In conclusion, the argument for recomending giving professor Thomas a raise and a promotion is fallacious as mentioned above. To better modify the argument we should more carefully value the teaching and researching abilities of Tomas and be sure that Tomas will stay in our univercity if we give him a raise and promotion.

[ 本帖最后由 glutton 于 2007-5-25 17:32 编辑 ]

tengda89757UID: 2327455

The arguer claim that we should give Professor Thomas a raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson due to his teaching and research abilities, for fearing that Professor Tomas will leave Elm City for another college. The argument seems logical, somehow, to some extent, it is not the case.
  
  First and most important, we can not assume that Professor Thomas will not leave Elm City University even though we give him a sarlary raise and a promotion. There are lots of other factors that may intice Professor Thomas going to another college.  As we know这句一般来说不推荐用，因为纯属废话，可以用 we share a belief that替换, we all want to fullfill our self-value and goals during our life time, and money and promotion are not the pursuit of all people. It is possible that Thomas's life time goal is to make some breakpoint of the field that she reseached in. 【And another college have much better research enviroment and faciliate more developed instrument for researching. It is much easier for her to make some contributions in her research field in another这里再用another不太好，建议用that替换 college than in Elm City University.】 这两句前面一句是假设，应该用if结构 Therefore she may go to another college even though his salary and status are lower there than in Elm City.

   Secondly, the fact that Professor Thomas demonstrating excellent teaching and research abilities does not neccessarily mean that she deserve the raise and promotion. She may be not suit for the Department Chairperson, for there is not evidence in the argument shows that she has such ability and will be competence for the position in Department Chairperson.这里只写出有缺少能力，而没具体分析具体是哪些能力，难以使人信服，应该展开写In addition, her research potential can be questioned based on the fact that the research fund she brought just exceeded her salary. We do not know exactly the number of the research fund she brought, it may be rather lowlower compared to other professors in our college. Then her research ability may be below the average level of the Elm City University.

  Finally, having the largest classes do not mean that she is very popular amony students. Maybe it is because there are not enough teachers in the univercity to teach the course that she teaches.语意重复 So the univercity put more students in one class. And no surveys related to investigate the teachers popularity conducted in the campus. So we can not rush into the conclusion that Professor Tomas is popular among students.这段仍然没有先深入分析逻辑错误，就直接指出可能存在的问题，因此论证不是很到位
  
  In conclusion, the argument for recomending giving professor Thomas a raise and a promotion is fallacious as mentioned above. To better modify the argument we should more carefully value the teaching and researching abilities of Tomas and be sure that Tomas will stay in our univercity if we give him a raise and promotion.
总体来说这篇argument写得不错，拼写错误跟语法错误还是存在的，由于时间关系我没一一改出，有时间看看GMAT语法，再就是用了太多的may跟maybe，作者应该在句式和用词多样性方面多下功夫。还要多看ETS范文。在标准三段论中应该将每一段的字数写的差不多，并具体指出错误深入分析，只有这样字数才能突破500。还有文章应该有一个长句子增加文采，这应该也是得分点之一。总之多看范文，多总结！
---------------------------by 独孤求败