issue154『五一互助小组』第二次作业 by 剪刀石头布

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“Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.”

In order to give children a good environment to study, parents, communities and professional educators should work together to make the education effectively. Without anyone case, the education will take as a man walking with only one leg.

Both parents and communities play an important role in education. As an old saying goes,” Parents are children’s first teachers”. Not only should the parents be the children’s teachers before the children go to school, but also after children go to school. Before children go to school, they stay with their parents all day, and parents make a important effect to their children. After children go to school, although they have to leave their parents in the daytime, there is still enough time they stay together. The parents’ thinking effect the children’s thinking, as the same as active. If the parents do things hard and carefully, the children will be hard and carefully in their study. On the contrary, if the parents are lazy and careless in their life, their children must be fooling around in their study. In a word, parents take a very important part in children’s education and the form of children’s characters.

Besides, communities are also important. It can be easy proved that the children live in a community which fills with violence and bloodiness must be lack of safe, which make him violent and cold-blood. He won’t trust anybody, including his teachers and classmates. So the children will become hard to education, and it is do great harm to them. On the other hand, if the children live in a peaceful and beautiful community, that means they live in a health and peaceful environment, they could become friendly and kind. Thus both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools to promote the education.

Parents and communities must relate with professional educators to promotion the education. Although parents are very important in education, they are lack of professional education knowledge. They should have a good communication with educators on how to education the children well. Also the parents should provide the children a good and health community. In that way, the educators have professional knowledge and the parents know the children very well, and community is the environment children living and studying. The three cases effect each other, and they three effect the children’s education together.

Our common aim is giving the children good education. For this purpose, parents should be involved in schools as well as the communities. They must work together with professor educators to give the children a health environment to grow and be education.
  



[ 本帖最后由 为了忘记 于 2007-5-26 10:07 编辑 ]

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为了忘记UID: 2317994

改了改了，谢谢版主提醒啊！！

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In order to give children a good environment to study, parents, communities and professional educators should work together to make the education effectively. Without anyone case, the education will take as a man walking with only one leg.比喻不错

Both parents and communities play an important role in education这段仅说了家长，所以TS只说家长即可. As an old saying goes,” Parents are children’s first teachers”. Not only should the parents be the children’s teachers before the children go to school, but also after children go to school. Before children go to school, they stay with their parents all day, and parents make a important effect toupon？ their children. After children go to school, although they have to leave their parents in the daytime, there is still enough time they stay together. The parents’ thinking effect the children’s thinking, as语法错误，as去掉 the same as active.(action吧) 【If the parents do things hard and carefully, the children will be hard and carefully in their study. On the contrary, if the parents are lazy and careless in their life, their children must be fooling around in their study.】这个对比有点罗嗦，建议换个复杂点的句式，增加文采又避免无谓的重复 In a word, parents take a very important part in children’s education and the form of children’s characters. 作为完全支持的观点，首先作者没有很好的将题意弄明白，题目中说的是家长参与到学校的教育当中，所以分析时应该跟教育紧密联系，应该分析家长；其次issue中应该让评卷人看到insightful perception，而不是列举一些对比关系

Besides, communities are also important.太笼统，important这个词本身就有点模糊，应该具体一些说明有哪些重要性，尤其是TS中 It can be easy proved that the children live in a community which fills with violence and bloodiness must be lack of safesafety, which makemakes him violent and cold-bloodcold-blooded. He won’t trust anybody, including his teachers and classmates. So the children will become hard to education, and it is do great harm to them. On the other hand, if the children live in a peaceful and beautiful community, that means they live in a healthhealthyand peaceful environment, they could become friendly and kind. Thus both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools to promote the education.感觉这段还是在思想深度上不足

前面加个连接词会好一些，起码使你的观点更加明显Parents and communities must relate with professional educators to promotion the education. Although parents are very important in education, they are lack of professional education knowledge. They should have a good communication with educators on how to educationeducate the children well. Also the parents should provide the children a good and health community. In that way, the educators have professional knowledge and the parents know the children very well, and community is the environment children living and studying. The three cases effect each other, and they three effect the children’s education together.建议作者平时多注意积累句型和惯用词，因为如果在一篇文章中连用五六个important和hard这种单词，再加上没能体现出分析问题的深度，没人会认为作者是一个good writer。感觉这段在很多地方是前面两段的重复，以后要注意避免这种情况，试着从另一个角度考虑同一问题会比较好。

推荐用总结性质的连接词来表明一个完整的论证过程Our common aim is giving the children good education. For this purpose, parents should be involved in schools as well as the communities. They must work together with professor educators to give the children a health environment to grow and be education.restate太明显，做适当的改写比较好

刚开始写作文的时候难免感觉无从下手，字数往往没能达到要求，这时候应该开始学习思想和遣词用句，推荐作者阅读或背诵孙远的工具箱，接触的思想多了自然会有insightful perception，但是目的一定不能是功利的，要抱着提高自己的想法才能有巨大的收获。另外多参考范文也会使你对issue有全新的认识。继续学习之后字数肯定也会有质的飞跃
--------------------by 独孤求败