Issue51 [METTLE小组第一次作业] 第一篇issue

amyzhaoUID: 2250810

Topic:
"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

What is the critical way to make education effective?

With the world becoming more and more specialized, the importance of education is probably greater than ever before. Then what is the critical way to make education effective? The question is becoming urgent to answer now. In my view, the educational effectiveness, which means fostering different kinds of professional people for meeting the demands of modern society, may hardly to be realized if it is not designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

Some people may wonder that why the education should be designed into different kinds but not a single kind including all the necessary knowledge. The answer is evident. Because of the information exploration, while it was fine for early people to work in not only a single area during their time, now, it is almost impossible for individual to master all the knowledge in any area. Consequently, education can not include all the knowledge of society. In proportion to the finite ability of an individual to learn, education should have different kinds, which have different content and characters.

In order to qualify my answer, I must put out that interests and needs can trigger off enthusiasm of students, which is essential in learning as the base of becoming professionals. From my own experience and from observations of friends and classmates, I am well aware of the profound effect of enthusiasm on stimulating students’ desire for learning. If we have no interest in a subject and there is no other factors to force us must learn it well, most of us would just finish some homework no more than the amount arranged by teachers. Instead, if we like the subject or there is going to be an exam, though no one has told us what we should do, we would be always full of enthusiasm for learning it well. This case is the result of two kinds of enthusiasm. The first kind comes from interests. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. It is not difficult to find that if we have interests in something, we always want to know about it in detail. Without feeling tired, we often enjoy ourselves in learning. The other one comes from needs. Though we may do not like to learn the subject, the needs-passing a exam, getting a job, and so on-may turns the unwillingness to enthusiasm. That is why those students who usually don not like learning begin to study hard before exams. Because interests and needs play so important role in learning, the criteria used to design education should base on them.

Moreover, as a result of differences between people, needs and interest of each student are hardly in accord. In order to make education truly effective, what is need to be took account of is that education should be specifically designed for each students’ needs and interests. The courses designed in universities make a striking example. In university, students could have choice to choose which course the will take by their own needs and interests. As an important step for students becoming professionals, that most universities take this methods can strengthen my argument mentioned above.

Certainly, other factors may also affect the effectiveness of education such as education conditions. But compared with the needs and interests, which are the internal factors in students learning, those external factors seem unimportant.


[ 本帖最后由 amyzhao 于 2007-6-2 10:38 编辑 ]

amyzhaoUID: 2250810

终于写完了,写了好久,把刚开始的提纲彻底改了.有时感觉写着
写着都不知道自己在想表明什么论点,就是一个感觉思路是混乱
我自己尽量改了一下,可能还是有些乱.麻烦秋千了,帮我改一下.
另外交流一下第一次写时的感受吧.还有感觉第一次写有什么是
比较难弄的地方,我回去写,明天写在改你作文的后面吧





[ 本帖最后由 amyzhao 于 2007-6-2 11:05 编辑 ]

hejieladyUID: 2282175

What is the critical way to make education effective?
With the world becoming more and more specialized, the importance of education is probably greater than ever before. Then what is the critical (似乎用crucial之类的词更好) way to make education effective? The question is becoming urgent to answer now. In my view, the educational effectiveness, which means fostering different kinds of professional people for（表目的应该要用to吧） meeting the demands of modern society, may hardly to be realized if it is not designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

Some people may wonder that why the education should be designed into different kinds but not a single kind including all the necessary knowledge.（兰色的是觉得句子处理得不是很好）The answer is evident. Because of the information exploration, while it was fine for early people to（应该删吧） work in not only a single area during their time, now, it is almost impossible for individual to master all the knowledge in any area. Consequently, education cannot include all the knowledge of society. In proportion to the finite ability of an individual to learn, education should have different kinds, which have different content（加s吧） and characters.

In order to qualify my answer, I must put（point） out that interests and needs can trigger off enthusiasm of students, which is essential in learning as the base of becoming professionals（形容词不加s的）. From my own experience and from the observations of friends and classmates, I am well aware(d) of the profound effect of enthusiasm on stimulating students’ desire for learning. If we have no interest in a subject and there is（主谓不一致） no other factors to（应该去掉） force us must (to)learn it well, most of us would just finish some homework no more than the amount arranged by teachers. Instead(On contrary), if we like the subject or there is going to be an exam, though no one has told us what we should do, we would be always full of enthusiasm for learning it well. This case is the result of two kinds of enthusiasm. The first kind comes from interests. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. It is not difficult to find that if we have interests in something, we always want to know about it in detail. Without feeling tired, we often enjoy ourselves in learning. The other one comes from needs. Though we may do not like to learn the subject, the needs-passing a exam, getting a job, and so on-may turns（主谓不一致）the unwillingness to enthusiasm. That is why those students who usually do not like learning begin to study hard before exams. Because interests and needs play so important role in learning, the criteria used to design education should base on them.(这段应该精简，再突出下中心的)

Moreover, as a result of differences between people, needs and interest（s） of each student are hardly in accord. In order to make education truly effective, what is(应该删掉吧) need to be took account of is that education should be specifically designed for each students’ needs and interests.（再一次重复了主题？） The courses designed in universities make a striking example. In university, students could have choice to choose which course the（they） will take by their own needs and interests. As an important step for students becoming professionals, that most universities take this methods（主谓不一致） can strengthen my argument mentioned above.

Certainly, other factors may also affect the effectiveness of education such as education conditions. But compared with the needs and interests, which are the internal factors in students learning, those external factors seem unimportant.

SORRY，首先我的语法不怎么样，可能有些难的改不出来，有些对的也可能会被我改错了，请见谅！其次，其他的一些语法之外的建议纯属个人的浅薄的意见，如有不适之处，请见谅！

在语言上，觉得句势稍显简单了点。而且觉得有几句挺中式的。
在内容方面，觉得似乎你把教育简单得看成了课程设置，而且几个论据似乎有重合性，有点罗嗦，尤其是第三段。
最后， ISSUE文章的最后一段通常来说是重申自己的观点，然后再把理由给概述一下，最后一段似乎处理的不够好。

抱歉改了这么多，不大会，但是我改得很认真。

[ 本帖最后由 hejielady 于 2007-6-2 19:42 编辑 ]

秋千UID: 2317735

What is the critical way to make education effective?（是说可以加个标题么？不加可以么？请教）

With the world becoming more and more specialized, the importance of education is probably greater than ever before. Then what is the critical way to make education effective? The question is becoming urgent to answer now. In my view, the educational effectiveness（effect就是名词吧）, which means fostering different kinds of professional people for meeting the demands of modern society, may hardly to be realized if it is not designed（without being designed可能舒服一些，这里的“双重否定”读起来很别扭） to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

Some people may wonder that why the education should be designed into different kinds but not （rather）a single kind including all the necessary knowledge. The answer is evident. Because of the information exploration, while it was fine for early people (没听说过这个说法)to work in not only a single area（我还以为后面有but also……觉得这句不该插到information exploration里面，先用一个句子说Although in the early time people can work in different area at the same time, 再说now is an era of information exploration, so it is impossible...会好些吧。不该为了追求句子的复杂程度而使问题阐述不清楚。） during their time, now, it is almost impossible for individual to master all the knowledge in any（every） area. Consequently, education can not include all the knowledge of society. In proportion to the finite ability of an individual to learn, education should have different kinds, which have different content and characters.
(这段话想要从知识的丰富性来说明教育应多样化。可是有一个明确的主旨句会比一个the answer is evident好些。)

In order to qualify my answer, I must put （同意，point）out that interests and needs can trigger off enthusiasm of students, which is essential in learning as the base of becoming professionals. From my own experience and from observations of friends and classmates, （光说这一句肯定不算举例子，同时，非常罗嗦）I am well aware of the profound effect of enthusiasm on stimulating students’ desire for learning.（你知道不行啊得证明出来啊） If we have no interest in a subject and there is no other factors（单数吧？） to force us must learn it well, most of us would just finish some homework no more than the amount arranged by teachers. Instead, if we like the subject or there is going to be an exam, though no one has told （不要老用完成时，没必要的）us what we should do, we would be always full of enthusiasm for learning it well. This case is the result of two kinds of enthusiasm. The first kind comes from interests. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. It is not difficult to find that if we have interests （interest）in something, we always want to know about it in detail. Without feeling tired, we often enjoy ourselves in learning. （可合为一句，we always want to know more about it in detail, willing to devote more time in it , without feeling tired, but enjoying ourselves.）The other one comes from needs. Though we may do not like to learn the subject, the needs-passing a exam, getting a job, and so on-(  --  一个是连字符，两个是破折号，三个是什么来着，有一个帖子讲这个的。)may turns the unwillingness to enthusiasm. That is why those students who usually don not like learning begin to study hard before exams. Because interests and needs play so important role in learning, the criteria used to design education should base on them.(这段很清晰)

Moreover, as a result of differences between people ,(Chinglish. 用diversity会好些，句子没想出来) needs and interest of each student are hardly in accord. In order to make education truly effective, what is need to be took account of（took？是taken么？） is that education should be specifically designed for each students’ needs and interests. The courses designed in universities make a striking example. In university, students could have choice to choose which course the will take by their own needs and interests. As an important step for students becoming professionals, that most universities take this methods can strengthen my argument mentioned above.
（分论点不太明确，例子也不知道想证明什么，反正倒是有个例子。）

Certainly, other factors may also affect the effectiveness of education such as education conditions. But compared with the needs and interests, which are the internal factors in students learning, those external factors seem unimportant. （没有结尾，怎么可以这样呢？）

yangzengliUID: 2332195

effect是效果的名词吧，没有有效的意思吧！还是effectiveness吧！

amyzhaoUID: 2250810

呵呵,首先谢谢hejielady帮忙改我的文章.不好意思,因为没考虑到那么多人会不交作业,造成你的文章没能及时批改.实在抱歉.我上网不方便,一般只能拿回去改,而且我下星期有考试,你的文章我过两天改给你.不过我水平不咋样,你别介意哦.

秋千,你不说我都忘了,看北美范文看的,我还以为每篇文章都有题目呢.没有题目,是我搞错了.你说的没错我们的分析都存在问题,你推荐的我正在看,果然跟人家差太多,很有感触哦.谢谢哦!

恩,谢两位的的提醒,我下回会注意的:
一个是分论点一定要明确,不要写的摸棱两可.二是结尾,我回去看看应该怎么处理,汗...才开始看issue,还不太了解
再有就是分析了,这是个长期的工作,希望以后能好起来,其实写提纲就是练习分析,这次一大失败就是提纲列得一踏糊涂,造成后面写的思维混乱,各位也要引以为戒(呵呵,秋千好象刚用过,再借我用一下),要分析清楚再列提纲,开始正文,
否则还是得返工,

对了,我还有个问题问大家,像我这种基础不好的,语言上总感觉很吃力,这也是为啥总写这么长时间的原因之一.各位有什么好建议么,都说背背范文能有提高,有人试过吗?