帮我看看我的ielts作文，到底几分？哪里需要修改，希望大家指出

foretribeUID: 2342367

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Topic:
increasing number of developing countries expanding tourist industry.
why is the case?
do you think it is positive?

Passage:
There are many differences between countries, but one matter is almost identical in all developing countries, that is they are relatively poor. So in recently years, many of the developing country especially the countries have less number of population, put their focus on the tourist industry to cover the economical troubles. Although, in the nearly future, this measure may be effective, as long term, at least it seem to my mind, this kind of policy should be great suspicious of.

The first and immediate reason is many small countries taking this measure largely drive by their economic problems. Over the last two decades, the gap between the developed countries and the developing countries has steady increasing in both living standards and the level of income. Consequently, the growing disparity is even more pronounced and then it drive the poor countries have more desire to find another ways to improve their ‘Troubled Economy’. Moreover, in the contemporary globalization tendency world, the undersize developing countries enjoy less advantages in the competition with the super developed countries, both their production’s quantity and quality could not compare with the similar ones produced in EU or US, and the even more serious is the both human and nature resource in these countries are too limited to fight against the developed worlds. The only solution all these problems seem to be take high advantage of their narrow indigenous nature resource to develop great profits field--the tourist industry.

However this ideally consideration have thought only part of the whole issue, the other side of the problem, I believe should be take more serious. Initially, the development of economy should be foremost considerate the issue of stability and durability. While the tourist industry is not stable and could be continued, once the world meets the economic crisis, many people are often like to cancel their trips, and the economy of these tourist countries are more likely wavy instead of real increasing. In adding, I deem the countries ought to be taken more attention on their core competence, and as the information age we entered, I do not think the mountains, the attractive lakes or the civilized remains represent the core competence of one country.

To reiterate, I do not agree that there is really short coming like expanding tourist industry in developing a virtually powerful country, and I believe they never will. Therefore, I suggest the developing countries’ leaders should give up their dangerous game earlier.
哪里需要修改，希望大家指出。最好指出那句话有问题。thanks

[ 本帖最后由 foretribe 于 2007-6-4 10:31 编辑 ]

H-KevinUID: 2182070

我觉得6-7分，读起来不是很流畅