Issue97 【METTLE小组】第二次作业 by holacola

holacolaUID: 2313791

As everybody knows, America must be the most strongest country all over the world. So do you believe that U.S. citizens are smarter than other races? I do not think so. However, there should be some reasons can explain this phenomenon. If we concentrate on the political decisions and activities the American government made before, we can find some evidences support the view that political decitions are put in force for making the nation safer and modernizer and people' life happier and easier. One step forth, they are manage to lead human beings a brilliant future. In a word, more or less, political desitons and activities are affect every respect of people's life but i have no doubt that people give their trust on government's decisions and activities will get a fat payback.

What is the accurate definition of a nation? In brief, nation is an organization, which include government, hospitals, schools, industry, company, banks, army and prison, etc. We discover from these simple words, they start showing up in our life since our mother get pregnant to ourself go pass, why they never vanished since society get matured? It's easy to answer this question, because nation is a kind of machine to make political decisions and put in practise for its own people. He will not hurt its people, like the adage says,"the tiger is evil, but its never gonna eat his our children forever."So,can we get the point that political decitions and activities are totally unfortunate for individuals' lives.

Furthermore, some times political decisions and avtivities are made to do some exploration that cost a lot of money, it will not reflect in human beings' lives immediately. For example, finding a kind of energy to substitute the gas or other unrecyclable energies may need abundent dollars and many many years. This is mission impossible for an isolate company or organization, but a country have the power to do so. Are these inutility? The answer is definitely not, it will do well for our world and our earth together.These disitions and activities affect people's life are not worthy enough? We can get it as the same from the question "Is moon showing at day?"  

Admittedly, if we do not let political fairs act on all aspects of our lives, we might have sharing a world with more freedom. But there do have something an individual cannot do alone with no government's intervation. Such that globalization is been unfolded for decades, the crude oil transport from one country or area to another one; the electronic affairs assemble in at least two countries, the one which have more technics produced cores, and transport them to the second country which is nearer the market, this can save the oil for transportation also can provide more core to save the time spending on transit twice.Then the other nation made crust and other small parts, and maybe is put together in the third country. These actions not only push down the cost of the company's money and get the nation more foreign exchange,but also promote the world's sources' efficient.

In conclusion, We can handle the simple sentence" there is no rules, there is no way".So we should appreciate we lived in a modern time at a modern society with modern people and the government made modern political decitions and actions.



我写了两天晚上，加一个早上。字数是562。
提前感谢，改作文的同志的辛苦工作，同样也为大家的辛苦加油。:)

[ 本帖最后由 holacola 于 2007-6-9 16:58 编辑 ]

sirius2008UID: 2324959

i must chuck the AW!!!!

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

Issue97 [METTLE小组第二次作业] 第一篇issue by holacola  

As everybody knows, America must be the most strongest country all over the world. So do you believe that U.S. citizens are smarter than other races? I do not think so. However, there should be some reasons can explain this phenomenon. If we concentrate on the political decisions and activities the American government made before, we can find some evidences support the view that political decitions are put in force（这种用法不是很妥，建议用adopted compulsorily to make）formaking the nation safer and modernizer （more modern）and people' life happier and easier. One step forth, they are删 manage to lead human beings a brilliant future（for human beings）. In a word, more or less, political desitons and activities are删 affect(,more or less,)  every respect of people's life but I have no doubt（逻辑有点混乱） that people give their trust on government's decisions and activities will get a fat payback.（作者所提出的观点是完全一边倒的观点，认为政治的确影响了人们生活的方方面面且对人们是完全有好处的，这种观点应该慎用，除非你对自己的下面的论述非常有信心）
What is the accurate definition of a nation? In brief, nation is an organization,  which include government, hospitals, schools, industry, company, banks, army and prison, etc. We discover from these simple words, they start showing up in our life since our mother get pregnant to ourself (ourselves) go pass, why they never vanished since society get matured? It's easy to answer this question, because nation is a kind of machine to make political decisions and put in practise for its own people. He will not hurt its people, like the adage says, "the tiger is evil, but its never gonna（这种口语化的用法最好不要出现在文章中） eat his our children forever. "So, can we get the point that political decitions and activities are totally unfortunate for individuals' lives. (我觉得不应该用反问句作段落总结，而最好给出明确的结论。作者将“存在即合理”作为论据力量不是很充足，而且引用虎毒不食子的中国谚语在这里感觉情感的倾向大于理性的分析，并不是十分恰当 )

Furthermore, some times political decisions and avtivities are made to do some exploration that cost a lot of money, it（which） will not reflect (benefit )in human beings' lives immediately. For example, finding a kind of energy to substitute the gas or other unrecyclable energies may need abundent dollars and many many years(a long period of time). This is mission (is) impossible for an isolate company or organization, but a country have the power to do so. Are these inutility? The answer is definitely not, it will do well for our world and our earth together. These disitions and activities affect people's life are not worthy enough? We can get it as the same from the question "Is moon showing at day?"  (同样认为反问句的论证强度不够，且反复使用略显累赘)

Admittedly, if we do not let political fairs act on all aspects of our lives, we might have sharing a world with more freedom. But there do have something an individual cannot do alone with no government's intervation. Such that globalization is been unfolded for decades, the crude oil transport from one country or area to another one; the electronic affairs（指的是事物，可以用 equipments or facilities） assemble in at least two countries, the one which have more technics produced cores, and transport them to the second country which is nearer the market, this can save the oil for transportation also can provide more core to save the time spending on transit twice. Then the other nation made crust and other small parts, and maybe is put together in the third country. These actions not only push down (这个用法没有看见过，有点奇怪，可以用 decrease或 cut down) the cost of the company's money and get the nation more foreign exchange, but also promote the world's sources' efficient（efficiency of world trade ）.（作者这段的语法错误比较多，友情建议作者发帖之前自己先把习作改一改，减少简单拼写和语法错误并且适当润色，还有个不妥之处就是把国家之间的经济合作当成是一种政治生活倒是可以但最好需要说明一下）

In conclusion, We can handle the simple sentence" there is no rules, there is no way". So we should appreciate we lived in a modern time at a modern society with modern people and the government made modern political decitions and actions.（这个结尾并没有说明问题，没有点明你整篇的观点）

[ 本帖最后由 yaoqian0424 于 2007-6-10 08:36 编辑 ]

holacolaUID: 2313791

thx,一会去回拍

supernihuiUID: 2329313

晕晕，确实是的，写issue花了4，5个小时，写个argument周六下午想着晚上要交，就1个小时赶起来的，自己都觉得比较烂，呵呵，被你看出来了。楼上高手好像已经改过，不过多个人多点意见吧，是不？

supernihuiUID: 2329313

无语了，郁闷的要死，明明登录了，好不容易打的500来字回复都没了，郁闷的不行，那我干脆就长话短说吧。
  我觉得目前语法错误和用词的错误都还好点，首先是思想问题吧。
  谈2个问题：
  1。文章有2个点 是政治影响all aspects还是影响不大 以及是unfortunate还是fortunate，你好像就谈了一个吧
  2。例子选的很不恰当，如果写成argument你的第一段估计要被批的，美国比中国强有太多深层次的原因，历史，民族，政治体制等等，本身就很难说清楚，你还把那拿来当作论据用来论证，感觉很难说服人家。下一段的“虎毒不食子”一样的问题，和本issue没什么类比关系。