Argument117 [Victors小组]第八次作业 by H-Kevin

H-KevinUID: 2182070

117.The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

时间：60分钟          字数：480

This article argues that increasing the stock of home work machine and supplies would upgrade the office-supply departments be the most profitable sector of their store. To support this argument the article cites a recent survey that over 70 percent of the respondents requiring taking more work home. And taking advantage of this work-at-home trend would bring impressive sales to its office-supply departments. The article also claims that office machines and supplies should be the most popular consumable based on this trend. This argument is flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, although over 70% percent of the respondents might take the work from the workplace than they were in the past; these features are probably not similar to all the people. The author does not tell us that how many people are included and which kind of profession involved in this survey. For many people it is probably more regular to finish work in office, or even to do their job at home everyday as a freelancer. Thus I cannot accept the author's sweeping recommendation for the office-supply departments on this statistic survey basis.

The article's reliance on by increasing the sales on office-supplies could produce the impressive sales to this department is also problematic in two respects. First, the sale situation can not be change by only rise the stock of commodities if the problem existed in their management and sale methods. Secondly, if the storage already has a great number of these office instruments, the sales status would not likely have any improve. Thus it is unfair to infer from increasing the stock of office supplies that sales status would have an impressive distribution.

Finally, although the number of the person who will take the work to their home is relatively high, the immense purchasing power of office supplements might be relatively no change. Moreover, it would be fairer to investigate the number of office machines and supplies what these person need in their home --rather than the number of person who would work at home. After all, the person who just need a computer to complete their job would have no interesting in purchasing any such supplies and machines as pen, paper, printer and typewriter . Thus the mere fact that the increased number of respondents taking more work home lends scant support to the recommendation.

In conclusion, the recommendation is poorly supported. To strengthen it the author must convince me--perhaps by way of a reliable survey—that the number of person and various career involved is processed in an acceptable range. The author must also provide better evidence that the factor of impressive sales in office-supply department is only related not to the department management but to the stock of office-supplies and machines. Finally, to better assess the argument whether these people need the office supplies and machines when they do their job at home.

jennetrjUID: 2275453

This article argues that increasing the stock of home work machine and supplies would upgrade the office-supply departments be the most profitable sector of their store. To support this argument the article cites a recent survey that over 70 percent of the respondents requiring [required] taking more work home. And taking advantage of this work-at-home trend would bring impressive sales to its office-supply departments. The article also claims that office machines and supplies should be the most popular consumable based on this trend. [觉得前面两句的顺序互换一下逻辑性更强] This argument is flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, although over 70% percent of the respondents might take the work from the workplace than they were in the past; these features are probably not similar to all the people. [There might be different trends among the general population] The author does not tell us that how many people are included and which[what] kind of profession involved in this survey. For many people it is probably more regular to finish work in office, or even to do their job at home everyday as a freelancer. Thus I cannot accept the author's sweeping recommendation for the office-supply departments on this statistic survey basis. [本段的出发点是说明命题中引用的数据普遍性、随机性问题而导致survey不可靠，建议TS直接提出逻辑错误，而不是单一的重复命题中的语句]

The article's reliance on [allegation that] [by] increasing the sales on [stock of] office-supplies could produce the impressive sales to this department is also problematic in two respects. First, the sale situation can not be change by only rise the stock of commodities if the problem existed in their management and sale methods. Secondly, if the storage already has a great number of these office instruments, the sales status would not likely have any improve. Thus it is unfair to infer from increasing the stock of office supplies that sales status would have an impressive distribution. [第二个逻辑错误是商店销售额与商品库存的平行关系，反驳是缺少相关的例证，还是加上比较稳妥]

Finally, although the number of the person who will take the work to their home is relatively high, the immense purchasing power of office supplements might be relatively no change. Moreover, it would be fairer to investigate the number of office machines and supplies what these person need in their home --rather than the number of person who would work at home. After all, the person who just need a computer to complete their job would have no interesting in purchasing any such supplies and machines as pen, paper, printer and typewriter . Thus the mere fact that the increased number of respondents taking more work home lends scant support to the recommendation.[第三段讲了带工作回家的现象增加与文具需求量上升的因果关系]

In conclusion, the recommendation is poorly supported. To strengthen it the author must convince me--perhaps by way of a reliable survey—that the number of person and various career involved is processed in an acceptable range. The author must also provide better evidence that the factor of impressive sales in office-supply department is only related not to the department management but to the stock of office-supplies and machines. Finally, to better assess the argument whether these people need the office supplies and machines when they do their job at home.

基本逻辑错误有了，建议语言上层次分明些，多举有关的有驳斥力的例证是高分的起点。