issue103 五一互助小组第四次作业 by 无边无际

gluttonUID: 2330210

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to
our daily lives."
WORDS:           TIME: 01:00:00          DATE:
  What is the value of studying history? On what circumstance will the study of history have its own value? As far as I am concerned,  the study of history, whether  it is related to our daily lives or not, has lots of values.
  
  To begin with, the study of history can give individuals encouragement and inspirations. History is full of honorable heroes and their anecdotes, through carefully investigate of which can we gain stimulations and inspirations. For instance, by studying the examples of the scientists such as Corpernicus, Galieo, Newton etc, not only do we grasp certain kind of basic knowledge about astronomy, physics and so on, but we are also inspired by their perseverance in persuing the truth and intrepidity  confronting the dominant authority when their experiment results contradicting the one authority uphold. Inspired by certain kind of personality, we are likely to follow their examples under the similar circumstances and advocate these virtues in our society in the future. Hence, we can promote our personalities and improve our moral defect by studying history.

  In addition, the study of history can also give our society a guidence and point the way toward which our society progresses, even though these studies are not direclty relevant to our daily lives. As an old saying goes, "history is a mirror". Only through looking through mirrors can we find out how ourselves look like, similarly, we can only scrutiny our behaviors in the past by studying history, then to avoid what is wrong happening again in the future and advocate what is right. For example, by studying the World War 2, which causes lots of pain to people throughout the world, we can learn lots of things from it, such as what triggers the occurence of World War 2? How does the war spread in the world so quikly? Learning these things can help prevent such tragedy happened again, as a consequence the countries will deal with the contradicting issues through peaceful methods and control chauvinism spreading in the society. Therefore our society will be more stable and progress more healthy.
  
  Finaly, the study of history can give us a sense of national identity. And this is one of
the reasons that the history curriculum is taught in school. Historical data include the
evidences about our country's history, through which we can know the information of our country's formation process, then this cause a feeling of national identity that the country can use to foster our patriotism and loyalty to the country. We surely will feel proud of being a citizen in our own country, and will make our best effort to countribute to our homeland.

  To sum up, the study of history has lots of values irrespect of whether it is related to
our dailly lives. And due to its geat benefits both to society and individuals, we should
emphasis the study of history and inculcate student a effulgence history of our country.     
      



[ 本帖最后由 glutton 于 2007-6-8 20:26 编辑 ]

ruczephyrUID: 2181202

What is value of studying history? On what circumstance will the study of history have its own value? As far as I am concerned,  the study of history, whether  it is related to our daily lives or not, has lots of values.传说中用这种开头不是太好,我也在准备改变开头模式.
  
  To begin with, the study of history can give individuals encouragement and inspirations. History is full of honorable heroes and their anecdotes, through carefully investigate of which can we gain stimulations and inspirations. For instance, by studying the examples of the scientists such as Corpernicus, Galieo, Newton etc, not only do we grasp certain kind of basic knowledge about astronomy, physics and so on, but we are also inspired by their perseverance in persuing the truth and intrepidity  confronting the dominant authority when their experiment results contradicting the one authority uphold. Inspired by certain kind of personality, we are likely to follow their examples under the similar circumstances and advocate these virtues in our society in the future. Hence, we can promote our personalities and improve our moral defect by studying history.似乎和你的主题有些偏差,你说不论是否与现实生活相关都有价值,而这里相关性并没有提.

  In addition, the study of history can also give our society a guidence and point the way toward which our society progresses, even though these studies are not direclty relevant to our daily lives. As an old saying goes, "history is a mirror". Only through looking through mirrors can we find out how ourselves look like, 这里如果能把这个比喻继续下去就好了similarly, we can only scrutiny our behaviors in the past by studying history, then to avoid what is wrong happening again in the future and advocate what is right. For example, by studying the World War 2, which causes lots of pain to people throughout the world, we can learn lots of things from it, such as what triggers the occurence of World War 2? How does the war spread in the world so quikly? Learning these things can help prevent such tragedy happened again, as a consequence the countries will deal with the contradicting issues through peaceful methods and control chauvinism spreading in the society. Therefore our society will be more stable and progress more healthy.
  
  Finaly, the study of history can give us a sense of national identity. And this is one of
the reasons that the history curriculum is taught in school. Historical data include the
evidences about our country's history, through which we can know the information of our country's formation process, then this cause a feeling of national identity that the country can use to foster our patriotism and loyalty to the country. We surely will feel proud of being a citizen in our own country, and will make our best effort to countribute to our homeland.这一段稍微有点单薄,而且从整体来说整篇文章没有一个很明确的主线,论证侧重点似乎一直在变.似乎也只有上一段比较能扣上首段的观点了,而且3段之间的逻辑性不好.每一段论证的都不是很深入,不过就算论证深入了这样也不能得到很好的分数.

  To sum up, the study of history has lots of values irrespect of whether it is related to
our dailly lives. And due to its geat benefits both to society and individuals, we should
emphasis the study of history and inculcate student a effulgence history of our country.     
      

nostrumUID: 2124189

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to
our daily lives."
WORDS:           TIME: 01:00:00          DATE:
  What is the value of studying history? On what circumstance will the study of history have its own value? As far as I am concerned,  the study of history, whether  it is related to our daily lives or not, has lots of values. 提问式开头，绝对万能，绝对无特色，所以绝对平庸，已经被淘汰，换个开头模版。比如，介绍写作背景＋主题式开头
  
  To begin with, the study of history can give individuals encouragement and inspirations. History is full of honorable heroes and their anecdotes, through carefully investigate of which can we gain stimulations and inspirations. For instance, by studying the examples of the scientists such as Corpernicus, Galieo, Newton etc, not only do we grasp certain kind of basic knowledge about astronomy, physics and so on, but we are also inspired by their perseverance in persuing the truth and intrepidity  confronting the dominant authority when their experiment results contradicting the one authority uphold. Inspired by certain kind of personality, we are likely to follow their examples under the similar circumstances and advocate these virtues in our society in the future. Hence, we can promote our personalities and improve our moral defect by studying history.

  In addition, the study of history can also give our society a guidence and point the way toward which our society progresses, even though these studies are not direclty relevant to our daily lives. As an old saying goes, "history is a mirror". Only through looking through mirrors can we find out how ourselves look like, similarly, we can only scrutiny our behaviors in the past by studying history, then to avoid what is wrong happening again in the future and advocate what is right. For example, by studying the World War 2, which causes lots of pain to people throughout the world, we can learn lots of things from it, such as what triggers the occurence of World War 2? How does the war spread in the world so quikly? Learning these things can help prevent such tragedy happened again, as a consequence the countries will deal with the contradicting issues through peaceful methods and control chauvinism spreading in the society. Therefore our society will be more stable and progress more healthy.
  
  Finaly, the study of history can give us a sense of national identity. And this is one of
the reasons that the history curriculum is taught in school. Historical data include the
evidences about our country's history, through which we can know the information of our country's formation process, then this cause a feeling of national identity that the country can use to foster our patriotism and loyalty to the country. We surely will feel proud of being a citizen in our own country, and will make our best effort to countribute to our homeland.

  To sum up, the study of history has lots of values irrespect of whether it is related to
our dailly lives. And due to its geat benefits both to society and individuals, we should
emphasis the study of history and inculcate student a effulgence history of our country.

好失望，审题啊！！！
“The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to
our daily lives.” 要求分析论证的式什么时候history有value，是不是跟生活相关的历史才有value！

怎么写叫不走题的TS？例如这样的

First of all, to study history is to look at a road map of human behavior that has led us to where we are today in the world. For example, the lessons learned during all of the past wars can make for more effective wartime leadership by avoiding mistakes made by past commanders. From the ancient Chinese author Sun Tzu's book "The Art of War", today's military commanders and even business leaders gather valuable information that allows them to operate more efficiently and effectively.
Another example is that by studying history, parents can help to improve the lives of their children in the future.
Additionally, the study of medical advances made throughout history can be the foundation to build upon to make the medical advances of today and tomorrow to make people live longer and healthier lives.
A further example of the value of the study of history beyond its effect on daily life is the treatment of the environment and the earth as a whole
然后，分析例子的时候分析跟我们生活相关的history怎么样，不相关的又怎么样，由此证明主题
AW走题的可能性极小，因为他给的题目很宽泛，但是lz这走的也太明显了




[ 本帖最后由 nostrum 于 2007-6-11 01:37 编辑 ]

tengda89757UID: 2327455

To begin with, the study of history can give individuals encouragement and inspirations（刚开始的ts就跟生活没什么关系了）. History is full of honorable heroes and their anecdotes, through carefully investigateinvestigation of which can we gain stimulations and inspirations. For instance, by studying the examples of the scientists such as Corpernicus, Galieo, Newton etc, not only do we grasp certain kind of basic knowledge about astronomy, physics and so on, but we are also inspired by their perseverance in persuing the truth and intrepidity （in） confronting the dominant authority when their experiment results contradicting the one authority uphold. Inspired by certain kind of personality, we are likely to follow their examples under the similar circumstances and advocate these virtues in our society in the future.（这次避免了纯举例子的误区，有进步） Hence, we can promote our personalities and improve our moral defect by studying history（应该把握好段与段之间的逻辑结构，第一段最好说明历史与生活的关系，有些偏题了）.

  In addition（既然是默认的跟生活有关系，连接词应表明转折语气）, the study of history can also give our society a guidence and point the way toward which our society progresses（这个从句用的不太好，显得不简洁）, even though these studies are not direclty relevant to our daily lives. As an old saying goes, "history is a mirror". Only through looking through mirrors can we find out how ourselves look like, similarly, we can only scrutiny（scrutinize） our behaviors in the past by studying history, then to avoid what is wrong happening again in the future and advocate what is right. For example, by studying the World War 2, which causes lots of pain to people throughout the world, we can learn lots of things from it, such as what triggers the occurence of World War 2? How does the war spread in the world so quikly? Learning these things can help prevent such tragedy happened again, as a consequence the countries will deal with the contradicting issues through peaceful methods and control chauvinism spreading in the society. Therefore our society will be more stable and progress more healthy（用副词）.
  
  Finaly, the study of history can give us a sense of national identity（三个ts写的都不是很好，极容易判为偏题）. And this is one of
the reasons that the history curriculum is taught in school. Historical data include the
evidences（不可数） about our country's history, through which we can know the information of our country's formation process, then this cause a feeling of national identity that the country can use to foster our patriotism and loyalty to the country. We surely will feel proud of being a citizen in our own country, and will make our best effort to countribute to our homeland.（后面两段写的都是比较大的方面，即使不偏题，也会让人感觉没有层次感）

  To sum up, the study of history has lots of values irrespect of whether it is related to
our dailly lives. And due to its geat benefits both to society and individuals, we should
emphasis the study of history and inculcate student a effulgence history of our country.（结尾适当的发展了一下主题，不错）     
    （希望以后能先好好研究一下题目才开始写作文，再就是研究范文要先从段与段之间的逻辑结构入手，然后从段内的逻辑结构入手，最后才是遣词用句。除了偏题，比上次的有明显进步，加油！！）