argument147 METTLE第二次作业 by imagic80

imagic80UID: 2342633

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

The conclusion of this argument is that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this argument, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey of video-game players who suggest that this sales trend will be reversed and their favorite games is the kinds which provide lifelike graphics. And meanwhile Whirlwind has just introduced several such games. At the first glance, the arguer’s line of reasoning seems plausible, but when it comes to an exhaustive examination, several fallacies will be found as follows.
Firstly, the claim that 10 to 25 years old is the age-group most likely to play video games is unwarranted. We can not find statistic or other evidence to support this claim. With the popularity of computer and more and more leisure time of people, many people prefer to kill their time by playing games, including all age-group, middle-age people and old people. Nowadays, playing games is no longer the patent of young people. So people of 10 to 25 are most likely to play video games is just the presumption of the arguer.
Secondly, game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has indeed just introduced several such games. There is no necessary relationship between the two. Fascinating games are made up of many factors. Besides vivid pictures, story plots, game sorts and game themes are also very important factors. The games which only advance in the technical aspects and lack stimulating factor could not be sold well. Even if the several games which has just introduced is fascinating, the price also should be taken into consideration. May it is very expensive for the game players, only few can afford to buy these kinds of game. So they also are playing the games which are less interesting than the new games.
Thirdly, there are some problems in the survey and advertisement. The survey is focus on the game players including all age-group people, but the advertisement is directed at the people of 10 to 25 years old. It is very likely that the game player is beyond this age-group, so he does not get information form the advertisement, although he wishs to buy this kind of game. In this circumstance, Whirlwind will lost a lot of customers.
Additionally, even if my previous suspicious on the author’s reasoning are proved to be unnecessary, I still have reservations. Because the game market can also be influenced by other matters, it is very possible that the next few months is a period of economic recession. All of the products fail to sell well, including game products.
All in all, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before any final conclusion are made, the arguer must provide more evidence to demonstrate the 10 to 25 years old is the most likely age-group of playing games and other necessary evidences..

zhanghaiyuUID: 2283790

argument147 METTLE第二次作业 by imagic80
147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

The conclusion of this argument is that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this argument,应该是conclusion，argument是指全篇啊 the arguer cites the result of a recent survey of video-game players whowhich suggest（-s） that this sales trend will be reversed and their favorite games is the kinds which provide lifelike graphics这句话有点说反了，调查上说的是后者，然后作者认为的是前者啊. And meanwhile Whirlwind has just introduced several such games. At the first glance, the arguer’s linelines of reasoning seems plausible, but when it comes to an exhaustive examination, several fallacies will be found as follows.模板运用的很好
Firstly, the claim that 10 to 25 years old is the age-group most likely to play video games is unwarranted.这里把that从句放到后面会好一些 We can not find statistic or other evidence to support this claim. With the popularity of computer and more and more leisure time of people,这句话略微扯得有点远 many people prefer to kill their time by playing games, including all age-group, middle-age people and old people这里说了all age-group后面这两个就有点啰嗦了. Nowadays, playing games is no longer the patent of young people. So the presumption that people of 10 to 25 are most likely to play video games is just the presumption of the arguer把后面换成is invalid，你的说法比较中文化的.
Secondly, game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has indeed just introduced several such games 这句话是什么意思？这里应该是写出缺陷是什么，而不是再复述一边作者的话. There is no necessary relationship between the two这句话很好. Fascinating games are made up of many factors. Besides vivid pictures, story plots, game sorts and game themes 前面列举那块会有点让人看不懂 are also very important factors. The games which only advance in the 去掉the technical aspects and lack stimulating factor-s could not be sold well. Even if the several games which has just been introduced is fascinating, the price also should be taken into consideration. May Maybe it is very expensive for the game players, thus only few can afford to buy these kinds of game啰嗦them就可以了. So they also are playing they are also playing the games which are less interesting than the new games.这句改成So they’ll have to play games which are less interesting….
Thirdly, there are some problems in the survey and advertisement.这里最好把什么问题写清楚，不要笼统的写一个some problems The survey is focus on the game players including all age-group people, butwhile the advertisement is directed at the people of 10 to 25 years old. It is very likely that the game player is beyond this age-group, so he does not get information formfrom the advertisement, althougheven if he wishs wishes to buy this kind of game. In under this circumstance, Whirlwind will lost lose a lot of customers.
Additionally, even if my previous suspicious on the author’s reasoning are proved to be unnecessary, I still have reservations尽量不要涉及I my之类主关性的话，多用被动语态之类客观性的表达. Because the game market can also be influenced by other matters, it is very possible that the next few months is a period of economic recession. All of the products fail to sell well, including game products.（这个假设很合理）
All in all, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before any final conclusion are is made, the arguer must provide more evidence to demonstrate the 10 to 25 years old is the most likely age-group of playing games and other necessary evidences.（结尾有点太快了）

1.        还是多注意主谓一致，时态的问题
2.        文章的逻辑思路还是很好的，只是语言上需要多多锤炼