Issue95 by futureman (点评by OB)

OB叔UID: 188695

先帖原文，大家可以自己先看看

ISSUE95---People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does.
个人竞争可以促进工作效率
竞争带来的不利提高效率的方面
合作可以弥补这些缺陷，激发工作效率

Some hold the opinion that individual competition can best motivate people to work productively. Even if competition will grant people an good opportunity to work creatively, I argue that it also have latent limitation which can hamper people from working efficiently. In this sense, cooperation can be a good way to eliminate them.

Sometimes individual competition may prod people to productively work by lighting up the strong desire to court honor and reputation in human nature. Everyone is concerned about his own living ambience and make great effort to change it in terms of individual interests. However, this transition is not a personal affair on the grounds that resource and environment in a group or society is unfortunately limited, and also the longing for better life is harbored by every rational mind rooted in our instincts. In this sense, competition becomes a fair method to solve this contradiction. The more effort he makes, the more things he will acquire. This factor stirs everyone's potential to become a champion in the arena. Consequently, the efficient work is produced by individual competition.

However competition contributes to the effective work, evidence of its deficiency will not permit us to deny that overrating of competition may bring us low efficiency results. For one thing, competition is relied on the conception that maximum of one's own objective with no regard to hopes and feelings of others. The selfishness, the avarice, and the boundless lust of dominating more resources aroused by competition may lead to conflicts between individual and individual. These discrepancies can put sand in the wheels of high efficiency of productive work and distract people from improving their work quality, ultimately make personal achievement counterproductive. For another, with the rapid development of modern technology, a complicated project is much more difficult for individuals to efficiently accomplish. It is true that personal competition may be beneficial to solve one or two important problems, but the complexity and multiplicity of one project makes individual competition increasingly bootless. Neither the Apollo mission depended on the capability of several people, nor did the first explosion of nuclear weapon in China. In a word, competition between individuals cannot solely boost personal efficiency, let alone the whole project.

Based on the two main reasons above, teamwork, maintaining the significance of cooperation, can counterbalance the damper of personal competition. To every person in a team, cooperation can help people to build mutual trust, to remove conflicts hindering them from increasing work productivity, to enhance group morale, and eventually to maximize the capability and efficiency of every individual. Again, a person in a team will have a good chance to observe how others cope with the same thing, what others think, and what advantages of others he can learn from. People working with each other can obtain rapid self-improvement. Also, cooperation will motivate people's creativity and imagination, because ideas can be shared in a group, which makes one person gain different perspectives to broaden his own horizon and correct preceding ones step by step. All of the benefits of cooperation put together illustrates that it can avoid the disadvantages of individual competition, lower the whole risk of decision, and motivate people in a team to work more competently and productively.

On balance, we frequently believe that it is single competition that maximizes individual working efficiency. Faced the deficiency of single competition, however, cooperation can compensate for these disadvantages and motivate people more creatively. For this reason, people in a group can work more productively than individual competition.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-18 17:56 编辑 ]

OB叔UID: 188695

Some hold the opinion that individual competition can best motivate people to work productively. Even if competition will grant 【换做give好些，这里提出说明一下，写issue的时候，不要老想用高级的词汇，来显示自己的语言有多好。不是这样子的，语言是为了清晰准确的表达思想，用适合你的语言才是最关键的】people an good opportunity to work creatively, I argue that it also have latent limitation which can hamper people from working efficiently. In this sense, cooperation can be a good way to eliminate them.

Sometimes individual competition may prod people to productively work【这种用法对吗？】 by lighting up the strong desire to court honor and reputation in human nature. Everyone is concerned about his own living ambience and make great effort to change it in terms of individual interests. However, this transition is not a personal affair on the grounds that resource and environment in a group or society is unfortunately limited, and also the longing for better life is harbored by every rational mind rooted in our instincts.【这句话太长了，不能有效的表达相应的意思，拆成短句吧】 In this sense, competition becomes a fair method to solve this contradiction. The more effort he makes, the more things he will acquire. This factor stirs everyone's potential to become a champion in the arena. Consequently, the efficient work is produced by individual competition.

However competition contributes to the effective work, evidence of its deficiency will not permit us to deny that overrating of competition may bring us low efficiency results. 【当你反对后，这里应该把你的理由直接摆出来，先总的陈述一下】For one thing, competition is relied on the conception that maximum of one's own objective with no regard to hopes and feelings of others. The selfishness, the avarice, and the boundless lust of dominating more resources aroused by competition may lead to conflicts between individual and individual. These discrepancies can put sand in the wheels of high efficiency of productive work and distract people from improving their work quality, ultimately make personal achievement counterproductive.【这个观点的论述没有具体事例的支撑】 For another【那个thing不要省略】, with the rapid development of modern technology, a complicated project is much more difficult for individuals to efficiently accomplish. It is true that personal competition may be beneficial to solve one or two important problems, but the complexity and multiplicity of one project makes individual competition increasingly bootless. Neither the Apollo mission depended on the capability of several people, nor did the first explosion of nuclear weapon in China.【这里的举例很好，但利用的很差，你只是简单的举出来了，没有做后续的分析，很可惜】 In a word, competition between individuals cannot solely boost personal efficiency, let alone the whole project.

Based on the two main reasons above, teamwork, maintaining the significance of cooperation, can counterbalance the damper of personal competition. To every person in a team, cooperation can help people to build mutual trust, to remove conflicts hindering them from increasing work productivity, to enhance group morale, and eventually to maximize the capability and efficiency of every individual.【从开头到这里，没有一个TS，就是中心句，topic sentences】 Again, a person in a team will have a good chance to observe how others cope with the same thing, what others think, and what advantages of others he can learn from. People working with each other can obtain rapid self-improvement. Also, cooperation will motivate people's creativity and imagination,【这个观点我表示怀疑，在合作中大多是求同存异，个性是得不到张扬的，是限制了个人的想象力啊，这是一般老美的思维】 because ideas can be shared in a group, which makes one person gain different perspectives to broaden his own horizon and correct preceding ones step by step. 【理论论证完毕后没有举例论证啊】All of the benefits of cooperation put together illustrates that it can avoid the disadvantages of individual competition, lower the whole risk of decision, and motivate people in a team to work more competently and productively.

On balance, we frequently believe that it is single 【换做simple可否】competition that maximizes individual working efficiency. Faced the deficiency of single competition, however, cooperation can compensate for these disadvantages and motivate people more creatively. For this reason, people in a group can work more productively than individual competition.
小结：
总的来说，写的不错，至少在4.5分的水平。语言很流畅，用词也比较考究。
主要问题是在理论论证之后要带上相应的例子，这点很关键，否则如果都是理论论证的话就太空泛了。建议每段采用这样的方式：TS句―――》理论论证―――》举例―――》事例分析―――》段尾小结。这样的论证结构比较严密。

[ 本帖最后由 Orange&Blue 于 2007-6-18 18:31 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

改了下标题;d: ;d:
多谢ob啦;d:

OB叔UID: 188695

呵呵 我本来就是咱们版的前任版主啊

呵呵 不谢

OB叔UID: 188695

顺便再说一下，还是把“点评”那两个字加上吧否则大家就弄混了

谢谢先

iq28UID: 2152875

想复出啦?
欢迎欢迎;d:

chongxinlaiUID: 2235209

嗯，考前就看过精华区里ＯＢ的改贴，相当受打击的说

DemoUID: 2331967

留名学习之

学完了
写得真好～赞～

[ 本帖最后由 Demo 于 2007-6-18 19:44 编辑 ]

OB叔UID: 188695

没啊，最近忙啊要死啊

每天都要守在电脑前看盘

复出估计是没戏了，能改多少就改多少吧

chongxinlaiUID: 2235209

原帖由 Orange&Blue 于 2007-6-18 18:01 发表
没啊，最近忙啊要死啊

每天都要守在电脑前看盘

:handshake同道之人亚，斑斑有空交流啊

futuremanUID: 2327059

futuremanUID: 2327059

大叔早日找到嫂嫂呵~~~

iq28UID: 2152875

貌似都叫你大叔;d:

ILOVEISSUEUID: 2300195

这都到地下室了，还地板。。。

futuremanUID: 2327059