Argument38 【METTLE小组】第四次作业 by happyhappypig

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

Argument38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

Words: 617
The above recommendation of daily usage of Ichthaid (I) to prevent colds and lower absenteeism appears reasonable. However, the arguer fails to set up the causal relationship among consumption of fish, colds and absenteeism, nor does the author discuss the effectiveness of I.

First of all, the argument rests on gratuitous presumption that colds are the main reason for absenteeism from school and work, which is unwarranted. The phenomenon of increasing absenteeism with colds doesn’t necessarily indicate that the absent people do catch a cold. Usually, it is easier and more reasonable to escape from work by illnesses as an excuse and cold is just one of the most common excuses. Without further information related to the healthy conditions of these people, hardly can we tell whether people in West Meria (WM) are more vulnerable to colds or not. In addition, there are plenty of other influencing factors which might affect the attendance of school or work. For example, it is possible that due to the emergency demand the work load in the manufactory companies in WM is so heavy that some employees just want to take somes rests home. Or perhaps this winter is extremely severe these days so that students don’t want to go to school but rather stay at home. Either of the above scenarios, if true, would cause great suspicion about the causes of the absenteeism, let alone suitable solutions to avoid it.

Secondly, even if we concede that the absenteeism is really caused by colds, whether the reference from East Meria (EM) suggests that fish can prevent colds is open to doubt. On one hand, how frequently a resident would visit his doctors is insufficient evidence to indicate whether he is easy to catch a cold or not. It is highly likely that due to the scattered localization of the residents and the hospitals, most of the time when people in EM get a cold, they would simply taken non-description medicines from nearby drug stores whereas in highly centralized WM, people are more convenient to drop by at the doctor’s. On the other hand, even if people in EM are more resistance to cold, no evidence is given to proof that it is contribute to the fish consumption. If most people in EM lead a healthy life style and do more daily exercises whereas due to tough work and limited space, residents in WM seldom go out, the health condition difference may due to the physical exercises rather than eating fishes. Without specific information to the above aspects, we cannot guarantee the benefits from eating fishes.

Moreover, even if assuming fish do help prevent cold, the mere fact that I is derived from fish oil tells nothing about its effectiveness. In the first place, we don’t know whether it is the fish oil, meat or the skin contains the preventive substance, neither did we know its concentration or amount to be effective. Secondly, whether it is concentrated in particular type of fish or any fishes is unknown. Additionally, nothing is provided about the extraction procedures or the activity of the substances in I. Even if it is contained in certain fish oil, how can we make sure it still works as a nutrition supplement? People might also be more interested to know whether there are other foods containing I so that those who dislike fish or supplements would have an alternative choice. Only after evaluating all the above facts, can we discuss whether I containing nutritional supplements needs spreading.

Taken together, the above argument is not well reasoned as it stands. Unless given comprehensive discussion about the actual cause of the absenteeism, the way to prevent cold or the effective substance from the fish, the arguer’s advice cannot be adopted.

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

Argument38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Words: 617
The above recommendation of daily usage of Ichthaid (I) to prevent colds and lower absenteeism appears reasonable. However, the arguer fails to set up the causal relationship among consumption of fish, colds and absenteeism我明白你的意思，包含1和2，2和3两个因果关系，但是这句话似乎还是有点歧义，多包含了1和3的关系, nor觉得应该用either,前面的谓语是单个动词而不是否定形态，望赐教 does the author discuss the effectiveness of I. 开头很简洁，向你学习

First of all, the argument rests on gratuitous presumption that colds are the main reason for absenteeism from school and work, which is unwarranted. The phenomenon of increasing absenteeism 题目并没有说increasingwith colds doesn’t necessarily indicate that the absent people do catch a cold前后单复数形式应该一致，用colds. Usually, it is easier and more reasonable to escape from work by illnesses as an excuse and cold is just one of the most common excuses. Without further information related to the healthy conditions of these people, hardly can we tell whether people in West Meria (WM) are more vulnerable to colds or not.这句用在这里有点突兀，因为前后都是在说拿感冒当借口，中间怎么突然插这么一句 In addition, there are plenty of other influencing factors which might affect the attendance of school or work. For example, it is possible that due to the emergency 形容词形式emergentdemand the work load in the manufactory companies in WM is so heavy that some employees just want to take somessome rests home. Or perhaps this winter is extremely severe 查了下，没有这种用法these days so that students don’t want to go to school but rather stay at home. Either of the above scenarios, if true, would cause great suspicion about the causes of the absenteeism, let alone suitable solutions to avoid it.

Secondly, even if we concede that the absenteeism is really caused by colds, whether the reference from East Meria (EM) suggests that fish can prevent colds is open to doubt. On one hand, how frequently a resident would visit his doctors is insufficient evidence to indicate whether he is easy to catch a cold or not. It is highly likely that due to the scattered localization of the residents and the hospitals, most of the time when people in EM get a cold, they would simply taken non-description medicines from nearby drug stores whereas in highly centralized WM, people are more convenient to drop by at the doctor’s. On the other hand, even if people in EM are more resistance resistantto cold, no evidence is given to proofprove that it is contribute to the fish consumption这里因果倒置了，A contribute to B是指A对B有贡献. If most people in EM lead a healthy life style and do more daily exercises whereas due to tough work and limited space, residents in WM seldom go out, the health condition difference有点别扭，可用the difference in health condition may due to这个词用的有点多 the physical exercises rather than eating fishes. Without specific information to the above aspects, we cannot guarantee the benefits from eating fishes. 这段论证不错，句式变化也很丰富，就是个别句子结构需再斟酌下

Moreover, even if assuming fish do help prevent cold, the mere fact that I is derived from fish oil tells nothing about its effectiveness. In the first place, we don’t know whether it is the fish oil, meat or the skin contains the preventive substance, neither did we know its concentration or amount to be effective. Secondly, whether it 指代最好说明一下is concentrated in particular type of fish or any fishes is unknown. Additionally, nothing is provided about the extraction procedures or the activity of the substances in I. Even if it is contained in certain fish oil, how can we make sure it still works as a nutrition supplement? People might also be more interested to know whether there are other foods containing I so that those who dislike fish or supplements would have an alternative choice. Only after evaluating all the above facts, can we discuss whether I containing nutritional supplements needs spreading这个词好像不妥，推荐一下promotion. 这段的论证也比较充分，结构紧凑

Taken together, the above argument is not well reasoned as it stands. Unless given comprehensive discussion about the actual cause of the absenteeism, the way to prevent cold or the effective substance from the fish, the arguer’s advice cannot be adopted.

LZ的文章不错，很有希望，语言丰富变化多，结构上前后相承，论证也比较充分，有很多值得我学习的地方
硬挑下错吧，就是让步用的较多，个别词组有些重复,内容上也可以根据考试的要求适当精简一下

[ 本帖最后由 yaoqian0424 于 2007-6-24 01:58 编辑 ]

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

1.我还以为nor和either没有区别的呢，要再查查语法啦。
2.contributie确实用错了，呵呵，多谢指正，我自己读的时候还没觉出来
多谢ls的批改，呵呵，好仔细，虽然我自己也读了一次改了一下拼写但是还是犯了好多傻傻的错误，下次注意
现在再看感觉第一段有点长了，不过估计考试的时候也写不出这么多来，呵呵，再次感谢：）