Argument57 【SWEETBOX小组】 第六次作业 by 小破孩

小破孩UID: 2125288

Argument57
The following appeared in a newsletter on nutrition and health.

"Although the multimineral Zorba pill was designed as a simple dietary supplement, a study of first-time ulcer patients who took Zorba suggests that Zorba actually helps prevent ulcers. The study showed that only 25 percent of those ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor's direction developed new ulcers, compared to a 75 percent recurrence rate among ulcer patients who did not take Zorba. Clearly, then, Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers and if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well."

Words: 547
The above suggestion to inform general public the effect of Zorba in preventing recurrent ulcers, therefore preventing first-time ulcers formation sounds reasonable. However, the arguer fails to set up the causal relationship between Zorba consumption and the situation of ulcer recurrence, nor does the author provide the applicability of Zorba in first-time ulcer preventions.

First of all, whether Zorba is highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is open to doubt. The mere fact that the recurrent rates of two groups of ulcer patients are different is insufficient to indicate the effectiveness of Zorba. As a matter of fact, myriads of variables should be taken into consideration upon the recover or recurrence of ulcers. For example, the first-time ulcer conditions, whether the degree or the area of the ulcer various between two groups; the locations of the ulcers, whether they are exposed and convenient to apply external use medicines or they are located at the refraction junctions which are more vulnerable to cause recurrence on the nearby tissues; or even their daily meals, whether they have healthy food rich in fibers, facilitating excretion and ulcer recovering or junk food which lead to hypertension which may even exacerbate the ulcer situation. Without evaluation of specific aspects mentioned above, hardly can the author make any prediction upon the effect of Zorba, let alone preventing the first-time ulcer formation.

Secondly, even if we concede the efficacy of Zorba in preventing ulcer recurrence, the argument rests on a gratuitous presumption that it could also prevent the formation of first-time ulcers, which is unwarranted. The preventive effect of Zorba in ulcer recurrence doesn’t guarantee its efficacy to eliminate first-time ulcers. Unless the mechanism of the first-time and recurrence of ulcers and their similarities are provided, hardly can we apply Zorba in preventing first-time ulcers. It is possible that firs-time ulcers are mainly caused by tissue damage whereas ulcer recurrence is due to the damaged tissue spreading. Even if Zobra could stop such spreading by occlusion, there is no way it could heal the defects in tissues in the first place. Or perhaps the substance Zorba works on does not exists in the first-time ulcers. Without knowing the causes of the first-time and recurrence of the ulcers, the conclusion that Zorba can prevent first-time ulcers is too hasty. (Time is up)

Moreover, even assuming Zorba can prevent both the formation and recurrence of ulcers, whether it should be widely spread needs thorough discussion. Nothing is provided upon the dosage, the frequency or the time of Zorba usage to prevent ulcers’ formation or recurrence. Neither does the arguer investigate the possible side effects. Perhaps over dosage consumption of Zorba may bring negative effect to healthy people, such as inhibiting the absorption of other nutrients or causing body resistance. Further more, since Zorba is a dietary supplement, the public might be more interested to know whether it is also contained in other foods. If the consumption of natural products rich in Zorba is more conductive to people’s health, experts should aim at promoting the sales of these natural products instead of Zorba supplements.

Taken together, the above argument is not well reasoned as it stands. Unless given detailed interpretation of the ulcer study, the similarities between ulcer formation and recurrence, the arguer’s advice cannot be adopted.

开始准备计时了，但是觉得时间不够用啊不够用

wchao69UID: 2209794

互改对象没有交作业，只有学习一下你的文章了。
The above suggestion to inform general public the effect of Zorba in preventing recurrent ulcers, therefore preventing first-time ulcers formation sounds reasonable. However, the arguer fails to set up the causal relationship between Zorba consumption and the situation of ulcer recurrence, nor does the author provide the applicability of Zorba in first-time ulcer preventions.
精简而内容充实的开头。
First of all, whether Zorba is highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is open to doubt. The mere fact that the recurrent rates of two groups of ulcer patients are different is insufficient to indicate the effectiveness of Zorba. As a matter of fact, myriads of variables should be taken into consideration upon the recover or recurrence of ulcers. For example, the first-time ulcer conditions, whether the degree or the area of the ulcer is various between two groups; the locations of the ulcers, whether they are exposed and convenient to apply external use medicines or they are located at the refraction junctions which are more vulnerable to cause recurrence on the nearby tissues; or even their daily meals, whether they have healthy food rich in fibers, facilitating excretion and ulcer recovering or junk food which lead to hypertension which may even exacerbate the ulcer situation. Without evaluation of specific aspects mentioned above, hardly can the author make any prediction upon the effect of Zorba on recurrence, let alone preventing the first-time ulcer formation. 最后一句的递进关系，我觉得有点问题，我改了一下。不一定妥当。

Secondly, even if we concede the efficacy of Zorba in preventing ulcer recurrence, the argument rests on a gratuitous presumption that it could also prevent the formation of first-time ulcers, which is unwarranted. The preventive effect of Zorba in ulcer recurrence doesn’t guarantee its efficacy to eliminate first-time ulcers. Unless the mechanism of the first-time and recurrence of ulcers and their similarities are provided, hardly can we apply Zorba in preventing first-time ulcers. It is possible that firs-time ulcers are mainly caused by tissue damage whereas ulcer recurrence is due to the damaged tissue spreading. Even if Zobra could stop such spreading by occlusion, there is no way it could heal the defects in tissues in the first place. Or perhaps the substance Zorba works on does not exists in the first-time ulcers. Without knowing the causes of the first-time and recurrence of the ulcers, the conclusion that Zorba can prevent first-time ulcers is too hasty. (Time is up)
时间不够的话，建议你先写结尾段，这样至少能保证文章的完整性。XDF老师的建议是先头尾段，在写中间段。

Moreover, even assuming Zorba can prevent both the formation and recurrence of ulcers, whether it should be widely spread needs thorough discussion. Nothing is provided upon the dosage, the frequency or the time of Zorba usage to prevent ulcers’ formation or recurrence. Neither does the arguer investigate the possible side effects. Perhaps over dosage consumption of Zorba may bring negative effect to healthy people, such as inhibiting the absorption of other nutrients or causing body resistance. Further more, since Zorba is a dietary supplement, the public might be more interested to know whether it is also contained in other foods. If the consumption of natural products rich in Zorba is more conductive to people’s health, experts should aim at promoting the sales of these natural products instead of Zorba supplements.

Taken together, the above argument is not well reasoned as it stands. Unless given detailed interpretation of the ulcer study and the similarities between ulcer formation and recurrence, the arguer’s advice cannot be adopted.
感觉你结尾段，对全文的TS总结不够。不能囊括你中间段落的所有观点。这样会使文章结构更加清楚。同时增加气势。
全文基本没有什么语法错误，你语言功底确实不错～～赞一个。