[小邪作文小组] forbeck的作文主贴 （7.15task1更新）

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

亲爱的我提醒你

As a popular saying goes: Women hold up the half of sky . It is true that we should respect the contribution of women,but please don’t ignore their parterns ‘ labors.

这种话不能加

你需要做的是描述，而不是分析或者发表感想。这样的作文是不合格的

forbeckUID: 2297645

遵命，那我还得把前面的句子在扩充下;d: :handshake

为什么我的作文怎么编辑 ，格式都改不过来啊:o

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-7-16 23:07 编辑 ]

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

没懂你的意思

今天是我工作一周年。。

forbeckUID: 2297645

就是段落间无法分行，在word上编辑都好好的~~:o

H-KevinUID: 2182070

不小心看到了，恭喜 :)

原帖由 clearsky_luna 于 2007-7-17 12:06 发表
没懂你的意思

今天是我工作一周年。。

H-KevinUID: 2182070

经常是这样的，把别的帖子的空格粘贴过来就好了

原帖由 forbeck 于 2007-7-17 12:52 发表
就是段落间无法分行，在word上编辑都好好的~~:o

文学发现UID: 2185273

好东西

forbeckUID: 2297645

谢谢组长修改~~:handshake

现在不管能拿几分，我也得写，5分~~那是我高三时毫无准备参加鸭子考试的水平;d: ，如果考试就这破分，那我就承认自己实在是退化了吧！:cool:

原帖由 clearsky_luna 于 2007-7-13 00:22 发表
比如“尽管recent technology如此重要，但由于他是在earlier technology的基础上发展出来的，我还是认为earlier technology更影响我们的生活”

只是重申这样的观点，感觉得好傻，看来被鸭子熏陶后，思维会被限制阿！！！郁闷，看来我得为殿试准备八股文去咯~~~:o
还有最后一段的写法，我会注意的，看来组长在新东方上课可真认真:loveliness: ，新东方的作文课上我都在睡觉;)，

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

当然得认真

交了钱的嘛

自己挣钱交学费的时候厅的肯定认真

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

Task 1修改
The pie chart describes the difference between men and women in full-time and part-time job. The bar chart gives the difference between men and women in total weekly work time.

The pie charts compare the difference between males and females occupied(动名词吧,人作主语该用主动) in full -time job and  part -time job.The associated bar graph represents the difference in total weekly work time between the two genders.

Let’s take a closer look at the bar graph first(firstly吧), it is apparent that most males and females work for about 20 hours on average every seven days. More males (80) than females (74) work over 25 hours in one week.In contrast , approximately 80 females work harder than males (50) when their work time is under 25 hours per week.(这段整体感觉不太好,柱状图你知道分成两个部分写,但是我觉得各个hour段应该写出来,只笼统成两个部分不是太好,评分的人会判你描述得不完整.)

Then take our attentions back to the pie charts above(最好补出the bar graph) where we can find the reason why males take more time on their careers. Notably, far more males are employed in full-time job,compared with that only nearly half of females take the same type of work..Unlike the situation on full-time work, just about 25 percent(有25%吗,好像10-15%之间吧,如果不晓得具体的,说个小部分就行了) of males perform as part-time wokers.

文章语言上的问题不大,关键是描述上,我在书上看那些examiner对别人文章的评价一般都有三条,task fulfillment, coherence and cohesion, vocabulary and sentence structure. 而你这里主要就是task fulfillment上有些欠缺.

forbeckUID: 2297645

谢谢！！学习中．．．．．．．．

nc2uanUID: 191221

thanks

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

forbeck你这周的作业没交

第三次作业你可要注意及时交啊

而且也要给别人提意见和修改哦