[小邪作文组]小邪的作文主帖

vlcbUID: 2132650

The two graphs illustrate the issue of men and women’s work time and their preference[lcb1] on full-time and part-time job.

As can be seen from the pie chart, men show a strong penchant for full-time job. Only one twelfth [lcb2] of men would choose part-time job. Female, however, selects[lcb3] in a more average way. The proportion of women who choose full-time job is only 4% more than the ones who prefer part-time job.

Because of the genders’ different inclinations of part-time and full-time job, the total weekly work time of men and women’s[lcb4] vary [lcb5] diversely. The line[lcb6] chart is based on a survey among 147 men and 147 women. There are more women than men in the groups of “under 5 hours”, “5 to 15 hours” and “15 to 25 hours”. Respectively, 7, 31 and 37 women select these three groups, comparing with men’s number: 5, 27 and 32. 45 men work 25 to 35 hours per week while there are 41 women in this group. 31 women work 35 to 45 hours weekly, 5 persons less than men do.

点评：我认为组长描述第二张图过于细致了，而且有些趋势没有概括。不过这张图真是有点不清不楚不好写。
[lcb1]用得真好，学习


[lcb2]大概？


[lcb3]是个vt.?


[lcb4]去掉？


[lcb5]时态？


[lcb6]bar

[ 本帖最后由 vlcb 于 2007-7-19 15:20 编辑 ]

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

task 2作业交拉~

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

帮你顶上去，我也补起了

jessie_dengUID: 2282511

第二次作业task 2修改
In recent ten years, there has been a popular debate about whether animals(animal) experimentation ought to be abandoned or the experimentation is essential for scientific development. I will attempt to present both side(sides吧) of this argument in order to establish my position on this issue of animals’ right to life and the necessity of animals（同上，作修辞词的修饰另一个名词的话不能用复数，要用单数）experimentation.


People who are against the use of animals for experimentation purposes consider animals have the equal rights to survive as human being. They emphasize that animals do have feeling（the feeling,后面有of结构表示所属关系最好加定冠词the） of fears, pains, and emotions. As far as they are concerned, it is cruel to inject bacteria into a rabbit’s wound for observation on infection.

Though the trend of abolishment to animals experimentation has become more accepted by ordinary people, there are still several people(语病,两个谓语,定语从句先行词做主语不能省,加个who或者后面的insist直接用insisting) insist that some certain research and development of science cannot be run without the sacrifice of animals’ lives. It is their belief(用法上没错,但是总感觉读着别扭,直接用成表语从句或宾从) that human’s(human可以做adj) lives are much more precious than animals’ and to benefit human being(后置吧) it is not immoral or wicked at all to take any measures.(整句话读着太拗口了,你再考虑下, 换下顺序呢,taking any measures to benefit human being is not immoral or wicked at all)

Both of the two points above are reasonable, and(and不能单独分句吧), have not taken all things into consideration. No matter what position one stands,it is hardly(hard) for him or her to deny that every single animal, either for experimental use or for food use, even vermin, has the equal rights to life in the natural environment. If so, a question may arise: Isn’t killing cattle to eat or killing locust as cruel as to experiment on frogs?

My answer to this question is: “Whether it is cruel or not, it depends on the condition.” Mice in field and mice in laboratory have totally opposite function to human. From my view, to(表目的还是什么,完全可以不用to) experimentation on animals is necessary.(这点好像与前面的话联系得不太紧密吧,按你上面的叙述来推理,这点应该说对我们有害的动物可以用于实验) Scientific development not only benefit on human, but also on animals. What we shall do is to avoid and forbid abusing or mistreating animals.


1整篇文章的感觉就是动物用于实验的论据欠缺,你在最后可以举点与你观点相符的论据来支持你的论点,不然,直接跳到你的结论,好像不太符合逻辑结构.
2 depend on situation里的situation少了,而且个人觉得mice那论据不太好,给人感觉好像就是有害的动物我们可以用于实验的这种situation,与你初衷不太符吧.
3有些句子多推敲推敲,从整篇用词的多样和结构上的变换来看,你完全能描述得更好一些,+U. ^O^

[ 本帖最后由 jessie_deng 于 2007-7-23 16:58 编辑 ]

vlcbUID: 2132650

In recent ten years, there has been a popular debate about whether [url=]animals[/url][lcb1] experimentation ought to be abandoned or the experimentation is essential for scientific development. I will attempt to present both [url=]side[/url][lcb2] of this argument in order to establish my position on this issue of animals’ right to life and the necessity of animals experimentation.

People who are against the use of animals for experimentation purposes consider animals have the equal rights to [url=]survive[/url][lcb3] as human being. They emphasize that animals do have feeling of fears, pains, and emotions. As far as they are concerned, it is cruel to inject bacteria into a rabbit’s wound for observation on infection.

Though the trend of abolishment to animals experimentation has become more accepted by ordinary people, there are still several people insist that some certain[url=] research and development [/url][lcb4] of science cannot be [url=]run[/url][lcb5] without the sacrifice of animals’ lives. It is their belief that human’s lives are much more precious than animals’ and to benefit human being it is not immoral or wicked at all to take any measures.

Both of the two points above [url=]are[/url][lcb6] reasonable, [url=]and[/url][lcb7] , have not taken all things into consideration. No matter what position one stands, it is hardly for him or her to deny that every single animal, either for experimental use or for food use, even vermin, has the equal [url=]rights [/url][lcb8] to life in the natural environment. If so, a question may arise: Isn’t killing cattle to eat or killing locust as cruel as to experiment on frogs?

My answer to this question is: “Whether it is cruel or not[url=], it [/url][lcb9] depends on the condition.” Mice in field and mice in laboratory have totally opposite function to human. From my view, [url=]to experimentation [/url][lcb10] on animals is necessary. Scientific development not only [url=]benefit[/url][lcb11] on human, but also on animals. What we shall do is to avoid and forbid abusing or mistreating animals.

点评：句式用词好复杂。单复数的问题相对比较多。太强了，学习中

[lcb1]animal?
[lcb2]sides
[lcb3]换个词？
[lcb4]单复数？
[lcb5]换个词？
[lcb6]建议用seem to be
[lcb7]转折？
[lcb8]单数？
[lcb9]去掉变主语从句？
[lcb10]不定式？
[lcb11]Does not only

[ 本帖最后由 vlcb 于 2007-7-25 00:18 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

7.15 第二次练习

Task 1

The two graphs illustrate the issue of men and women’swork time and their preference on full-time and part-time jobs.

As can be seen from the pie chart, men show a strong penchant for full-time job. Only one twelfth of men would choose part-time job.Female, however, selects in a more average way. The proportion of women who choose full-time job is only 4% more than the ones who prefer part-time job.

Because of the genders’ different inclinations of part-time and full-time jobs, the total weekly work time of men and women’s varydiversely. The line chart is based on a survey among 147 men and 147 women.There are more women than men in the groups of “under 5 hours”, “5 to 15 hours”and “15 to 25 hours”. Respectively, 7, 31 and 37 women select these three groups, comparing with men’s number: 5, 27 and 32. 45(又是这么精确的数字啊？) men work 25 to 35 hours per week while there are 41 women in this group. 31 women work 35 to 45 hours weekly, 5 persons less than men do.

第三段对饼图的描述有点松散的感觉，像是在罗列数字~~

forbeckUID: 2297645

7.10 第一次练习

Task 1: The graph show the GDP growth in the United States, Japanand the rest of Asia between 1995 and 2001.
(From Version 94)

The line chart illustrates the America, Japan,and the rest countries of Asia’s GDP growth, timeranging from 1995 to 1999.

The curve of Japan’s fluctuated during theperiod. The growth got to its peak — 7% — in the year 1996. After that, it showed a sliding trend and then reached the minimum of the period — in 1998,the growth turned down to 4%. The increasing rate of Japan’s GDP warmed up again from the year 1998, up to 7% once more in 2001.

The United  States, however, its growth of GDP varied in a different way. Between 1995 and 1999, the growth was in a period of increase.As can be seen from the graph, the slope became larger than before during 1996 to 1999. In the year of 1999, American GDP growth arrived in the maximum 10% and turned down from that year.

The change of Asia’s GDP was opposite to both Japan（96到98年他俩的趋势是一样的） and the United States. The increasing ratehad not stop to decline until the year 1999, from 9% to 4.1%. Since 1999, ithad a 249% leap in 2001, to 10.2%.（这么精确的数据怎么算出来的啊？）

好些句型我觉得很好，不过，读完后，感觉没有jessie那文字那样清晰，我觉得在描述图表方面应该多想她学习~~

forbeckUID: 2297645

Task 2:
Earlier technological development brought to morebenefits and changed the life of ordinary people than the recent technologicaldevelopment ever will. To what extent, do you Agree or Disagree?
(06.7.29考试题目)

Some people believe that the changes of our life contributed by earlier technology are forceful more than the recent technology does. However, I think that it is very hard to measure to what extent the earlier technology has influenced on our life and does modern technology really brings less profit.

Though many modern technological developments are mainly based on earlier technology, we could not simply say that earlier technology plays a more important role in changing people’s life. To prove this thought clearly, examples go as below.

The invention of the electric light was a milestone in the history of man, indicating that man had a farewell to the endless darkness.Yet, it was the modern technology, which made the cost of electric power generation and distribution, also the spending on the light bulbs producing, decreased to a reasonable level. As a result, electric light became popular in most families and the whole world entered a new era of electric.

Similarly, though people consider that Bell’s telephone has switched on the revolution of communication, only the recent internet（你说我的Internet首字母不该大写，为此我查了好多资料，查到的结果都是首字母大写的，应该是作为专有名字来用吧？） technology has thoroughly shifted people’s concept of communication.— The global internet impacts the world, as if it evolves the big world into a small village where the inhabitants may acquaintance（这个是n.改为have a acquaintance with怎么样？） each other easily.

In conclusion, to rashly figure that earlier technology benefits（应该是benefited吧？） our life more does not take all things into consideration. I believe that the power that pushes our world to develop is the integrated effect attributed to both earlier and recent technology.

慢慢和组长学习逻辑结构：）

forbeckUID: 2297645

小邪的作文主帖
7.15 第二次练习

Task 2

In recent ten years, there has been a popular debate about whether animals experimentation ought to be abandoned or the experimentation is essential for scientific development. I will attempt to present both side(sides) of this argument in order to establish my position on this issue of animals’ right to life and the necessity of animals experimentation.

People who are against the use of animals for experimentation purposes consider animals have the equal rights to survive as human being. They emphasize that animals do have feeling of fears, pains, and emotions. As far as they are concerned, it is cruel to inject bacteria into a rabbit’s wound for observation on infection.（说个题外话，fear是属于情感范畴，但是动物不具有情感,如果可以，换一个可以不？）

Though the trend of abolishment to animals experimentation has become more accepted by ordinary people, there are still several people(who)  insist(or insisting) that some certain research and development of science cannot be run without the sacrifice of animals’ lives. It is their belief that human’s lives are much more precious than animals’ and to benefit human being it is not immoral or wicked at all to take any measures.(不是很明白这句的意思)

Both of the two points above are reasonable, and, have not taken all things into consideration. No matter what position one stands,it is hardly（hard） for him or her to deny that every single animal, either for experimental use or for food use, even vermin, has the equal rights to life in the natural environment. If so, a question may arise: Isn’t killing cattle to eat or killing  locust as cruel as to experiment on frogs?

My answer to this question is: “Whether it is cruel or not, it depends on the condition.” Mice in field and mice in laboratory have totally opposite function to human. From my view, to（这个to 用在这，意思不明白）  experimentation on animals is necessary. Scientific development not only benefit(bennefits?) on human, but also on animals. What we shall do is to avoid and forbid abusing or mistreating animals.
可能是我刚养成的习惯问题，我觉得每个观点下面都补充一个短小但是力量很强的例子，会不会比一大段的论述更能说服人？

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

我觉得动物有情感。。。

forbeckUID: 2297645

这个~~我也觉得有

可是客观地说，动物没有情感，只有情绪~~（这是实验研究的结果）:handshake

clearsky_lunaUID: 2121487

。。。偶不是搞心理学的专业人士。。。

topkennedyUID: 2284359

真强,好好学习下