[小邪作文组]---vlcb的作文集！

davidydengUID: 2205875

很有功底哦,赞

vlcbUID: 2132650

原帖由 clearsky_luna 于 2007-7-25 10:23 发表
亲爱的你动作真是太快了

这次的作文题我还真是想撞墙。。不会写啊。。。

作为一个出作文题却不会写的组长还真是悲哀啊。。

小邪你太谦虚了，被人叫亲爱的感觉真好.........:loveliness: :loveliness: :loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

第三次作业

Task11. People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For a long time, there have been arguments about whether people should or should not pay tax to the state. A considerable number of people hold the opinion that they should spend all their money on their own interest without paying tax. However, as far as I am concerned, to pay tax is every member’s obligation. The reasons go as below.

It is generally considered that each person in the country is protected by the regulations and laws. But without the government which is supported by tax, they can never exist. As a result, tax is paid for the necessary services（这里要加一个定于从句吧？要不意思很怪） from the government. If we do not pay tax, we can not achieve any help to find（我觉得改为一种状态，会不会更生动些？）our things back if we face a break-in. If we do not pay tax, the traffic jam would not be solved because there is no policeman. Even when our enemy declares war to us and intrudes our homeland, no one will protect us to fight（+against〈with> 不过，这个例子有点问题，如果没有人保护我们，我们可以自己捍卫家园啊！） them if we do not pay tax.

Furthermore, as an important tool of regulation, tax plays a crucial role in the society and economy. Because of the inevitable existence of earning distinction, tax becomes a very useful method to reduce this distinction by requiring the people who has higher salary to pay higher tax. Therefore, the earning distance of poor people and rich people is reduced. Furthermore（重复使用，段首已经用过了,换一个吧）, a large sum of the money of tax is used to improve the society’s infrastructure, such as roads and schools, so that almost every body would be benefited by the tax.

In conclusion, though paying tax reduces the money we can master, we have got a good many necessary services. So it is every person's（好像没见过这样的表达诶） obligation to pay tax.

我觉得可以再加一段论述，再把第二段减掉一点。然后就是每段中的例子没有多大的联系性，ms可以细分为很多点~~

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-7-26 19:40 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

第二次作业
Task 1

The pie chart describes the difference between men and women in full-time and part-time job. The bar chart gives the difference between men and women in total weekly work time.
(Version 121)

The first chart depicts the gender difference in pursuit for full time job or part time job, and the second chart depicts the total work time between both men and women in a week. So both two charts show us the information that male and female have different preference（the differences  male and female have ）in work.

As illustrated by the pie chart, most of the male, about eleven twelfth, choose a (the)full time jobs, the number of who(这个指代？看不明白) is much more than the people who select a part time job. In the contrary, women tend to （少了个动词）a fairly average choice, where the people who choose a (the)full time jobs are only slightly more than the ones who select a (the)a part time job.

Though different gender has different preference in part time job or（and感觉会不会顺点？） full time job, their total work time does（do） not have such large gaps, which can be seen in the bar chart. It indicates that most men and women, the number is about 43 and 42 respectively, work for 25-35 hours a week. Meanwhile, more women than men work less than 25 hours per week, because many men have full time jobs, so that number of men who works(work) for more than 25 hours is a little greater than that of the women.

1、  字数210 ，太多了点吧！最多180就够了
2、  就是单复数问题。越看越懵

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-7-26 19:37 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

Task 2     ///第二次作业
The issue that whether animals should be used for experiments has been discussed for a long time. Some people, especially the zoophiles, hold a strong attitude against using animals in experiments, because（我觉得可以不用because,有点中文思维） they think it is too cruel. While others disagree with this comment（这个指代不清）, they think that it is necessary for the development of science. As far as I am concerned, though it seems to be cruel, the using of animals in experiments is quite important and vital（这是强调吗？有点重复） for human beings and animals.

When it comes to the experiments using animals, people usually have the image（简略点用动词就好了吧？） that animals are killed cruelly by the scientists. But actually in most cases, animals are not killed or injured, instead of which, they are taken care of well by the scientific workers. In these experiments, scientists usually test their life habits and customs and often these materials（这个从句有问题） are necessary to improve the protection towards them.

Even in the other kinds of experiments, which involve（involve in ） wounding or killing several animals, we have to admit that it is necessary for the development of science. Just imagine what it would be like if people have to use one kind of new invented medicine which is not tested by animals! It is cruel to people and one can never（用no one 读起来顺点吧？） say that to treat people cruel is better(从前面开始，这句很奇怪，但不会改), I think. Besides, the medicine which is used to protect animals also needs to know its affection among them before.

In conclusion, though it may be cruel for the animals which are used in the experiments, in my opinion, it is necessary for the scientific development and it also plays an import role in protecting animals.

我觉得思路挺清晰，就是有些表达像是用中文思考，然后翻译成英文的~~
然后最后一段重申的，最好换个表达方法，要不和第一段有点重复

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-7-26 22:34 编辑 ]

iamsuzieUID: 2333882

这种改作文方式真好 赞阿